A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes
by NYR88
Summary: Kate falls into a coma and with the help of two people explores the outcome of her decision about love.
1. Chapter 1

**A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes**

_**Disclaimer – I don't own Lost or any of the characters. **_

**Chapter 1**

"**You're always worrying about him, Freckles." Sawyer yelled at her. "Always making sure he's okay, that's he's not pushing himself, getting enough sleep…" His words rang through Kate's mind as she walked through the jungle alone. **

"**That's not true!" She had argued back. "It's just that somebody once in awhile has to remind Jack not to take on everything by himself."**

"**So how's come it always has to be you buttercup?" he spit back. "You still got feelings for him, doncha?"**

**This had been an almost regular replay of their arguments over the last three weeks. When he and the others had returned from the raft trip Kate had been thrilled to see him again. She had realized how similar she and Sawyer were and decided to stop fighting her attraction for him. The initial start of their relationship had been happy though Kate insisted they kept it on the quiet side. Sawyer had figured it had something to do with Jack, but Kate just explained that she did not want to become further fuel for the island gossip. Jack had found out about them when he came up on them kissing in the jungle shortly after they had gotten together. Kate saw the look in his eyes and was surprised to see pain and disappointment flash before he turned and walked away. Sawyer had been too busy kissing her neck to even realize Jack had been there and couldn't understand why Kate abruptly pushed him away and headed back to the beach with an unexplained feeling of guilt in the pit of her stomach.**

"**I'm with you" she told Sawyer when they argued again today. She had taken a step towards him and took his hand. He shook it off angrily.**

"**Not all of you." He replied this time. "And I'm tired of sharing. It's time for you to make up your mind, Freckles. And I mean really make up your mind." With that he had turned and walked away.**

**Shaking her head Kate continued through the jungle remembering Sawyer's angry look. 'He has nerve', she thought to herself accusing me of wanting to be with Jack. 'I've told him Jack and I don't have anything between us'. She remembered how happy she had been when Sawyer returned – he seemed to lift her spirits and make her forget about the tension that had built between her and Jack. She had resented his decision to carry the dynamite instead of trusting her to do it. Sun had suggested later that maybe he had done it to protect her. 'I don't need protecting' Kate had thought then "He needs to stop acting like I'm his responsibility'. **

**Sawyer on the other hand had no problem letting her do what she felt she needed to do. "Knock yourself out Freckles" was he usual mantra. He felt no need to hold her back when she volunteered for something. Not that she could totally fault Jack. If she was honest with herself she had to admit it was kind of nice to have somebody worry about her once in awhile. She hadn't had that since Tom. Kate smiled to herself. Jack did have his moments. Moments that, if she continued to be honest with herself, had made her stomach flit when he had come into view or the way his eyes would dance when he shared a genuine smile with her. Something he rarely did these days. **

**Kate sighed as she put her backpack on the ground and grabbed her water bottle for a drink. Jack was a special man unlike anyone she had met in her pre-island life. A man who at times had made her want to be the woman he saw when he looked at her. **

**Lost deep in thought, Kate didn't see the small spider-like creature crawling down from the tree she leaned against and start climbing down her shoulder. She didn't feel it until it bit her shoulder blade.**

"**Ow!" She cried out and instinctively brought her hand up to the spot and slapped what bit her away without seeing it. Immediately she felt a burning sensation start to form around the bite area. Worried about what it was that got her she bent over to pick up her backpack and felt a small rush of dizziness. 'Better get back to camp and have Jack look at it' she thought to herself. Looking around she realized she was in a part of the jungle she hadn't been to but once before previously. As her shoulder blade continued to burn Kate started walking back the way she came. A few minutes later she felt the burning and tingling start to travel down her left arm. Her fingers started tingling and then she couldn't feel her left hand. Looking down just to make sure it was still there she started running. Whatever it was that was happening to her she needed help quick.**

**As the tingling travel across her back and to her right shoulder she could see the beach camp. "Help" she called out hoping somebody was nearby. "Somebody help me please"**

**As she got closer to the jungle edge she felt another wave of dizziness come on this one much stronger. Then Sayid appeared running towards her. **

"**Kate!" he called out "What's wrong?"**

"**I don't know." She chocked out as the dizziness grew. "I think something bit me" Suddenly her legs seemed to lose their strength and turn to jell-o. **

**Sayid reached her just in time and grabbed her as she started to fall. "What bit you?" he asked. **

**Unfortunately, he wasn't going to get an answer to his question. Kate had passed out**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Sayid picked up Kate and headed towards her tent. Looking around he saw Charlie and yelled out to him to go get Jack. Looking at an unconscious Kate in Sayid's arms he was quick with the questions.

"What happened to her?" he wanted to know. "Is she alright?"

"I don't know. " Sayid continued walking to the tent. " I heard her calling out for help and all she said was that she thought something bit her and then she passed out. "

Charlie followed him to the entrance of Kate's tent and watched the former Iraqi Soldier place her on the makeshift bed.

"Charlie, please." Sayid glared at the young man standing almost in a trance. "Go get Jack NOW!"

Charlie nodded and turned and ran to the caves. Racing in out of breath he found Jack talking to Sun and Claire about baby Aaron. "Jack come quick!"

The doctor turned and looked at Charlie surprised by his entrance.

"Charlie, what's wrong?" Claire asked.

"It's Kate." Charlie breathed heavily. "She passed out."

Hearing Kate's name Jack felt his heart race for a brief second. _Something was wrong with Kate. _"Where is she?" he asked reaching for his medical backpack.

"Back at the beach in her tent. Sayid found her near the jungle and said she passed out on him." Charlie explained as he followed Jack out the cave. Unfortunately for Charlie the run over had taken a lot out of him and he wasn't able to keep up with Jack who was in a full sprint back to the beach. Turning back Charlie decided to wait for Claire and Sun who were also headed that way.

Jack's heart continued to race as he racked his brain trying to think what could be wrong with Kate. Maybe it was something as simple as heat exhaustion. Kate at times would overdo. Maybe she had just had too much sun and not enough water. Charlie hadn't said anything about Kate being injured or bleeding. _She passed out_ was what Charlie had said. But the worry continued to build. This was Kate and even though she was with Sawyer Jack couldn't help himself – he cared about her more than he cared to admit to himself at times and he couldn't stand the idea of her being sick…or worse. He got to the tent in record time and found Sayid wiping Kate's forehead with a damp cloth. Jack looked at her for a brief second and thought of the fairytale 'Sleeping Beauty'. If he hadn't known different it would have looked like Kate was just sleeping.

"What happened to her?" he dropped to his knees next to Kate and grabbed her wrist to check her pulse.

Sayid backed off to give Jack room. "I heard her calling out for help and when I found her at the edge of the jungle she was shaking and trying to steady herself."

"What did she say?" Jack asked as he lifted her eyelids and checked her pupils.

"She said she thought something bit her." Sayid replied. "But I don't think she knew what it was. Then she passed out."

"A bite?" Jack took a deep breath trying to steady himself some more and started slipping into doctor mode. "What the hell could have bit her?"

"In the jungle, anything." Sayid replied softly.

Jack started checking Kate trying to find any signs of bite marks. Even as he looked he had no idea what he would do once he found it. He still wouldn't know what it was that bit her. Turning her slightly on her side he saw a red circle on her shoulder and bent over to take a closer look. He could see two small pin holes in the center – a bit mark.

"Found it. " He told Sayid and move back so that the other man could get a close look. "Looks like some sort of spider bite." He deduced from the size of the holes and the red very warm circle of skin surrounding it.

Sayid nodded but didn't say anything. Spider bites were not usually fatal, but then again they had no idea what the hell lived on this island. "Will she be okay?" he finally asked.

Jack picked up the cloth Sayid had placed on her forehead and rewet it and placed it back on her. "She's starting to get a fever. " He stated. "We don't know how long ago she got bit so I can't tell if this is a fast acting poison. She could be allergic to spiders. I've got no anecdote and no way of even making one." He continued his voice raising angrily.

Sayid put a hand on his friend's shoulder. He more than anyone knew how his friend felt about Kate despite her recent hook up with Sawyer. The idea of Kate dying was starting to creep into Jack's mind and Sayid knew he had to pull him back and get him to focus on treating the young woman.

"She's a fighter Jack, you know that." He spoke softly. "You just need to help her fight."

Jack nodded and took another deep breath. '1….2….3…4….5…' Sayid was right. Kate needed him to do everything in his power to help her and that meant trying to find a treatment.

By this time Charlie and the girls had come inside the tent. Sun walked over and bent down next to Kate opposite of Jack.

"I think she got bit by a spider." He explained. "Her pupils aren't responsive and she's got a fever, but at least her pulse is strong and steady."

Sun nodded reaching up and placing the back of her hand against Kate's cheek. Jack was right she was hot.

"Sun, I need you to try and find something to help with her fever and maybe something I can put on the bite to try and draw out whatever is in there." He wasn't sure what he was asking for was possible but Sun nodded and walked out of the tent to look for some herbs to help.

"Charlie I need you to get me more water and some clothes. We need to keep cool cloths on her to help keep the fever down. Claire, could you help take off her shoes and pants?" Jack handed her a blanket as the young girl nodded. "Put this over her stomach and top of her thighs but keep her legs uncovered." Jack was now in full doctor mode successfully placing his personal feelings for his patient away.

Meanwhile Kate had fallen into a coma like sleep and found herself dreaming. In her dream she woke and found herself in the middle of a sparsely decorated room – once she had never seen before.

"Long time no see." She heard a familiar voice behind her and turned around to come face to face with….Boone.

"Boone." She whispered not believing her eyes. "But you're…"

"Dead?" Boone finished her sentence with a smile. "I am."

Kate nodded slowly. "Does that mean I'm dead too?"

Boone shook his head. "No, you're kind of in limbo."

"And you're here to what? Give me the choice of staying or going with you?" She felt her fear rising as to what could happened.

Boone shook his head again and sat down next to Kate on the small couch. "No. You're actually here because you need to make a decision and I'm here to help guide you in making it." He explained his blue eyes lighting up as he smiled.

"A decision? What decision is that?" she asked confused by everything that had happened so far.

"The decision you were thinking about before the spider bit you."

Kate shook her head to clear her thoughts. What was she thinking about? Oh yeah, was she usually thought about – Jack and Sawyer. "I already made that decision. Why can't everybody understand that?"

"Then why do you keep thinking about Jack…and the road not taken?" Boone challenged.

"I am not." Kate replied stubbornly. "I'm with Sawyer…and I'm happy."

Boone shrugged his shoulders and took her hand. "Kate, I'm here to help you."

"I've made my decision." She repeated. Enough was enough.

"You wouldn't be here if you had. You have doubts and you need to work them out. And that's where I come in."

"How?" she asked softly.

"Well, I'm here to show you the path you've taken. Think of it as a glimpse into what the future holds if you stay with Sawyer."

"And then what? You then show me a glimpse of my future with Jack?" This was beginning to sound like something out of a Christmas Carol.

Boone shook his head. "No. Actually someone else will do that. Somebody that you'll be happy to see." He added with a wink of his eye.

"Who?" Kate asked suspiciously.

"You'll have to wait and see." Boone smiled warmly and stood up.

"So are you some kind of ghost?" the young woman asked shyly.

He laughed at her question. "Something like that."

Kate stood up next to him and touched his forearm. "We all still miss you." She told him.

He nodded. "I know. I miss you guys too." Taking her hand in his, Boone took a couple of steps towards the wall of the room. "Let's get started."

Before Kate could say anything else she found herself being pulled by the young man through the wall into the other side.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

The other side of the wall was actually a busy brightly lit street in what Kate figured was a residential area of a city.

"Where are we?" she asked Boone as she looked around watching cars drive by and people on foot hurrying to their destination.

"Boise, Idaho. You and Sawyer have been living here for about 3 months." He explained. "Up in that apartment." He pointed across the street to the older building in the middle of two smaller ones.

"We got off the island?" she whispered incredulously not quite believing they were ever going to really get rescued.

Boone shrugged his shoulders and looked away. "Looks like it huh? Actually, we're about a year and a half in the future after you guys got off the island."

"But how did I not end up in jail?" she wanted to know. "I should have been arrested once they figured out who I was."

"Except that they didn't figure out who you really were in the beginning. Sawyer came up with a plan of how to escape once you got on the mainland. "

Kate looked over at Boone still confused trying to figure out how she had slipped past all the authorities that must have been involved in the rescue. Surely she would have been asked her identity prior to getting on any rescue vessel.

Boone continued with his explanation sensing her confusion. "Jack came up with having you use Joanne's passport to get you off the island." He stated softly.

"Jack did?" Kate's voice was barely audible. She couldn't believe he would risk something like that for her.

Boone nodded. "He wanted to make sure you were safe. Didn't want you to go to jail…even if he thought it would have been better to face your legal problems and stop running. They didn't figure it out until a few days after you and Sawyer had taken off. You've been hiding since."

Kate looked up at the building Boone had pointed to earlier. Not the coziest looking dwelling. It had to be at least 25 years old. The front stoop had a few sparse looking trees and potted flowers the landlord had planted in hopes of making it look more inviting. Boone took her hand and pulled her across the street.

"Come on. Let's check out your place."

Instead of walking through the door like he had previously done with the wall Boone turned the door knob and opened the door before the two walked through. They went into the quiet hallway darkened partially by the burnt out lights that had yet to be replaced. A baby could be heard crying in the distance behind one of the doors. Taking the elevator to the 3rd floor they soon found themselves in front of Apt #315. This time Boone put his hand up and walked through the door pulling Kate along with him

Glancing sideways at him Kate smirked. "No doorknob this time?"

"Door's locked" he stated.

Inside they found a low lit living room furnished with a tired couch and chair and 2nd hand tables. A small multicolored rug with frayed edges had seen betters days too. Across the couch was a TV on a plain stand. Kate moved further into the room and saw a couple of pictures of her and Sawyer on the table holding a lamp. They were smiling and looked happy. Other than that the room seemed to have a dreary feeling to it.

"So we live here?" she asked.

"Ah huh. You and Sawyer don't tend to stay in one place for long periods of time. Just long enough to make some money and decide where to go next."

"Some things don't change." Kate said sadly more to herself than Boone. Even though she knew back on the island that if rescue came it would mean a return to life on the run or life behind bars a small part of her couldn't help but hope that somehow she figured a way to change her fate.

All of a sudden they heard a key in the lock of the front door turn and the door start to open. Both turned around at the sound.

"Do we hide?" Kate whispered.

"Don't need to, "the young man explained. "Nobody can see us."

The door opened and Kate gasped. She saw herself walk through the door.

"Okay, this just got weirder." She stated.

Boone shook his head. "Not really. We're here to see what your life could be like if you stay with Sawyer. Technically, you're just an observer."

Kate watched as Future Kate made her way into the empty apartment looking exhausted. She put down her backpack on the kitchen table and hung her jacket on the hook on the wall.

"Sawyer, are you home?" she called out. Silence greeted her. "Great, "she said to herself, "Another late night."

Padding through the living room she continued into the bedroom as Boone and Kate followed. Future Kate started undressing preparing to take a shower. Kate saw Boone staring at her future self as she took off her shirt and quickly brought her hand up to shield his eyes.

"Excuse me" she commented.

"What? I've seen naked women before" Boone protested trying to get her hand away.

"Not this naked woman" Kate replied "A little privacy please."

Boone sighed and put his hand down and tapped his foot while he waited for future Kate to finish removing her clothing before grabbing her robe and going into the bathroom.

"And we don't need to follow me in there either. "Kate stated. "I think we just assume I…she…she's taking a shower and leave it at that."

Boone chuckled. "You're no fun."

"So tell me about myself. Besides being a fugitive, I mean. Where am I coming from this late?" Kate had glanced at the alarm clock next to the bed and saw it read '2:30 a.m.'

"Actually, you've got a job working at a strip club…"

"A strip club?" she interrupted. "I don't think so. There's no way I would be stripper. Not even if I'm running for my life"

Boone put up his hands to stop her argument. "No, no," he laughed. "You're working there as a bartender. No stripping. The tips are decent and the owner doesn't ask a lot of questions. He likes the idea of having 'hot' looking women serving the drinks too."

Kate blushed slightly at Boone describing her as "hot". She still remembered what a caring and gentle young man he had been on the island, always trying to lend a helping hand whenever he could. His death had been a big blow to the survivors having lasting effects especially on his sister Shannon and Jack who never quite seemed to get over not being able to save the young man.

"And where's Sawyer? "She had to admit she was anxious to see the sharp tongued Southern.

Boone shrugged his shoulders. "Hard to tell with Sawyer. He's always working one end of a deal or another. When you guys lived in New Orleans he came up with an idea to sell tourists these tickets for a special VIP party during Mart Gras. Party that included special seating for the parade and unlimited drinks and beads. Only problem…"

"There was no party." Kate finished the sentence.

Boone shook his head. "But you guys made enough money to move onto Miami, Florida. There he hooked up with another guy to illegally ship Cuban cigars."

Kate shook her head as she listened. One scheme after another. She guessed Sawyer had gone back to doing what was natural to him.

"Is he still coning women for their money?" she asked not sure she wanted to hear the answer.

Boone shook his head. "No. He promised to stay away from that."

Kate nodded her head and looked around the bedroom as they hear the water continue to running in the other room. The bedroom was as plainly furnished as the living room with just a picture of Kate and Sawyer at what looked like Marti Gras with two other people she didn't recognize. Future friends? She thought to herself and then quickly dismissed the idea. Probably not long terms friends. Hard to keep friends when you have to pick up and move at the drop of a hat. Sighing she sat on the edge of the bed. The beautiful bedspread caught her attention and she ran her hand over it feeling how soft it felt.

"Sawyer gave you that on your last birthday. Said it was easy to carry with you guys and would make wherever you went feel more like home." Boone explained.

Kate smiled to herself as she thought of the sweet gesture. Sawyer trying to make her feel better about the situation she had put them in. Maybe all this dreary and bland environment wasn't so bad…not if she and Sawyer were happy.

Suddenly the shower stopped and a few minutes later Future Kate emerged with her hair wrapped in a towel and her robe on. Bending over she took off the towel and started drying her hair with it. At the same time they heard the front door open and close.

"Hey Freckles, you up?" a male's voice rang out in the other room.

Sawyer was home.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

_Author's note: To avoid confusion Future Kate will continue to be called that but any other characters will not – it's just assumed they are their counterparts in the future. _

"I'm in here. " Future Kate called out as she finished rubbing out the excess what from her curly locks then pulled a strand up to her nose to smell. Good the smell of smoke cheap cologne and alcohol gone. She always hated going to bed smelling like a bar.

Seconds later Sawyer walked into the bedroom. Kate smiled at his sight. His hair was shorter and the facial hair was gone but in it's place was a mustache that ended at his chin. Sawyer walked over to Future Kate and leaned in to give her a kiss but she pushed him away.

"You've been drinking." She stated angrily.

"Yeah. So? "he challenged. " I was out with Ramon discussing getting the money together to buy the computer parts. "

"I thought you told me you weren't going to drink." She stated.

"I never said that sweetheart. I told you I wouldn't be coming home drunk because for some reason you don't like that. But I sure as hell ain't giving up drinking altogether, Sugar. No way to go through life sober all the time." He leaned in again for a kiss but Future Kate walked away.

"I'm tired of the smell of alcohol." She replied walking away from him and sitting on the bed. She had pulled out a small bottle of body lotion and was applying it to her legs. Sawyer watched in admiration. She had a great set of legs long and shapely that he loved having wrapped around his waist when they made love.

"Come on baby, I ain't in a mood to fight tonight. " He sat down next to her and smiled deeply showing off his dimples. "I'm more in the mood for a little loving. To celebrate this deal moving along." The time when he leaned in she didn't move and he kissed her neck. For a moment Future Kate sat still bending her neck and enjoying the kiss until his lips came up to her mouth. The mixture of whiskey and cigarettes made Future Kate's stomach turn. She pushed him away.

"Jeez Sawyer, at least go brush your teeth and rinse with mouthwash."

"What?" Sawyer countered. "What the hell's wrong with you? There was a time you never asked for me to brush my teeth when I kissed you like that. Hell Freckles, you could hardly wait to get my pants off."

"Yeah, well that was before I spent 6 nights a week in a room full of smoke, beer and cheap cologne." She replied as she got up and started to take off her robe. Underneath she had already put on her nightgown. "Hardly puts me in the mood." She pulled back the bedspread and got into bed.

"A lot of things seem to hardly put you in the mood anymore." Sawyer replied sarcastically as he started to take off his shirt. Kate has pissed him off with her rebuff and he was damned now if he would give her the satisfaction of showering let along brushing his teeth. Let her smell whiskey and tobacco all night, he thought to himself and he pulled of his pants and crawled into his side of the bed nude. Future Kate had turned on her side and had her back to Sawyer. He reached over and tried to caress her shoulder as a gesture for her to turn around. She refused.

"Kate" he whispered. "Kate, come on turn around."

"Sawyer, I'm really tired. "she whispered. " Just go to sleep."

With that Sawyer pulled back his hand and turned on his side with his back to hers.

Kate watched everything that had transpired silently. The tension between her future self and Sawyer was pretty thick in the room. You could feel it in every corner.

"Boone, what's wrong." She asked in a hush tone. "I mean the pictures of us…I mean, we look happy."

Boone shrugged his shoulders and led her back out into the dark living room. "There's a lot of stress living the life you to do. You've never put down roots, you don't really have any friends, no one to share anything with except yourselves. And just when you start to get into a routine you have to leave."

"But…we have each other. I mean Sawyer has always been able to make me feel better about stuff when we're on the island. He can always make me laugh and forget the bad stuff."

"Sure, if he's not the one causing the bad stuff." Boone replied. "Think about it. You went out into the jungle because you two had a fight. A fight he started."

Kate's mind flashed back to what started this whole adventure. Her argument with Sawyer about their relationship and her constant worry about Jack.

"He was being petty accusing me of always worrying about Jack." She commented.

"Sawyer has always had a sore spot when it comes to you and Jack. He didn't feel that he could ever measure up to Jack on the island and it continued after you guys were rescued. There's a part of him that's jealous of what Jack had."

"You mean he's jealous because Jack was the leader or because he's a doctor."

"He's jealous because Jack has your respect and your admiration. And not only that, but Jack was the first person you trusted in a long time." Boone explained solemnly.

Kate looked down at her feet. "That doesn't mean I care any less for Sawyer or that I didn't want to be with him" she said softly.

Boone put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "No, but that doesn't mean that you don't want to be with Jack either. That's why you're doing this Kate. You have to search your heart and your soul because the answer is there. You just have to find it."

_Meanwhile back on the island_, Kate was still in a coma and her fever had not come down. Sun had found the herbs Jack had asked for and had brought him a paste and some of the leaves to spread over Kate's limbs to try and draw out the fever. Sawyer had returned from his hike to the waterfall for a swim to hear what had happened to the young woman. When he made his way to the entrance of her tent he found Jack sitting next to her smoothing the herbal paste on her arms.

"What the hell happened to her?" he demanded.

Jack looked up at him as a flash of anger flickered in his eyes. "Where the hell have you been?" he demanded back. "You should have been looking out for her."

"What the hell do you want me to do, put her in a plastic bubble, Jacko?" he spit out and walked over and stood on the opposite side of Kate. "What's wrong?" he looked at her laying on the airline cushion she had made into a bed.

"Something bit her." Jack said trying to keep his voice calm. Even though he knew it wasn't Sawyer's fault Jack wanted somebody to blame for Kate's illness and Sawyer was the best target.

"What bit her?" Sawyer asked.

Jack looked up again at Sawyer. "I don't know for sure. It looks like a spider bite"

"Looks like?" Sawyer's voice became angry. "You're a damn doctor and all you can say is 'it looks like a spider bite'. Ain't we lucky to have you on the case." He spit his words out at the doctor. He hated the feeling of helplessness that washed over him right now knowing that Jack was probably the only one that could help Kate right now. He hated that. He wanted to be Kate's hero not Jackass like it always seemed to be.

"Look Sawyer, nobody was with her when it happened. All she told Sayid before she passed out was that she thought something bit her. I found a mark on her shoulder that looks like a spider bite." Jack explained keeping his voice in doctor mode.

"So what's that stuff you're putting on her?"

"It's an herbal paste that Sun made. It'll help draw out the fever and help her body fight the poison." Jack explained.

"So then what?" Sawyer countered.

"I monitor her vitals, watch her temperature and try and keep her cool as possible." The doctor replied. With that he looked back down and continued putting the paste on.

"That's it?" Sawyer spit out getting angry again. "Watch her and keep her cool. Ain't you got some antibiotics or aspirin to give her."

Jack shook his head. "She's not awake Sawyer so she can't swallow the aspirin. I don't have an IV to be able to give her any medication that way." He said softly.

Sawyer walked quickly over to Jack's side. "There's gotta be something more. Or are you just gonna sit back and let her die?"

Suddenly Jack had reached his limit and stood up to face the other man. "You know better than to say that! I'm doing everything I can to help her." He refused to say the word "save" because to Jack that meant she was dying and right now he couldn't face that possibility. "So back off."

"Or what?" Sawyer challenged. After the earlier fight with Kate and now this he was more than itching to land a punch on the other man. But Sayid came in and stepped behind Sawyer pulling him away from the doctor.

"That's enough Sawyer" he said. "Leave it alone. You're making things worse. Kate needs Jack's full attention. Go wait outside and let him work."

"The hell with that." Sawyer strained himself against Sayid's strong grip. "I'm staying right here."

"No you are not." Sayid replied firmly pulling him away. "You want Kate to get better you have to wait outside. There's nothing you can do for her in here." He continued to pulled Sawyer to the tent entrance. "Wait outside."

Hearing his words Sawyer dropped his head and let himself be let outside. Sayid was right. There wasn't anything he could do for Kate. It was up to Jack.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

(Thanks everybody for the reviews so far. Glad to see that you guys are enjoying reading this story as much as I am writing it.)

_Kate's dream continues_

Kate and Boone were still sitting inside the quiet and dark living room.

"Okay, now what?" she asked. At this point she was saddened by the scene she had just witnessed.

Boone reached over and took her hand. "You've got some more to see." He told her as he pulled her up off the couch and led her back out into the hallway.

"Where are we going?" Kate pulled back on his hand a bit as if stalling, not sure she wanted to see anything else.

"Further into the future…a few months at least." With that he pulled Kate through the wall of the apartment in front of them. This time Kate found herself in an office with several desks and files. A couple of men were sitting at the desks one on the phone and the other talking to a young couple.

"What is this place?" she asked looking around.

"Sid's Auto Palace." He replied.

"And why are we here?"

"You'll see in a moment." Boone smiled before gesturing with his chin towards the man talking to the couple.

"Let me see what my boss says about cutting the price down a bit more." The young man got up and disappeared into an office in the back. A couple of minutes later he came out followed by…Sawyer.

Kate looked at the man surprised to see him there…in a suit. "What's he doing here?" she asked but Boone remained silent.

"Julie, Howard I'd like you to meet my boss, Sid." The young man said.

Sawyer flashed that dimpled smile that Kate knew so well and extended his hand to Howard then Julie. "Nice to meet you two. I'm Sid and I'm the proprietor of this place. "he said somehow making his southern drawl even more heavy. "Carter tells me that you're interested in that beauty of a Monte Carlo that we've got out there. Beauty isn't she?"

Howard nodded his head the cleared his throat. "It's a little more than we wanted to spend." He said softly as his wife nodded.

"Is that so?" Sawyer said trying to act surprised. "Well, you know, quality does come at a price and that piece of machinery is quality. Good ol' American quality."

"Sid, "Carter spoke up. "I was hoping you'd be up to cutting the price a bit and helping out this couple. They're newlyweds."

This time Sawyer turned and looked at Julie and smiled again. "Is that so?" he exclaimed. "Newlyweds, huh? Well, ain't that sweet?" he reached up with his hand and stroked his beard. "Well, seeing how I'm a family man myself I think I can see about doing the deal. "

"Really?" Julie asked and smiled warmly. "That would be great."

"We're married?" Kate asked Boone who shook his head.

"No, he's just trying to make them feel like he's giving them a break. The car is about $3000 more than it should be so cutting the price still gives him a profit.

"Oh." Kate replied softly. What made her think that she and Sawyer would have gotten married at this point. Sawyer knew a fish when he saw one and was just using whatever he could to reel them in. She should have known – he was calling himself Sid after all.

As Carter and Sawyer continued hammering out the deal, Kate looked over at Boone. "What's with the name Sid?"

"The guy that owns this lot hired Sawyer and told him he had carte blanche to bring in sales. Thought by calling himself the owner it would give the customers more confidence in thinking they're dealing with the 'owner'"

Kate nodded and looked back at Sawyer. "So he went legitimate?"

"Hardly. He and Sid have a scam going selling cars to certain people who then report the vehicle stolen and get the insurance payoff. Sid's got a chop shop where he cuts up the parts, sells them and gives Sawyer a percentage for the paperwork and moving the car through the lot." Boone explained.

The young lady took a deep breath and shook her head. "And what am I doing?"

"You still work at the bar."

"No wedding plans?" she asked shyly.

Boone shook his head. "Kind of hard to get married when you can't apply for a license in your real name. Sawyer one time suggested getting married under one of your alias but you refused. And now, well…it's not a topic that's really brought up anymore. Just like the topic of children." He added.

Kate turned sharply and looked at the young man when he mentioned children. "We talked about having kids?"

"Technically, you did. Sawyer doesn't want kids."

"He doesn't?" she sounded surprised at that statement. During the time on the island she had spent with Sawyer he never mentioned anything about wanting to have kids or not. But then again they never discussed the future – they lived in the present.

"I'm sure you know Sawyer's got some issues with his father. He basically told you that he didn't think he'd make a good father and didn't want to disappoint a kid the way he was disappointed."

"But…"Kate started to protest. "He'd probably make a good dad."

"He doesn't believe that. That's why he had a vasectomy several years ago." Boone replied.

"He what?" Kate was taken totally by surprise with that statement. "But he never said…I mean we used protection…"Suddenly she became aware of what she was saying and stopped talking the color coming into her cheeks. "So ahum… how did the future me take that?"

"You've come to accept it…kind of like you've done with a lot of things in your life."

Before Kate could say anything more her attention was drawn to a young lady who came into the office. Tall with long wavy blonde hair, breasts that were definitely purchased and a hint of too much mascara and red lipstick she walked over towards Sawyer clicking her heels on the tile floor.

"Well, if it isn't my favorite gal Friday. "Sawyer greeted. "Got some paperwork for me to look over."

"Sure do, Sid." She smiled flirtatiously at him. "Got some time for me?"

Nodding Sawyer turned towards Carter. "Go ahead and get the paperwork done so Howard and Julie can take a nice midnight ride in their Monte Carlo tonight." He flashed his dimples at the couple and then turned towards the young lady. Putting his hand behind her back he guided her to his office in the back. "I'll be in a meeting." He announced.

Boone gestured to Kate to followed him as he walked behind Sawyer and the blonde. Once they entered the locked office they found Sawyer's arms wrapped around the blonde and kissing her neck.

"That son of bitch!" Kate spit out angrily as he watched the blonde running her hands all over Sawyer's body.

"What took you so long?" Sawyer asked as he continued kissing her neck. "I was getting a little anxious there." He commented as he started to unbutton her blouse.

"He's cheating on me?" Kate started to walked towards the grouping couple but Boone grabbed her arm. "What are you doing?"

"Making him pay." She replied trying to get out of Boone's grasp.

"Kate, he can't see you and you can't touch him. If you try to hit him nothing will happen."

Kate stopped struggling and watched as Sawyer removed the girl's blouse and started working on her skirt while she had unbuttoned his shirt and was pushing it off his shoulders. "We're not going to watch this are we?"

Boone looked over at the young woman's face and saw a look of sadness and anger mixed in. "No, we've actually got another place to be." He pushed her thru the wall of Sawyer's office leaving the couple on his desk and found themselves back in the living room of the apartment. Future Kate was sitting on the couch with her knees pulled up to her chest and her arms wrapped around them. She looked alone and vulnerable. Not at all what Kate wanted to feel.

"Does she know?" Kate asked about her future counterpart. "About Sawyer cheating?"

"Yeah." Boone simply said.

"And she doesn't leave? Why?" Kate couldn't believe that she wouldn't have already packed up and left. Present Kate would have done that in a heartbeat.

"She's scared. There's a part of her that would rather be here then running by herself. She doesn't think that she'll ever find anyone else that can accept her knowing what she did. "

"But that's not true. Jack did." Kate said before she could catch herself. "I mean the others on the island…"

Boone shrugged his shoulders but didn't reply to her comment. He knew that there were things that Kate would have to work out for herself.

Future Kate took a deep breath and turned to the telephone and picked it up. Dialing a number she waited for it to pick up then spoke.

"Claire? Hi, it's Kate." She said softly.

"Kate! Oh my gosh, it's so good to hear from you. "The young lady on the other line greeted.

"I'm not catching you at a bad time, am I?" Future Kate asked hoping she hadn't.

"No, actually Aaron is on a play date and I'm was just putting away some things in the nursery for the new baby." She explained referring to the baby she and Charlie were expecting in 3 months. "How are you Kate?

"Okay." She replied trying to sound convincing. "I was just sitting here thinking about stuff and got to thinking about you and Charlie and thought I'd check in."

"That's great. Sawyer doing okay?"

"Oh yeah, "Future Kate replied. "He's got a job working as a manager of a car dealership."

"Really? So, you two have any wedding plans in the future?"

"No." she replied a bit more sharply then she intended.

"No?" Claire questioned. "Why not?"

"Things are good as they are." Future Kate lied. "Why rock the boat?"

"I guess. Not pregnant, are you?" Claire teased.

"No. But maybe soon. "she lied again. A part of her ached to tell Claire everything that was going on.

Claire being Claire caught the tone in Kate's voice. She didn't sound like herself. "Kate what's wrong?" she asked.

"Nothing." Future Kate replied.

"Doesn't sound like nothing. You sound like the weight of the world on your shoulders. Why don't you tell me? That's why you called isn't it?

Tired and on the verge of tears Future Kate took a deep breath and decided to confide in Claire making her promise not to tell Charlie anything before she started her story. After Claire swore to keep her secrets Future Kate started her story and didn't stop until she had told Claire everything. She told her about being tired of running, tired of not having roots, explained about her dead end job, the cramp and dreary apartment, Sawyer's cheating ways and her overall feeling of loneliness.

"Oh Kate, "Claire replied when the young woman was done. "I am so sorry. I wish there was something I could do."

"You did do something. You listened." She replied sniffing back the tears.

"Maybe you could come to Los Angeles and see us. I know Charlie would love that and Aaron he still remembers you."

Future Kate smiled. "Maybe I can. We don't have a lot of money right now but maybe I can get some together and go see you guys for a few days."

Claire's tone raised as she got excited about the idea of seeing her friend again. "It would be great. And you could see Hurley, he lives a few miles away. He and Charlie are thick as thieves. And Sayid stayed in L.A. too. He finally found Nadia and the two are talking about getting married. We see them about once a month. And Jack comes over all the time."

At the mention of Jack's name Future Kate smiled weakly. "He does, huh?"

"He's not married, Kate." Claire disclosed. "Not even seeing anyone serious."

"He's not?" she replied.

"He says it's because he's too busy with work, but I think it's just that none of the women he's met are you." Claire chatted.

Future Kate didn't say anything for a moment thinking about Claire's statement. Finally she spoke, "I have to go Claire."

"I didn't mean to scare you off." Claire replied quickly. "I just get my tongue going when I get excited. Charlie tells me that all the time. 'there you go Claire rattling along' "

"You didn't scare me off. I just need to go to work. "she stated.

"Oh, okay. Well, think seriously about coming out here. It'll do you some good. And it's not like you have to see anyone you don't want to." She added.

"I'll think about it." Future Kate replied. "I'll call you again soon."

"Do, Kate. Anytime you want to talk."

Future Kate hung up the phone and went into the bedroom to go get ready for work leaving Kate and Boone in the living room.

"Can we leave?" Kate asked feeling her throat start to welt up with emotion. "I'm done here."

"Not quite." Boone said. "You need to see this out."


	6. Chapter 6

**_Again thanks everybody for the reviews. Hope you guys like this chapter. I decided it was time for Future Kate to let loose and have some fun. She's been living under a dark cloud the poor girl. Oh and for this chapter Future Kate will be referred to by her alias – Lily._**

**Chapter 6**

Boone took her hand and again the couple walked through the front door of the apartment only to find themselves inside a lively nightclub filled with people – most of them men. Multi-colored lights line the stage in the middle of the room. A bright blue curtain hung as a backdrop with mirror tiles on its floor and two metal poles coming down from the ceiling on either side. A tall red-haired girl dressed only in a sequined thong and 4" heels was shimmering on one of the poles as several men stood near the stage watching and offering her dollar bills. Along the back wall there was a long bar in front of a wall of shelves holding bottles of alcohol.

Boone's attention was briefly caught by the red-head dancer before he turned back to Kate. "Welcome to the Devil's Martini." He gestured with one of his hands across the room. "One of the more popular gentlemen's clubs Boise has to offer."

"This is where I work." Kate's words were more a statement than a question. And sure enough as Boone nodded she spotted her future self behind the bar mixing up drinks. As she worked she smiled and traded verbal jabs with some of the male customers all the while flashing a sexy smile to keep the tips coming. Kate walked closer to the bar and left Boone back near the stage where he had gotten distracted watching the dancer.

"Hey, Lily!" an older man came up to her carrying a clipboard.

Future Kate looked up at him and smiled. "Yeah, Bill?"

_Lily. _That must be what I'm calling myself, Kate thought to herself and gave a half smiled. Lily, she liked that name.

"Did you see where Gopher put that shipment of bourbon we got in yesterday?"

"Ah huh, back by the freezer in that corner." She replied as she poured tequila into a glass. "There should be two boxes."

Bill smiled. "Glad to know at least one of my employees knows what the hell is going on here." He said before turning and walking into the back.

After taking money from one customer for his drink she turned and faced another. "What can I get you?"

"You up on stage." The man replied giving her a cheesy smile.

'_Gee', _Lily thought to herself, _'like I haven't heard that line before.'_ She kept her smile and shook her head. "Got no rhythm" she replied.

"Baby, with a face and body like yours rhythm ain't needed." He replied trying his best to flirt with the pretty brunette.

"Thanks. Now what can I get you?"

"Gimme what you got on tap." He handed her a $5 then threw the change in her brandy tip bowl. "I'll be back." He winked and then walked way already starting to weaving slightly from the effects of previously consumed alcohol.

Lily tended to a few more customers before turning her back on them for a moment and taking a long sip of her coca cola she kept behind the bar. The smoke billowed all around and she already knew her hair reeked of it.

Turning back she walked over to the end of the bar where there were less people and started rearranging the glassware. The Devil's Martini's most popular dancer Jasmine has just made her way onto the stage and Kate knew most of the men would be entranced.

"Can I get a beer?" a male's voice asked while Lily was looking down under the bar. She looked up and found herself looking at a tall, dark haired man with warm brown eyes.

Caught off guard for a moment Lily didn't hear what he had said. "Excuse me?" she asked shyly.

"A beer?" he repeated as he casually slipped onto the barstool near the end. "MGB"

Nodding, Lily walked over and pulled a bottle of beer and opened it as she walked back to the handsome man. "Here you go."

"Thanks. Mind if I run a tab?" he asked smiling. Lily noticed when he smiled tiny wrinkles formed around his eyes that softened his face.

"Sure" she replied getting lost in the smile for a moment before hearing one of the barmaids calling her name to mix up her drink order. Lily went over to the young girl and started putting together what she needed. She continued to glance over at the man noticing that he wasn't paying much attention to the ongoing show. In fact he seemed to be more interested in watching what was going on behind the bar. In watching her. Lily blushed slightly at the idea of this man watching her. After finished what she was doing she slowly walked back over to where he was sitting. She still had to finish fixing the glassware.

As she approached he smiled at her again and this time he stomach did a little flip. "Back again?" he joked taking a sip of his beer.

"Gotta keep busy." She returned his smile. "Not enjoying the show."

"No my deal." He confessed.

"Really? So why come then?"

"Bachelor party. My cousin decided this was the place to spend his last weekend of freedom."

Lily nodded and poured herself another soda. "I guess it's a tradition."

"Hey, I'm Matt." He extended his hand over to the young bartender.

"Lily." She said simply and shook his hand giving him a shy smile.

"Lily? That's a pretty name. It fits you." He smiled. "Nice to meet you."

"You too." She met his gaze and held it for a few long seconds.

"So, you mind if I hang out here while the bachelor boy and his friends spend all those one dollar bills they got from the bank today?" he asked softly. "I promise to buy another beer."

Lily laughed and nodded. "Knock yourself out." She replied.

As her shift continued Lily found herself returning back to Matt and engaging him in idle chit chat. Something about him seemed to draw her to him. Maybe it was the way he seemed to put her at ease as they joked and subtly flirted with each other. Or maybe it was the way he made her feel like an attractive woman. Something she hadn't felt like in a while.

"So, "he asked as she leaned on the bar in front of him to hear him above the music. "What time do you get off?"

Lily looked at him without answering taken by surprise (for moment) by his question. As he waited for an answer Matt brought his hand up to his chin and stroked the light beard. Suddenly all thoughts of Sawyer and what she had waiting for her at the apartment flew out of her mind.

"Two-thirty." She replied quietly.

Matt looked at his watch. "Think maybe I could buy you some breakfast?"

"I'd like that." Lily replied meeting his gaze again not wanting to look away, but duty called and she had to break away to tend to another customer. As she walked back to the center of the bar thought about what she had just agreed to. Breakfast with a man she had just met a couple of hours before. But she was tired. Tired of feeling lonely and isolated. Of living a life where all she did lately was come to work, go home and watch TV until Sawyer came home or she fell asleep whichever came first. Nothing wrong with having a little breakfast with a handsome man that obviously found her attractive.

"Hey, Gopher" she approached one of the other bartenders. "Think you could cover closing for me tonight?" she asked shyly.

Gopher, who had been watching Lily flittering back and forth between mixing drinks and talking to the guy at the end of the bar, eyed her suspiciously. "Getting lucky, Lily? He teased and looked over at the guy.

She shook her head. "It's not like that. We're just going to breakfast and I don't want to be eating at 3 in the morning." She explained.

Gopher laughed. "Okay, if you say so. Go ahead. Get out of here, but you owe me one."

"Thanks." She replied then walked back over to Matt. "Looks like I can leave now, if you still wanna grab that breakfast." She said.

Matt nodded quickly. "Let me just tell my cousin I'm leaving." He pulled out his wallet. "How much for the beer?"

"Don't worry about it." Lily told him "I put it on your cousin's tab. It's his party after all." She winked.

The young man laughed. "I like your way of thinking."

"Thanks. Let me grab my bag and I'll meet you at the front door."

It was at this point that Boone approached Kate and placed his hand on her shoulder. She turned back and looked at him. "Are we leaving?" she asked knowing the answer.

"Yeah, we've got another place to go." He replied.

"Let me guess, a diner?" she said thinking about the breakfast invitation.

Boone remained silent and pushed her through the wall next to them. They found a small diner on the other side where they watched Lily and Matt sitting across from each other in the booth laughing and enjoying each other's company as they ate. Lily couldn't believe how easy it was talking to Matt. It was like they had known each other for longer than 4 hours.

As the waitress walked over with the check Matt reached over and took Lily's hand in his, "I've really had a good time." He said as he gently rubbed his thumb over her fingers.

Lily blushed slightly and nodded. "Me too, "she said softly. "It's been a long time since I laughed like that." She thought back to the time when Sawyer it seemed could make her laugh at a drop of the hat.

"I really don't want it to end." He looked up into her green eyes thinking how he just wanted to get lost in them.

"Me neither" she admitted returning his gaze again like she had been all evening. A silent conversation seemed to pass between the two before they got up and walked out hand in hand.

"Where are they going? Kate turned to Boone as they watched the couple leave.

"To get to know each other better." Boone replied then took Kate's hand and led her out.

They found themselves standing outside a hotel room door at the Cozy 8 motel.

"Here?" Kate whispered. "This is what you mean by getting to know each other better?"

Boone nodded. "There was a pretty strong attraction between the two." He stated.

They went inside and Kate saw herself asleep under the bed sheet lying on Matt's chest with his arms firmly wrapped around her. She couldn't believe she had spent the night with a virtual stranger something she had never done before. And she never thought of herself to be capable of cheating. Was her future self that unhappy that she would do something out of character?

As if on cue Future Kate started to stir. Lifting her head she looked up at the sleeping man that was sharing the bed and smiled. Reaching her hand up she tenderly caressed his cheek enjoying the rough texture of his facial hair on her fingers. Then she dragged a single finger down his jaw line. That caused Matt to wake up tightening his embrace and smiling.

"Good Morning" she smiled.

"Good Morning" he returned her smile. "Sleep well?"

"Ah huh" she replied gazing into his eyes for a moment longer than necessary before reaching over and looking at this wrist watch. 8 a.m. "I'd better go." She started to pull herself out of the warm embrace.

"Wait…" Matt started to protest.

"I can't. I really have to go." Wrapping the sheet around her she started picking up her clothing and ran into the bathroom. A few minutes later she came out dressed and found Matt still laying in the bed.

"So this is goodbye?" he guessed.

Future Kate looked at the handsome man and nodded her head. She walked over and sat down on the bed next to him. Leaning over she gave him a lingering kiss. "Thank you." She whispered as her lips broke contact.

"For what? Last night?" He asked.

"For that…and for reminding me of something I thought I had lost."

"What's that?" Matt wanted to know.

"Myself." She replied before getting up and walking out of the room and leaving the hotel.

By the time Future Kate had returned to her apartment Kate and Boone were already there watching an impatient Sawyer pacing back and forth across the living room deep in thought. The sound of a key in the lock made Sawyer jump.

"Where the hell have you been?" he barked as she walked in the door. "And why didn't you answer your cell?"

"I shut it off while I was at work. "Future Kate replied choosing to answer the easier question first. "I guess I forgot to turn it back on."

Sawyer approached her in the kitchen as she grabbed a mug to pour some coffee from the pot he had made. "So, Freckles, where the hell were you all night?"

"Out." She replied using one of his favorite answers. "I was out."

Sawyer grabbed her arm. "Don't give me that out shit. I wanna know where you were."

But she didn't get a chance to answer because Sawyer knew her well enough to know what she had meant by her answer. The same thing he meant when he had given it to her in the past. "You screwing 'round on me, Kate?"

That was the first time in forever that he had used her real name and Kate knew he was doing it to try and get her to look at him. Deciding that it was time to stop playing games Future Kate took a deep breath and quietly answered him. "Sawyer we need to talk."

"Oh, we do, do we?" The anger in his voice seemed to lash out and slap her across her face. "You gonna try and explain why you did it?"

"If you'll let me." She replied sitting down at the kitchen table.

"Oh, I know why you did it. You're pissed at me and you wanted to get back at me. Well fine, you did a great job. You paid me back. Is that what you want to hear?" he yelled.

She shook her head as she felt her throat tighten up. When she finally spoke up her voice was barely audible. "That's not why I did it."

"No?" he retorted. "Well then, Sweetcakes, why did you?"

"I'm tired Sawyer." She stated. "I'm tired of living like this. I don't even recognize the person I am anymore. I've told so many lies, made up so many stories that I can hardly recognize real memories from made up ones. Last night I did something I never thought I would do…" she took a sip of her coffee and was surprised that Sawyer had not interrupted. "I hurt you."

Sawyer looked at the young woman sitting in front of him not knowing what to feel. Part of him wanted to reach out and slapped her for what she did, not that he had ever hit a woman in his life or he ever would. It's just the idea of Kate with another man cut him deep and opened old wounds – old wounds of rejection and jealousy that he thought he had long buried when she agreed to run away with him.

"I'm sorry that I did that." She continued.

Sawyer nodded and sat down across from her. "We need to work this out Freckles."

"No." she stated. "We need to end this."

Sawyer was taken back by what she had just said. Looking over at her he noticed that while she looked tired and there was a sense of sadness in her face there was a hint of a glimmer in her eyes – one he hadn't seen since they had moved to Boise. Hell, he hadn't seen that glimmer since a few months after they went on the run.

"What are you talking about Freckles? End this? Over you having a roll in the hay with some clown? I don't think so."

But Future Kate shook her head. "It's not about that. It's about us. What's been going on between us lately. Don't you see it? We're not the same people we were before Sawyer. "

"People change sweetheart."

"I know. But all we seem to be doing lately is find ways to hurt each other. We're not making each other happy. We're not even on the same page anymore."

"About what?" Sawyer said.

"Everything. The future…where we're going…what we want." She explained. "When people are together they should be good for each other. They should be able to bring out the best in each other. We're not doing that."

Sawyer reached over and took her hand. "You're good for me." He insisted.

"Maybe at first." She admitted. "I saw you change on the island Sawyer. You went from a selfish jerk to being this caring strong man. A man I could see loving."

"But now…?"

"It's like we've both taken steps backwards to what we were before the crash. I mean look at me I'm still running."

"So what, you want to turn yourself in, is that it?" his tone got angry again.

Future Kate shook her head. "That's not it. I want us to stop hurting each other. Stop keeping the other from being more. Sawyer I want you to find that caring loving man that you were just realizing when we got rescued. I want you to be able to stop hating yourself for what your parents did. Stop punishing yourself and put all that anger and hurt behind you and have a good life."

Sawyer's anger disappeared as Kate continued to speak.

"I want you to find a woman who will see you for all your potential and be able to help make you happy. But I'm not that woman. I realized that last night. We're not 'that' person that makes the other whole. That person that helps put all the pieces together. I thought we were, but we're not."

Sawyer could feel tears building up in his eyes. He couldn't believe what Kate was telling him. That she didn't believe they were meant to be. Here was the first woman he had ever fallen in love with and she was telling him goodbye. The majority of him was telling him to fight her tell her she was crazy and hold on to her as tight as he could until she realized what she was saying was probably out of guilt for sleeping with another man. But there was a part – his heart – that was telling him that what Kate was saying was true. They were hurting each other and it had to stop. He thought about how Kate had changed over the last year. How she seemed to have lost an essential part of her personality that just made her "Kate" that spitfire independent sassiness that made Sawyer compete with Jack for her attention. As he looked up at her he saw a pleading in her eyes that he understand…that he let her go.

"This is what you want?" he asked softly.

"It's for the best. For the both of us." She replied with tears now forming in her eyes.

"Where will you go?" He asked.

She shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. But then I never knew where I would end up before the crash. I just went."

Sawyer stood up and took the young woman in his arms and hugged her tightly. "I'm gonna miss you Freckles."

"I'm going to miss you too, James." She replied letting the tears flow.

Watching the whole scene with Boone Kate found herself in tears over what had just happened. She and Sawyer parting ways. Shaking her head she turned to Boone. "Can we go now?" she asked.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Okay, this is a short chapter before I get to Kate getting to see what her life with Jack could be like.**_

**Chapter 7**

Back on the Island

It was almost 3 in the morning and the only sounds that could be heard were the steady crashing of the waves on the shore and the popping of the burning wood from the continuous bon fire. The reflection of the full moon played off the water giving the ocean an almost glasslike appearance.

But inside Kate's tent she continued to lay unconscious, her body fighting the venom and the fever that it brought on. Jack sat next to her applying a cool wet cloth to her forehead and arms. He and Sun had removed most of her clothing leaving only her tank top and underwear in hopes of cooling off her overheated body.

While Jack had put on a confident manner when he explained to Sawyer and the others that they would have to be patient and allow this illness to work it's way through her system, inside he was beating himself up racking his brain for something else that would help her, something that would cure her. All of his medical training and he wasn't sure he was going to be able to save the woman he care so deeply for. Sun had tried to get him to leave for awhile and go lay down in Sayid's tent, but he refused to leave Kate's side. He needed to be there to somehow let her know he was there holding on, helping her fight this.

Sawyer has been there for a couple of hours earlier. He didn't say more than a few words to Jack. He simply came in and sat down next to her watching her breathe. He even helped Jack put more of Sun's paste on her legs grabbing the bowl from Jack and scooping out a handful of the concoction before giving the bowl back. But the silence of the night, his sense of helplessness and the sight of Kate not moving except for the rise and fall of her chest drove Sawyer back to his tent.

Jack just continued to sit next to her, watching her, trying to keep the fear of possibly losing her for good buried deep inside him. Taking her hand in his he turned it up and brought the palm to his lips and softly kissed her wrist.

"Don't leave me, Kate. "He whispered. "Please don't leave me."


	8. Chapter 8

Sorry for the delay my computer caught a virus and had to be recreated. I'm changing the format a bit on this – got tired of typing "Future Kate" so for the flash forwards I'm using italics and present time in regular text. Hope it doesn't get confusing.

Oh and props to bwcheer for guessing who the next 'guide' would be.

Chapter 8 

Boone led Kate back to the sparsely decorated room where they had first met up. Silently Kate sat down on the couch crossed her legs and then leaned forward resting her face against her hands. She was still trying to process everything she had witnessed. She couldn't believe that life with Sawyer had been unhappy enough to have both of them do things to hurt each other – even if they hadn't done it intentionally. Life on the run still left her feeling alone and hollow even with another person by her side.

"Kate?" Boone sat down next to her. "You okay?"

"Okay? This whole thing we just witnessed sucked. My future life sucked." She stated softly. "How can I be okay with that?"

"Technically, that could be your future." Boone pointed out. "A lot depends on the decisions you make now and in the future. "

"So, you're saying that Sawyer and I could still be happy…if certain decisions are made differently?" she was getting more confused by the moment.

"Not necessarily. It's like your future self told Sawyer, it's not so much the outside events that made you two unhappy it's what both of you bring to the relationship and what you need out of it that can determine it's success. He may not have or be what you need to…for lack of a better word…complete you."

"Sawyer and I would still end up hurting each other." She concluded.

Boone stood up and walked around the couch and stood behind Kate. "The point of this whole thing is for you to figure out what you truly want and what you need to make you happy."

Kate rubbed the temples of her head trying to push back an oncoming headache.

"Kate," the young man said solemnly. "It's time for me to leave."

Turning back and looking over at him she flashed briefly to how bloody his face and body had looked when he had his accident. She had never seen anyone like that before except for Tom and the image still gave her chills. Turning completely around and getting on her knees she reached over and hugged him. "I'm glad I got to see you again, Boone. I wish you could go back with me."

Boone nodded and returned the hug. "Me too. But that was my destiny and I'm okay with that." He replied.

Kate pulled away and sat back on the couch. "Bye Boone."

"Bye Kate…and Good Luck." He said before turning around and quietly walking out of the room.

With that Kate found herself alone in the room again. Alone with her thoughts. She got up and started walking around as Boone's words rang through her head. _You need to figure out what you truly want and what you need to make you happy. _ Well, a life without having to run would be truly wanted and needed, she thought to herself. A life with Sawyer didn't seem to fit that category at this point. Maybe Boone was right, maybe they couldn't 'complete' each other because they were the two same sides of a whole. They were similar she knew that and thought that was part of the attraction, but maybe it was part of the problem too. Or maybe she wasn't supposed to be happy. With everything she had done wrong in her life maybe she wasn't meant to love and be loved.

"Maybe, I'm not worthy." She thought to herself as she continued to pace back and forth mulling her thoughts around.

"Good ol' Katie. Still can't stand still for more than 5 minutes, I see." A male's voice said behind her.

Instantly recognizing the voice Kate turned and found her old boyfriend Tom Brennon standing there smiling at her.

"Oh my God, Tom." She whispered shocked to see him standing there like nothing – like he was still alive.

"Hey Katie." He greeted.

She impulsively ran over and threw her arms around him hugging him with all her strength. Tom had to take a step back in surprise. "I guess you missed me, huh?" he hugged her back.

Kate, who's eyes were filled with tears threatening to spill out, nodded. She reached up and cupped his face in her hands. "The last time I saw you you were shot and covered in blood." She cried.

"Yeah, I remember."

"I'm sorry." She ran her hands down his face. "It's my fault you're dead."

Tom shook his head. Taking her hands in his he led her back to the couch.

"Katie, it's not your fault. I was the one that made the decision to get into the car that day. I knew what was going on and I still decided to go."

"But you were only trying to help me. I never should have let you in the car. Damn it, I never should have come back and asked you to help me. It's just that I wanted to see my mom and…"she started crying again. "And you got killed because of it."

"I got killed by a policeman who shot me. You didn't kill me Katie." Tom took his thumb and gently wiped the tears from her eyes. "You need to let that guilt go."

"Y-you're dead because of me." She sniffled. "If it wasn't for me you'd still be alive and raising your son."

Tom sighed and pulled Kate into his arms to hug her. "Stop blaming yourself. It won't bring me back and neither will you trying to punish yourself. It's time to let it go Katie and let yourself feel some of the good stuff."

Kate stayed in his embrace for a moment longer enjoying the warmth and safety she had long forgotten. "What good stuff?" she asked. "I'm plane wrecked on some strange island in the middle of nowhere, with a security system that rattles trees, tears people apart and then poofs into black smoke, a crazy woman who thinks we're all going to die. And now all the survivors know about me being a fugitive and they don't trust me." She told him.

"But there's Jack." Tom pointed out. "He's known about you the longest and he trusts you."

Kate pulled herself out of Tom's embrace and pulled her hair back trying to fix her ponytail.

"Jack doesn't completely trust me. I can see it in his eyes." She stated.

"Maybe that's because you need to be more honest with him. That's all he wants."

Not wanting to answer Kate changed the subject. "Aren't you here to show me what life would be like if I…I…pick Jack."

"Nice dodge, Katie, but we're not ready to leave just yet." He pulled her over to the couch again. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too." She whispered laying her head on his chest. "I wish things could be different."

"You know it's time to stop this. You're a good person, Katie, who was dealt a rotten hand in life but it's still not too late to change some things. "

"Like what? If we manage to get off the island I'll be running again. Anything I try to change on the island isn't going to change that."

"Katie, you don't have to run if you don't want to. You can stop that. You're a strong enough person." He pushed her out of his embrace and cupped her cheek. "I know you are."

"But I'll go to jail and I can't do that." She replied with a scared look in her eyes. "That would be worse than running."

"You don't know about jail. There were mitigating circumstances. Once you tell the police what really happened…" he was repeating almost the same words he had said to her right before the car crash.

"What if it doesn't matter?" her voice seemed to hold a helplessness tone as if she had given up hope long ago.

"But what if it does?" he retorted. "Look Katie, for this whole thing to work you've got to start believing that you're not this evil person that needs to repent for the rest of her life, that needs to sacrifice herself for the mistakes she made. We all made mistakes and bad decisions, but you can start over and move on. Once you do that you can be happy."


	9. Chapter 9

**I'm changing the format a bit on this – got tired of typing "Future Kate" so for the flash forwards I'm using italics and present time in regular text. Hope it doesn't get confusing.**

Chapter 9 

Tom took Kate's hand in his and led her through the wall like Boone had before. They came out to a residential street with several houses along the street lined with lemon, orange and oak trees.

"We're in Los Angeles." Tom explained. "Or rather a neighborhood about 45 minutes outside of Los Angeles."

Kate looked around at the almost tranquil setting of the older style houses with their green lawns and bright blooming flowers. It was relatively quiet and she guessed it must be in the middle of the day when most of the residents were at work or school. There seemed to be a peaceful and calming sense of the area that Kate liked.

"Jack lives here?" she asked softly not able to ask if _she_ and Jack lived there.

"Yeah, he apparently bought the house after his divorce. He wanted out of the city."

The two walked up to the sand colored house before them. Kate noticed that while the lawn was the cut it looked like the front entry way had been neglected with only a single potted plant in the corner that had seen better days. Once inside they found the house appeared to be empty. Kate started looking around curious to learn what kind of place Jack might live in. She found a Spanish style house with an archway entrance to the dining area and a warm open kitchen. A picture window framed the dining table and looked out into a spacious backyard in need of a landscaper. The archway led in from the large living room with a brick fireplace as its focal point. The furniture looked like Jack probably had hired a decorator, but it lacked any real personal items that would make the house more him, she thought. Very few photos and hardly any knickknacks populated the rooms. But she liked it – especially the hard wood floors. It gave it such a rustic feel.

"This is nice." She stated as she ran her hand along the back of the couch. "I like the style."

"Can you see yourself living here?" Tom asked.

Before Kate could reply they heard the key in the front door open and second later Jack, wearing a suit, walked in followed by a tired and anxious looking Kate.

Here we go, Kate thought.

_Throwing the keys on the table near the front door Jack motioned towards the living room. "Go ahead and make yourself at home." He told Kate_.

_Clutching her overnight bag Kate nodded and made her way over to the couch._

"_Want something to drink?" he offered as he took off his jacket. "I've got juice and soda."_

"_Actually some water would be good." She replied looking around the living room as she sat down. "This is a nice place, Jack." _

"_Thanks." He said from the kitchen. "I really liked it the first time I saw it…especially the hardwood floors. Hey, you hungry? I'm thinking we can order a pizza."_

"_Sure" _

Kate turned and looked at Tom with a 'what's up' look on her face.

"After the rescue boat came, they took you into custody. You had decided it was time to face everything and at least try and stop running. Jack convinced you to trust him to help you through all this."

"I gave myself up?" she asked surprised.

"Well, it's not like you had much of a choice with the rescue and all. But yeah, you did. And you lucked out. The judge placed a $250,000 bond on you and when you were released the court put an ankle bracelet on you. You're out on bail until the trial provided you check in once a week with your attorney and once a week with the pre-trial officer. You also had to have a place to live and Jack offered you his house immediately."

"Did he pay bail too?"

"Actually, Hugo Reyes or Hurley as you guys call him, paid it."

"Hurley posted bail? Boy, I guess he wasn't kidding about winning the lottery." She was taken by surprise that Hurley would do a gesture like that for her especially how he seemed to somewhat be guarded around her at times.

Tom put this hand on her shoulder and squeezed. "Katie, you made some solid friendships on the island. People care about you, even if right now it doesn't seem like that."

"Are Jack and I together?" she asked shyly.

"You were together while you were still on the island and it was going good, I might add. But when you were rescued being the bull-headed independent woman that you are you broke it off with Jack not wanting to, as you told him, burden him with all of this. Lucky for you, Jack is as bull-headed as you are and refused to walk away. So right now your relationship is on the backburner while you focus on your legal problems." Tom explained.

_Jack came out with a couple of glasses of water and handed one to Kate and sat down next to her_.

"_Thank you." She said _

"_So what do you like on your pizza?" he asked._

"_Lots of cheese." She replied quickly without really thinking._

"_Okay," he laughed. "Lots of cheese it is. How about we do half meat and half veggies with extra cheese on both sides?" _

_Kate took a long drink of her water nervously. "That sounds good."_

_For a moment neither of them spoke and the silence was almost unbearable to Kate. "Jack, thank you." She finally said looking up at him as he loosened and took off his tie._

_Meeting her gaze and holding it he smiled. "You don't need to thank me, Kate" he said softly. "I told you I would help you with this."_

_Kate's heart raced for a second as she looked into his hazel eyes. She remembered the countless times she looked into those same eyes on the island and would get lost in them. Neither one seemed to want to break the gaze until Jack finally cleared his throat. _

"_Ahum…I guess I should show you your room so you can get settled in." he stood up and took her bag. "Come on."_

_Kate followed him towards the back of the house into the hallway. "My room is here and I thought you could take the one across from it" He opened the door and took a step back to let Kate go in first. The guest room had soft muted green walls and a double bed in the middle under the window. A chest of drawers stood across from it with a small tv on top and an older oversize chair in the corner with a lamp next to it. _

"_This is nice, Jack" Kate commented as she looked around. The definitely beat a dark cave in the jungle._

"_The bathroom is next door. I put fresh towels out, thought you'd probably want to take a bath." He explained as he followed her into the room and placed her bag on the chair._

"_Thanks." She replied looking at some clothes on the end of the bed. "What's this?"_

_Jack blushed slightly. "I didn't know how many clothes you've got so I left you a pair of my sweats and a tee shirt if you want."_

_Kate smiled. He seemed to be trying hard to make sure she was comfortable. "A shower should really good." _

"_Ah…okay. I'll go ahead and leave you to get moved in. I'll order the pizza that way it'll probably be here by the time you're done."_

_Kate looked over at the young doctor next to her and had a feeling of security wash over her. He seemed to have this natural ability to make her feel safe no matter what else was going on around them. Smiling she stood up on her toes and kisses Jack's cheek impulsively. "Thank you for everything, Jack. I know you didn't have to do any of this, but I'm grateful." She said softly._

_Jack reached up and gently caressed her cheek dragging a finger down her hairline and tucking a loose curl behind her ear. "You're right. I don't have to do this…I want to do this. I meant it Kate when I said I would be there for you and help you fix this."_

_Kate bit her bottom lip and fought back tears. She had never met a man quite like Jack – one willing to put so much on the line for her. She didn't know what she had done to deserve him in her life but she silently said a quick prayer that he was._

_Jack's thumb continued to caress her cheek as he swallowed hard. Being this close to her was affecting him more than he realized. Part of him wanted to pull her into his arms and devour her in kisses but the rest of him remembered Kate's request to put their relationship on hold so he reluctantly pulled back his hand. "Enjoy your bath." He said hoarsely and walked out of the room._

Kate cleared her throat watching it all play out. How does Jack manage to make her feel okay with being under house arrest, she thought to herself.

"Probably because he believes in you, he cares deeply for you and he believes this will all work out." Tom commented out loud answering her question.

"Don't tell me, you read minds?" Kate asked.

Tom laughed and nodded. "Helps. Especially since you've always had a habit of internalizing. I don't have to guess what you're thinking…like when we were kids."

"Great" Kate mumbled. "And just for the record you were always a good guesser."

"Look Katie, what I'm trying to show you is that you need to start trusting your feelings. It's okay to trust yourself and others."

"Like Jack?" she asked.

"Yeah," he nodded. "Like Jack."

"But what if he doesn't trust me completely?" she wanted to know. "I know right now he doesn't"

"Well, maybe that's in part because you haven't been completely honest with him, have you? He has reason to feel that he doesn't really know you and what you might be capable of."

"I know." Kate said softly already knowing what Tom was telling her.

"Katie, you know you want to trust him. What are you afraid of?" Tom placed a hand on her arm.

She shrugged her shoulders. "That if I tell him everything he'll go away." She admitted.

"Well," Tom pointed out. "He didn't run away in this, did he?"

"And he knows everything?" She turned and looked at her friend in surprise.

"Ah huh. You told him the whole story when you decided to get involved with him."

"And he didn't run away?" Kate said more to herself than to Tom.

"He didn't run away. " Tom replied.

**Ch 10 preview: We find out what Kate did to make her run as she takes steps towards taking back her life.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Returning back to Jack's empty living room, Tom explained that a week had now passed since Kate had moved in with Jack. They were starting to fall into a comfortable routine with Jack returning to work and Kate, trying to keep her mind off her legal problems, started working on fixing up Jack's backyard planting and gardening.

Meanwhile Jack had convinced Kate, with much argument, that he wanted her to meet and talk with his friend, Mark Silverman, who's a detective with the Los Angeles Police Department. Kate, not one to trust law enforcement, refused at first but Jack explained Mark was his closest friend and could be trusted. This would be strictly off the record. Jack wanted to see if there was anything Mark could do with keeping Kate out of jail permanently. Kate finally gave in and agreed to have him over for dinner.

"You're kidding me, "Kate commented to Tom. "I'm having dinner with a cop?"

_On cue the doorbell rang and Jack came out of the kitchen to let Mark in. _

"_Hey man good to see you." Mark greeted Jack with their usual handshake – something they carried over from their childhood. _

"_Glad you could make it." Jack led him into the living room. _

"_Yeah, well a dinner invitation at your house that doesn't include pizza and beer is a rare treat. How could I say no?" The blonde haired man joked._

"_Never heard you complaining." Jack replied._

"_Smells good." Mark commented as he put down his day planner on the coffee table._

"_Baked chicken." _

"_Cool. I brought some wine for dinner." He handed Jack the bottle. "So… where is she?"_

"_In the kitchen. Hey Kate!" Jack called out. _

_A few seconds later Kate came out of the kitchen nervously smiling. She removed her apron to revel an emerald green top, which complemented her eyes, worn over blank jeans. Her curls worn down and loose. Mark was instantly smitten._

"_Kate Austin meet Mark Silverman." Jack made the introductions._

_Kate nervously put her hand out and Mark took it. "Hi" she said quietly. "Nice to meet you."_

"_Nice to meet you too." Mark replied glancing briefly to Jack before turning back to Kate. "Jack said you were beautiful, he wasn't kidding." _

_Kate turned quickly and looked at Jack who was blushing slightly. "Did he?" she smiled trying to catch his glance._

"_Yeah" Mark slowly released her hand. "Several times."_

"_Thanks Mark." Jack chuckled before giving Kate a quick smile. She returned his smile and mouthed the words 'Thank you'_

_Glancing back between the two Mark cleared his throat slightly. "Dinner smells good."_

"_Thanks" Kate replied quickly. "Ahum…it's almost ready. Can you set the table, Jack?"_

_Conversation during dinner was kept light with Jack and Mark telling Kate about growing up together. She enjoyed hearing about how Jack the boy was still very much like Jack the man. _

_But after dinner Mark pulled out his day planner and the three sat down to discuss her situation. Even though Mark didn't have any jurisdiction in her crimes he did have various law enforcement connections that could help. Plus his investigative experience would help assess her what she was facing._

"_So Kate" Mark started, "Jack told me some general stuff about your case along with what was in the wanted bulletin, but it's probably a good idea to start at the beginning and explain what happened and why."_

_Kate looked over at Jack for a moment still not completely comfortable telling her story to a person she had just met and wasn't sure about trusting. Jack reached over and squeezed her hand trying to reassure her. He remembered how hard it had been for Kate when she told him the first time about her past. She took a deep breath and started slowly._

"_My parents divorced when I was about 11 years old. My little sister Eva and I stayed with our mom in Iowa. My father was in the military and he was stationed in Texas for awhile before going to England. My mom married this guy Ted Payton when I was about 13. Eva and I never really liked him but mom seemed really happy and she wasn't struggling to put food on the table anymore._

"_So, then what happened?" Mark asked._

"_He…ahum…he started coming into my room at night." She swallowed hard. _

"_He was molesting you?" _

_She nodded slowly. "The first couple of times he just touched me and I…ahum… I pretended I was asleep. I didn't know what else to do."_

"_Did you tell your mom?"_

"_No. I was too scared to tell anybody." Kate looked over at Jack and Mark could guess she was trying to get her strength from him._

"_After those couple of times did things progress?" he asked gently._

_She nodded her head. "Ah huh, he would wake me up and make me…make me do things to him and he would do things to me. He…ahum…he told me that if I told anybody he would hurt my mom and my sister and it would be my fault. " Kate sniffed back her tears trying hard not to start crying._

"_You two had sex?" Mark probed. "I don't mean to be graphic but it could explain your actions."_

_She nodded but didn't answer out loud. A brief scene from her childhood flashed in her mind and she shuttered at the memory. "I tried running away but the cops would always bring me back. I even tried to tell the cops but when they asked my mom, she told them nothing was going on that I was lying for attention."_

"_They didn't do a medical exam?"_

"_My mom wouldn't file a complaint and Tom told them he had caught me having sex with one of the guys in my class and that was why I was saying all this – to get back at him." She said slowly. "It wasn't a big town and I don't think the cops really wanted to pursue this." She took a long drink of water before continuing. "He left me alone for awhile but then when he figured everything had died down he started coming back. I tried to stop him but I was scared that he would hurt my sister and my mom."_

"_How long did it go on?"_

"_Until I was about to graduate from high school. I wanted to get out of there so bad I went to summer school to graduate a semester early. I was going to leave and never look back." She took a couple of deep breaths. "I had a job and when I wasn't working I stayed at the library to study. I use to stay out as late as I could or I'd sneak out and go stay at my friend's house. Anything not to be at the house." Her eyes watered up as she continued through the memories. _

"_What led to the shooting?" Mark continued to probe gently sensing Kate was trying to keep control of her emotions. He didn't want her to shut down and stop talking._

_She took a deep breath and squeezed Jack's hand again. "Take your time." Jack told her quietly. "It's okay."_

"_When I was close to finishing high school he stopped coming to my room. He stopped paying extra attention to me so I thought it was over. But it wasn't. It wasn't over. He just decided to go after Eva. She was only 12 years old!" Kate spit out. "I came home late one night and I saw the son of a bitch coming out of her room just like he used to do with me. I couldn't believe it and I couldn't let him do that to her. Eva wasn't going to go through what I went through. So I went to her and I made her tell me what he was doing to her. She didn't want to at first, he had threatened her like he had me. But she finally told me what he was doing."_

"_Did you tell your mom?"_

_Kate's eyes grew hard at the question. "No, I knew she would think that we were lying, that I had put Eva up to this. Ted had my mom so turned around and so scared of leaving her that she wouldn't have done anything against him. But I told Eva I would stop him from hurting her. I promised her he wouldn't keep coming to her room, so I got the gun my dad had left us and I waited for him in her room the next night."_

"_Eva wasn't there?"_

"_No," Kate shook her head. "I sent her to sleep in my room."_

"_So, was the plan to shoot him?" Mark asked._

_Kate looked away from the two men as she slowly shook her head again. "No, I just wanted to scare him. I wanted to show him that we weren't defenseless anymore. I wanted to get him to leave Eva alone." _

"_What did he say?"_

"_He tried to deny he was doing anything to her. He kept telling me it was different with me. I was special. When that didn't work he started to get angry and he tried to take the gun away. He pushed me and the gun fell under the bed, and that's when he hit across the face. I fell and I grabbed the gun and when he started to come towards me again I pulled the trigger. I don't really remember pulling it, it all happened so fast. But I shot him in the groin. Ironic huh?" she continued after a second. "He was laying on the floor and there was blood all over him and that's when my mom came running in."_

"_She saw you with the gun still in your hand?"_

"_Yeah, she kept yelling, 'What did you do, Katie? What did you do?' "_

"_That's when you ran?" Mark surmised. _

"_Yeah, my mind just went blank and I just ran. I didn't mean to shoot him. I just wanted him to stop, to leave us alone. But I figured they'd never believe me, so I left before the cops got there."_

"_Did anyone else know what really happened?" he asked._

"_Only my friend Tom. He kept telling me that I should turn myself in, but I couldn't. I just wanted to leave. Tom gave me some money and he snuck me out of town on a bus."_

"_Tom? Is that Tom Brennon, the guy that got killed that day outside the hospital in Iowa?" Mark looked down at this notes._

_Kate's eyes watered up again. "Ah huh, he was only trying to help me see my mom, she was in the hospital, he was only trying to help and I got him killed." She whispered._

_Jack squeezed her hand again and placed his other hand on top. "You didn't kill him, Kate." He said and turned to his friend. "I think she's had enough for tonight, Mark."_

_The young man nodded his head but then asked. "Can I just ask one more thing and that'll be it?"_

"_Mark, I don't think that's a good idea." Jack said assuming his role as Kate's protector. "She's had enough."  
_

_Taking a deep breath Kate nodded, "That's okay, go ahead Mark"_

"_The bank robbery, why didn't you take any of the money?"_

"_It was never about the money," she replied. "It was about something more valuable."_

"_She took a toy airplane that belonged to Tom when he was a child." Jack explained. "She was hoping to give it to his son someday."_

_Mark looked over at the emotionally drawn woman. A toy airplane? She commits a felony to retrieve a toy? Unbelievable._

"_Why don't we call it a night?" Jack suggested standing up. Mark nodded and joined him standing while Kate remained sitting lost in thoughts._

_Jack bent down and gently caressed her shoulder to get her attention. "I'm gonna walk Mark out and be right back."_

_She didn't answer but nodded telling him she had heard him._

_Mark and Jack walked silently to front door. "So what do you think?" Jack asked Mark as they stepped outside and he closed the door._

_Mark took a deep breath. "Well, she sure went through a lot as a kid, didn't she?"_

"_Yeah, she had it pretty rough." _

"_It could be a good argument for the shooting. All those years of abuse and then seeing the guy doing it to her little sister. But she has a lot of other stuff with the bank robbery and the running to overcome."_

"_Yeah, but doesn't it help that she didn't take the money?"_

"_It might, but she did shoot three men during the robbery." Mark pointed out._

"_She did that to keep them from killing the bank manager. And it's not like she killed them. She shoot them in the legs."_

_Mark looked over at the man he had known since childhood. Probably the one guy who knew him better than even his own family and let out a small laugh. "You really got it bad, don't you?"_

"_What?" Jack asked._

"_Kate…you really got it bad for her." He replied._

_Jack blushed. "Mark…"_

"_You're standing herer justifying her shooting 4 guys." His friend replied._

"_She had reason." Jack argued._

"_Ok."_

"_Look, I'm not trying to excuse what she did – I know she broke the law, but was pushed into it. She's not this evil cold hearted killer, Mark. She's a warm and compassionate person and she cares about people, I saw that on the island. She put herself out there for others and…"_

"_Yup, you've got it bad." Mark laughed._

_Jack looked at his friend not sure what to say next. Finally he just smiled. "Are you going to help or not?" he asked._

_Mark didn't answer for a moment giving Jack the impression he was thinking about it. "Yeah, I'm gonna see what I can do, but I'm not making any promises."_

"_I know." Jack smiled widely and hugged Mark. "But thanks for at least wanting to try."_

"_How can I not?" Mark returned the brief hug and pulled back. "She's the one, isn't she?"_

"_How'd you know that?"_

"_Because, you never looked at any woman, including Sarah, the way you looked at Kate tonight." Mark explained. "I'll do what I can to help you keep her out of jail."_

Kate listened quietly to their conversation as Tom watched her. She hadn't said anything since the start of the dinner. Tom knew what she was feeling – the pain she had gone through was not gone and probably would never completely leave her. But she needed to get past that pain and get past the guilt to be able to put together a life and be able to be happy. Tom wanted to tell her that he hoped that she would eventually understand that the answers she was searching for are right in front of her – if she allows herself to see them. Instead he reached over and put a hand on her shoulder and left her to her thoughts.


	11. Chapter 11

_**Thanks for the continued reviews. And October Sky thanks for the heads up on the anonymous reviewers - took care of that! Hope you guys are still enjoying this and hope it's not dragging. It's just that I figured it took Kate a few years to get to the point before the crash it's going to take more than 1 chapter for her to see how it could be fixed and for her to be convinced it's what she wants.**_

**Chapter 11**

Back on the island

Kate continued to lay unconscious through the night and the next morning and Jack continued to watch over her checking her temperature with a thermometer someone had located in the stray luggage and trying to keep her cool. The good news was that her fever had not spike higher than 103 degrees, but bad news it wouldn't break.

After the first day, Sawyer would only glance inside briefly and then sit outside the entrance to the tent for awhile until his feeling of helplessness would build and drive him back to his tent. _Why the hell won't she wake up? _He had asked Jack several times only to have the doctor tell him Kate's body was fighting the infection. _Hell, he probably doesn't even know why it's happening let alone how to fix it. _Sawyer thought to himself. _Hero doctor with no idea of how to fix this. People ain't gonna be putting him on a pedestal anymore if he can't make Kate better from a spider bite! _His mind flashed back to the time his Aunt Loretta died when Sawyer was 16 years old. He remembered sitting in the sterile white hallway with his Uncle Ted when the doctor strolled out in his crisp white lab coat and told them Loretta had not survived her heart attack. "I'm sorry sir, we did everything we could but her heart was too weak.' He had explained. Sawyer remembered seeing one of the nurses from his aunt's room standing near the nurse's station laughing just a couple of minutes later. His Aunt Loretta had died and she was laughing. It was just another unfortunate patient to that nurse and the doctor. He wouldn't have been surprised if they hadn't done 'everything they could'.

Shaking his head he stood up and looked out into the horizon. While he knew it would be easy to paint Jack as the cold sterile doctor and Kate as just another patient he knew in his heart that wasn't true. Kate meant more than that to Jack and Sawyer knew that Jack wouldn't just give up and let her go. He would fight for her with all that he had. He had seen what he did to try and save Boone and hell he wasn't in love with Boone.

Meanwhile Sayid had entered Kate's tent to talk to Jack. Sun asked him to try and get him to lie down to get some rest. He had not slept more than a couple of hours during this whole situation. "Jack, how's she doing?" he asked quietly.

"The same as before." Jack replied softly. Sayid could hear the frustration and tiredness in his voice.

"Maybe you should do and get some rest." Sayid suggested. "Sun can come in and sit with her."

Jack shook his head. "No, I'm fine." He replied firmly. "I need to stay here and monitor her temperature and make sure they are no changes in her breathing or…"

Sayid put a hand on Jack's shoulder. "And if you collapse, how will that help her?"

"I'm fine." Jack looked back at Sayid. His gaze was steady and determined, but Sayid could see a smaller flicker of fear behind the gaze. A flicker of anger at not being able to fix this, not being able to make Kate better now.

"I know how you feel, "Sayid said softly. "And I know what she means to you. But you're exhausted Jack. And exhaustion can lead to errors in judgement…"

"That's not going to happened." Jack interrupted. "I've worked with little or no sleep many times."

"And how will that help her?" he repeated his earlier question. "You make a mistake because you're tired? Just lie down and get some rest."

Jack glanced back at Kate and knew that the other man was right. He was tired and he did need some rest. He'd been no good to her if he collapse of exhaust.

"Fine," he conceded, "But I'll lay down over there." He pointed to the corner of the tent. "That way I can be here if anything changes."

Sayid nodded, "She's going to be fine, Jack. Have faith." He said. "I'll go and get Sun."

Claire watched as Sayid walked out of the tent and over the small sand hill to Sun. The Asian woman and he spoke and she nodded smiling then made her way back towards the tent. Claire turned back over to Charlie and Hurley. "Do you think Kate's going to be okay?"

Neither of the men spoke up right away thinking about her question.

"You don't think she is going to die?" Claire asked astonished at the thought. She didn't think their group could stand the idea of losing another member so soon after Boone. Just when they thought they were okay, something else on this stupid island sprang up.

"Her fever is still pretty high." Charlie said softly. "Sun said it needs to break before she'll wake up."

"And if it doesn't?" Claire asked but Charlie only shrugged his shoulders not wanting to answer that question.

"Dude, all I know is that I don't think Jack could take losing her." Hurley commented. Charlie nodded his head in agreement but didn't say anything.

Sun entered the tent and handed Jack an extra pillow. She gently pushed him to take it and then turned him towards the bedding.

"Wake me if anything…anything changes." Jack instructed firmly.

"Don't worry Jack, I will. Just get some sleep." She rubbed his forearm in a soothing manner. "Believe she'll be okay."

Nodding he took the pillow and walked over to the makeshift bed in the corner to lay down. A few minutes later Sun heard a light snoring telling her he had finally drifted off to sleep.

Dripping a little water on Kate's lips Sun leaned down and whispered, "I don't think you have any idea how much he cares."

(Kate's Dream)

Tom had given Kate a chance to take a short nap. With all she had witnessed so far she was emotionally drained and needed a chance to regroup. The next time they appeared at Jack's house it was early in the morning.

_Kate woke up and glanced at the alarm clock – 8:00 a.m. groaning slightly she rolled out of bed and listened. The house was silent. Jack usually would have the morning news on if he was up so she figured he was sleeping in not having to be at work until the afternoon. An idea popped into her head and smiling mischievously she grabbed a pillow off her bed and quietly made her way out into the hall. Jack had gotten into the habit of leaving his bedroom door ajar in case she needed anything during the night. Gently pushing the door open she stepped inside still clutching the pillow. She spied Jack sleeping soundly his window open and a light morning breeze gently blowing through the sheer curtains. Tiptoeing closer she watched for any signs that Jack might be awake. He looked very peaceful stretched out with one arm draped over his head. She watched his bare chest rise and fall with each breath, his features softened in slumber. 'Definitely easy on the eyes' she told herself. _

_With another mischievous smile on her face she raised the pillow just above her head right over his chest. Before she could bring it down two strong arms reached up, grabbed her waist and pulled her onto the bed._

"_Gotcha!" Jack yelled out as he rolled over and got on top of her._

"_Jack!" she yelled out in surprise. "I thought you were asleep." She laughed._

"_And what, thought you'd give me a wake up call?" he replied laughing, his eyes dancing in delight that he had caught her in mid attack._

_Kate still had the pillow and pulled it up and grazed him on top of his head. "Gotcha!" she told him trying to lift her arm with the pillow again._

"_Hey!" Jack cried out. "You're hitting an unarmed man." He loosened his grip on her and tried to reach over for a pillow. _

_Given the opportunity Kate wiggled out from underneath him and off the bed. Before Jack could turn around she swung the pillow and hit him in the shoulder. "You're too slow Shepard" she called out swinging again. This time she was met with a whack on her hip._

"_Not that slow!" he replied managing to get in another hit and Kate squealed. When she bent over to give herself a little cover from the pillow Jack was wielding he grabbed her waist again and pulled her back on top of him and he laid back on the bed. _

"_No fair" she cried out trying to reach for another pillow. Jack meantime reached up and tickled her sides causing Kate to giggle. "Jack, stop. No fair." She laughed harder. "You know I'm ticklish." _

_He continued his attack. "All's fair in love and pillow wars." He replied laughing along getting lost in the moment. "Cry uncle?" he asked._

"_Never!" she replied defiantly between giggles. It seemed like such a long time that she had laughed this much and she didn't want it to end so quickly. "Wait 'til I get that pillow, you'll be in trouble." She giggled._

"_Shouldn't have said that," Jack smiled broadly and started tickling both sides sending her into a giggle frenzy. "Say uncle." He said. "Come on, uuuuncle"_

_Feeling like she couldn't laugh anymore if she didn't catch her breath, she nodded, "okay, Uncle."_

"_What?" he teased. "What was that?"_

"_Uncle. Uncle" she repeated tapping her feet up and down on the bed. _

_Jack stopped laughing and took his fingers from her sides. Feeling his grip release Kate jumped off of Jack grabbed the pillow and before he could react whacked him on the side of his chin and shoulder. _

"_Hey!" Jack cried out. "I thought we had a truce."_

_Kate stood at the edge of the bed eyes glistened with tears from laughing with a broad grin on her face. "Told you you'd pay, Dr. Shepard." She laughed._

"_Oh yeah? We'll see who pays." He jumped up and grabbed a pillow. Dropping hers in a squeal Kate ran out of the room with Jack chasing. He caught her as she reached the living room. Scooping her up in his arms he carried her to the couch and dropped her on top. Straddling her on either side he showed her his index fingers. "Be prepared for payback." He grinned devilishly. _

_Kate could barely resist that smile. She loved to see Jack smile – something he didn't do enough on the island. "I got a better idea." She said her voice getting husky. There was only so much a girl could take. _

"_And what would that be?" he asked continuing to smile playfully at her._

_Slipping her hands around Jack's neck she pulled him down to her and kissed him. Caught by surprise by her gesture it took Jack a second before he returned the kissed and deepened it. She opened her lips and accepted his tongue dueling with it as her heart started to race. His hand came up under her pajama tank top and cupped her breast as he broke off the kiss and started kissing her neck. "Jack" she moaned._

_Suddenly the phone rang. At first neither heard it as Jack returned his lips to Kate's. _

"_Jack, the phone." Kate commented breathlessly as her hands ran down his well toned arms._

"_Let the machine get it." He replied and started to lift her top up. _

"_It might be important." She heard herself saying._

"_Not that important."_

_A second later the machine turned on and a voice filled the room. "Jack, it's me Mark. I'm back from New Mexico and I've got some interesting info for you and Kate."_

_Hearing that the couple broke apart and Jack got up and grabbed the phone while Kate readjusted her shirt._

"_Hey Mark, I'm here." He said into the receiver. "Yeah? What? I'm winded 'cause I ran in from the other room." He glanced over at Kate who blushed. "Sure. Okay, I'll give him a call and set up a meeting and I'll get back with you. Okay. I'll tell her. Bye." He hung up the receiver taking a couple of deep breathes._

"_What did he say?" Kate asked anxiously._

"_He wants to meet us with your attorney present. I told him I would call Mr. Jenkins and make the appointment."_

"_But he didn't say what he found out?" she asked._

_Jack shook his head. "No. Just that he'd tell us at the meeting."_

Kate looked over at Tom and blushed slightly. It was a little weird to watch her and Jack kissing and to watch it with her ex-boyfriend. She figured her plan of keeping Jack at arms length during her legal problems wasn't going very well.

"Kind of hard to keep all those feelings locked away." Tom commented "Even if you've got other pressing things to worry about."

"Stop that." She told him.

"Stop what?" he feigned ignorance.

"Stop reading my thoughts." She replied.

"Can't help it." He laughed. "Even if they are racy thoughts about a certain surgeon." He added.

Kate shot him a look. "Tom, that's none of your business."

"And I don't remember you being that ticklish when we were kids." He continued teasing her.

Kate reached over and slapped him on the shoulder. "Not having this conversation." She announced.

"Okay, okay" he put his hands up in defeat. "We're due at your lawyer's office anyway."

**Upcoming Chapter – We find out what Mark found out in New Mexico that will help Kate in her case. And Kate is suspicious…..**


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

Kate and Tom found themselves in the office of Patrick Jenkins of the law firm Jenkins, Collins & Associates. Mr. Jenkins had been hired by Jack on the recommendation of the family attorney. He came with a highly regarded reputation in criminal defense and an office to match. Tom explained that Mr. Jenkins had been intrigued by the complexity of Kate's case and was anxious to take it on. He felt that they had a good case not only because of the mitigating circumstances but because of the initial public interest in the survivors and their story.

_Kate and Jack arrived at the office first and checked in with the receptionist before being led into Mr. Jenkins office. A stocky middle aged man with a flicker of gray in his hair dressed in a well tailored suit greeted them cheerfully._

"_Good Morning you two." He shook hands with each and gestured to the small conference table in the corner. "Help yourself to some coffee and have a seat. We're just waiting for Detective Silverman."_

_Jack poured himself a cup of coffee but Kate declined – she was too nervous and her stomach had been queasy all morning. The last thing she wanted to do was to get sick to her stomach in her lawyer's office. As Jack sat down next to her he placed a glass of water in front of her. "In case you get thirsty." He smiled._

_A few minutes later there was a knock on the door and Mark walked in. "Sorry I'm late." He apologized, "I got called out early this morning on an armed robbery." He greeted each of them before pouring a cup of coffee and sitting down across from Jack._

"_Trip good?" Jack asked._

"Yeah, New Mexico has some pretty country this time of the year." Mark replied pulling a folder out of his briefcase.

_Patrick Jenkins sat down with his file. "I've filed a change of venue for these proceedings to have them moved here and I've looked into meeting with the prosecutors to see about working out some sort of plea agreement. If that's not a go then I've got a couple of very solid good psychiatrists that can examine you and help me set up a defense." He explained to Kate. "I trust you don't have a problem with doctors?" he joked. _

_Kate smiled weakly and glanced over at Jack, "No problem" she replied._

"_Good. Now, Det. Silverman, I understand from Jack that you went to New Mexico to look further into the bank robbery and the 3 aggravated assault charges stemming from that incident."_

"_Yes, sir" Mark nodded. "I contacted a detective that I met previously at a training seminar who hooked me up with the riding detective, Ted Cramer, on that case. He was kind enough to give me access to the case file. The three counts of agg assault are for shooting the other three robbers involved – a Tyler Lewis, Stan Murphy and Jason Richards. The bank manager, Mark Hutton, told police that you did it because one of them threatened to kill him after he saw his face."_

"_Yeah, that was Jason." Kate replied. "He had pointed the gun at the man and we had agreed before that no one was going to get hurt. I took the gun away and stopped him."_

"_That could be favorable to our defense." Patrick spoke up. "We can use the fact that you were trying to protect the bank manager."_

"_Actually, we may not need that. Det. Cramer and I did some checking. It seems that two of the three guys are dead."_

"_What?" Kate asked surprised. _

"_Not from the shooting?" Jack replied._

_Mark looked up and shook his head before returning his notes. "No, no. Lewis was killed last year in prison after he pissed off another inmate. They found him in the laundry room behind a dryer with a makeshift knife in his side."_

"_Shit." Jack cursed. Kate remained silent and took a sip of her water._

"_The other guy, Murphy, was killed in a car accident before he could be sentenced for his part in the robbery."_

"_What about Jason?" Kate asked softly remembering the handsome man she had enlisted in helping her._

"_Mr. Richards is still in prison and facing additional charges of trying to smuggle drug paraphernalia in. He was selling drugs in prison." Mark continued. "Det. Cramer and I went and had a little 'chat' with Jason. I explained to him that I wanted him to agree to having the assault charged dropped against you."_

"_Can he do that?" Kate asked confused._

"_Yes. Basically, if the victim is unwilling to prosecute then there is no crime. The other two charges can be dismissed since the vics are dead, but with Jason alive…"_

"_He has to agree to drop the charges." Jack finished Mark's sentence._

"_But Mark, Jason hates me." Kate pointed out. "I think he'd take great pleasure in knowing I would be going to jail."_

"_He did mention something to that effect." The young man replied. "Of course guys like Jason are two bit criminals that end up in more hot water then they can handle. And that's where he is right now in the middle of some very hot water. We offered him a small life preserve."_

"_As in…?" Patrick asked._

"_Did I mention that Det. Cramer has been an officer for about 25 years with almost 18 of those years a detective? He's made a lot of connections on both sides. He essentially gave Jason a little deal, agree to refuse to prosecute and Cramer would help him out with the guards and maybe put in a word with the prosecutor about his new charges." _

"_Did he go for it?" Kate was almost afraid to hear the answer. She remember how pissed off and hurt Jason was when she shot him – when he realized she was using him._

"_Eventually, after a little more coaxing from Cramer, it was cool to watch that man work, he signed the victim release form." Mark handed the document to Patrick. "I assume you will take care of filing this?"_

"_Of course." Patrick smiled at the young man." Good work."_

"_It was really all Det. Cramer. After he heard some of Kate's story he wanted to try and help. He read about what you guys when through on the island." Mark explained. "And he also told me that at this point the bank has no desire to pursue prosecution on the robbery either. Given the time frame and the fact that no money was taken they felt it would be in their best interest to just let it go away." _

_Jack smiled and turned and looked at Kate who was starting to look a little flushed. He reached over and took her hand in his. "This is good news." She nodded slowly feeling her stomach jump a little. She took in a small breath trying to calm it down._

"_Do we have anything from the bank indicating that?" Patrick asked as he jotted down some notes. _

"_Cramer will get that faxed over to me and I'll get it to you." Mark replied._

"_Well, looks like you had a successful trip, Det. Silverman." Patrick stood up and closed the file. "I'll wait for that paperwork and in the meantime look into the defense angle of the first shooting."_

_Mark and Jack stood as well. "Think this guy Payton going to be interested in pursuing this if he realizes the allegations that will come out about him? And he's not going to make for a very sympathetic victim; I can't see the Iowa prosecutor wanting to take this to trial" Mark commented._

"_That's what I'm counting on. A young traumatized teen age girl being pushed into protecting her younger sister from the same abuse." _

_They looked over at Kate who was still sitting at the table, her face looking pale. Jack bent down and looked at her closer. "You okay, Kate? You look a little pale."_

"_I think I may be sick." She replied standing up all of a sudden. That was a mistake, now she knew she was going to be sick. She rushed out of the office and ran into the bathroom. _

_Mark looked over at Jack. "She okay?"_

"_Nerves." Jack replied. "I think all this stress is just getting to her. The quicker we get this finished the better she'll be."_

_A short time later Jack and Kate arrived back at the house with Jack leading Kate straight to the couch. "Go ahead and lay down. I'm going to get a cool cloth for your head." He said using his doctor take charge tone._

"_Jack, I'm okay." Kate replied. "Really my stomach's just been a little crazy lately with everything going on, that all."_

"_You haven't been eating much the last couple of days either." Jack placed his palm on Kate's forehead. For a second she leaned into this cool hand. "You're probably wearing yourself out with worry."_

_Kate let herself be pushed back against the couch closing her eyes. A few seconds later she felt her shoes being removed. When she opened her eyes again she saw Jack kneeling down next to her. She reached out and caressed his cheek. "I'm fine. You don't need to fuss."_

"_Fussing is part of my nature." He joked. "I can't help it."_

"_Well, I'm fine really. I'm just tired and I just wish all of this would just go away." She pulled back her hand and started to sit up. _

"_Kate…"_

"_Stop it!" she spit out before she knew what she was saying. "Just drop it. I'm fine, okay. I'll be better when this is over. I'm just tired of this whole thing hanging over my head. I'm tired of having to relieve my past for all these strangers and I'm…I'm…tired of this stupid ankle bracelet! I might as well be in jail! I can't go anywhere without you and if I do go anywhere I have to call and ask permission!" she said the frustration spilling out along with tears._

_Jack stared at her for a moment before deciding if he should try and reach out to her. When she put her hands over her face and wiped her tears he reached over and took her in his arms. At first he felt her tense up but as he gently pulled her to him and made soothing noises she let go putting her hands down and burying her face in his shoulder for a moment._

"_I'm sorry, Jack. I don't know what's wrong with me." She sniffled. _

"_It's okay, Kate. Don't worry about it. You're entitled to feel all this." He said tenderly. "You don't need to apologize."_

"_I'm just tired. I want it to be over." She laid her head on his shoulder enjoying his warm embrace. "I'm just being a little dramatic."_

_Jack pulled away from her for a second. "You're not being dramatic." Then he smiled. "Okay, maybe you're being a little of a drama queen…."_

_Returning his smile she swatted him on the shoulder, "That's not funny." But did chuckle. "Did I embarrass myself back there?" she asked suddenly. _

"_What'd you mean? At Jenkins office?" _

_She nodded and bit her bottom lip. _

"_No, they understood. You've been through a lot and with what Mark was telling us it's understandable that you might get a little overwhelmed." He soothed. "You've got nothing to be embarrassed about."_

_With that he stood up. "I'll get that cloth for you and I'm going to fix some lunch before I take off for the hospital. You're not hungry by chance, are you?"_

_Holding her stomach she shook her head and scrunched her nose. "Not really."_

_He laughed "Didn't think so. How about I leave you a sandwich for later?" he offered "And in the meantime why don't you take a nap?"_

_She nodded suddenly warming up to the idea of a nap. "I think I'll go lay down on my bed though." She and Jack stood up. _

"_Good idea." He reached up and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. "I'll call and check on you later."_

"_Jack…" she started to say._

"_Just to see what you want for dinner." He added._

Kate looked over at Tom and smiled. "He can be a little over protective." She commented.

"Most men are when they care about a woman." Tom replied.

"So where do we go from here? I mean did this whole legal maneuvering that that guy Jenkins is doing work?"

**Upcoming Chapter – Kate gets an answer to her question and a visit from a friend. **


	13. Chapter 13

**Thank you guys so much for all the reviews so far. They are great and I look forward to reading more. I'm becoming such a review whore. Hahaha...But seriously, it's nice to know that you guys are really liking this story. We're now getting into what Kate's life with Jack would be like now that all of the legal business is over. **

**Chapter 13**

Kate and Tom found themselves back at Mr. Jenkins office. A week had passed since their last meeting.

_Patrick was seated behind his traditional mahogany desk that private practice attorneys seemed to relate to having a successful practice. Jack and Kate sat in front of him. _

"_We got the paperwork from the New Mexico state attorney. They've agreed to drop the bank robbery charges as well as the aggravated assault charge against Jason Richards." Patrick explained cheerfully. _

"_That's great." Jack looked over at Kate and smiled._

"_I'm glad." Kate said softly. "And the other charges?"_

"_I've been having several conversations with the county prosecutor in Des Moines. My private investigator did some checking on Ted Payton since the shooting. After he and your mom divorced he moved around until he met and married a woman who owns a clothing chain store in Kansas City. But it does seem that before he met his current wife while he lived in Colorado his ex-girlfriend filed a report with local police accusing him of touching her 12 year old daughter. But there was no physical evidence and the daughter was refusing to tell police anything happened." Patrick read from the report the private investigator had completed._

"_Son of a bitch". Jack sighed._

"_Oh my god." Kate gasped. "He really is sick."_

"_And it makes him a very unsympathetic victim during trial. I think the county attorney realizes that. They're not looking to take this to trial and end up with another O.J. type of fiasco."_

"_Meaning…" Jack wasn't sure what that last comment meant._

"_If they insist on taking this to trial I explained we'd definitely use the media to our advantage as a defense tool. Young girl shoots her child molesting step father after police and prosecutors don't help and are now prosecuting her. It's a case that they know they could easily lose, juries are emotional creatures, and it would be before a national audience."_

_Kate was mortified at what Patrick Jenkins was proposing. The idea of her past being put out for everyone to hear and read. And have everybody look at her like the survivors had the first few days after learning she was the fugitive._

"_I don't want that." She told the attorney. _

_Patrick shook his head and smiled briefly. "It's all part of the negotiations." _

"_So what does this mean?" Jack questioned with some frustration. He just wanted to know if Kate would remain free or not. "Where do we stand with all of this?"_

"_They're offering a plea agreement." Patrick pulled out a sheet of paper and looked directly at Kate. "They're offering 2 years probation for the shooting of Payton and 1 year probation for the escape charge. I recommend that we accept it."_

_Kate looked over at Jack for his reaction. Could this whole nightmare be coming to an end? "Just like that? She asked softly. "It'd be over just like that?"_

"_Pretty much. You sign this offer, I send it back to Iowa and then we'll have to fly over there and appear before the judge for the plea agreement hearing. It's more of a formality at that point." He explained and placed the document in front of her and handed her a pen._

"_So no jail time?" Kate asked slowly trying to absorb everything. _

"_No jail time, Kate." He replied. "Just regular check ins with your probation officer for the next three years. It's a good deal." _

_Taking a deep breath Kate took the pen and signed the document. No jail time. No being locked up in a small suffocating cell. No more running. No more lying about who she really was. Suddenly she remembered her ankle. "When can I get the ankle bracelet off?"_

_Patrick chuckled. "I anticipated you'd want that off as soon as possible. Can't imagine it would be very comfortable." Kate nodded in agreement. "I filed a motion to amend your conditions of release asking that the ankle be removed once you agree to take the plea agreement. You can get it off today." He announced._

"_Really?" Kate smiled broadly. No more house arrest. "Now?"_

"_As soon as we're done here, you can go over and get it removed."_

"_Thank you, "she reached over and shook Patrick's hand. " Thank you for everything."_

"So, it's over?" Kate turned to Tom. "Just like that?"

"Sometimes the system works." He replied. "Just like Jenkins told you, you two flew to Des Moines, appeared in court, the plea agreement was accepted by the court and you were officially on probation. It was over."

"So now what?" she asked.

"Now the hard part, Katie. What to do with the rest of your life?"

They went back to Jack's house.

_The door bell rang a couple of times before Kate came out of the kitchen to answer it. It was almost 11am and she was expecting Claire for lunch. Opening the door she was greeted by the pretty blonde-haired girl holding Aaron._

"_Claire, you made it." Kate greeted._

"_Kate! It's good to see you." She smiled trying to balance Aaron on one hip and a folded up playpen and diaper bag in another. _

"_Here let me get that for you." Kate reached over and pulled the apparatus and bag from Claire before leading her inside. "We can put the playpen up near the dining table." _

_Claire followed her in looking around the house. Since the rescue this was the first time she had been at Jack's house. Their last get together several weeks ago had been at Hurley's house. "This is a nice house. I love the fireplace." _

"_Yeah, isn't that great? I've been working on the backyard. Jack pretty much neglected it when he first moved in. He tells me he never had time. I just think he doesn't have a green thumb and he refuses to admit it." She said as she pulled apart the hinges on the playpen and propped it up. "Want some iced tea?"_

"_That would be great." Claire answered setting Aaron in the playpen and throwing in several of his toys. "You be a good boy for your mommy and let her and Aunt Kate talk, okay?" she told the toddler. _

_Kate came out with the tea handed Claire a glass and motioned to the couch. "I thought we could sit and catch up before eating, if you've got the time."_

"_I've got all afternoon." She plopped down on the couch. "Charlie's laying down some guitar tracks for somebody and that usually goes all day. He just gets so wrapped up playing."_

"_How's the new album coming?"_

"_Well, he's gotten quite a few offers but he says they're too commercial. They want him to do more pop style music and he doesn't want to do that. And his brother Liam is now talking about maybe going back on the road with Drive Shaft."_

"_Really? Drive Shaft getting back together? That'd be something." Kate took a sip of the tea._

"_Yeah, it would. I just hate the idea of him going on the road. We could go with him, but can you imagine doing a rock tour with a baby along?" Claire laughed. _

"_Yeah, you could put the diapers right next to the cooler of beer in the bus." Kate teased back. "How are you doing?"_

_Claire smiled and quickly told Kate about her recent job working in a daycare center. She actually liked being around the kids and since Aaron was allowed to come along he was able to spend time with other children. _

"_And what about you?" Claire quizzed. "Since all of your legal problems are over and done, what are you looking at doing?"_

_Kate shrugged her shoulders. "I've kind of looked through the wanted ads, I'm just not sure too many people are looking to hire a convicted felon." _

"_I'm sure there are. What do you want to do?" Claire asked. _

"_Honestly?" she said softly._

"_Sure." _

"_I've been thinking about looking into going to school and getting my degree in counseling. I think I'd like to help kids that are going through what I went through." Kate explained. "I'd like to work with sexually abused kids – let them know they have someone that knows what they're going through and that someone cares."_

_Claire let out a small gasp. She really wasn't expecting to hear that from Kate. She and Charlie never really knew the whole story about Kate except the brief story that had been in the paper and she never felt comfortable asking her friend for details. "I think that would be a great idea." She said._

"_I don't know. Just something I've been thinking about."_

"_What does Jack say?" _

_Kate poured herself another glass of tea before answering. She hadn't told Jack yet she had been thinking about school. He hadn't pressured her about getting a job or even trying to decide what she wanted to do. "I haven't told him yet." She admitted._

"_Why not?"_

"_I don't know. We've kind of been off kilter. He's been working extra covering for another doctor and he's been helping putting together a training seminar. That's where's he's at – a training seminar."_

"_You two aren't…ahum…?" Claire wasn't sure how to ask if Jack and Kate were back to being a couple romantically without sounding too much like a busy body._

_Kate shook her head. "I think we're each waiting for the other to make a move. At least that's what I think. I don't know, maybe he's just lost interest."_

"_Oh Kate, that's not it. He's crazy about you. You could see it on his face when we were all still on the island."_

"_Yeah, but we're back in the real world and everything has been such a trial with getting my case worked out. Maybe he's just realizing it's not worth it and doesn't know how to tell me." Kate's voice started to fill with emotion. _

_Claire reached over and placed a hand on top of Kate's. "Has he said anything about wanting out?" Kate shook her head. "Well, see, he's probably just waiting for you to make the first move. Men can be such block heads sometimes."_

_Kate smiled and wiped a small tear from the corner of her eye. "I'm sorry I'm being silly. You're probably right."_

_Claire looked over at her friend and noticed her face was a little fuller than the last time she had seen her. And she looked a little tired. "Kate, are you feeling okay?" she asked._

_Kate nodded her head as she shrugged her shoulders. "I've been a little tired."_

"_Your stomach bothering you?" _

"_Ah huh, all that stress has been wreaking havoc on it." She admitted. _

_Claire smiled. "Are you late?"_

"_Late? Late for what? Kate asked._

_Claire laughed at Kate's response. "Late as in your period?" She had no clue. _

_Kate thought about her question for a minute going over her cycle silently. "Yeah." She finally said slowly._

"_You're pregnant." Claire announced. "I knew there was something different about your face…."_

"_Pregnant? How can I be pregnant?" _

"_There's only one way…" Claire replied. "Well, actually I guess with modern science that's not so true anymore."_

"_No, I mean Jack and I haven't sleep together since the rescue. I can't be pregnant."_

"_Well, we've only been back about 2 months. Did you guys, you know…on the island?"_

_Kate closed her eyes and flashed briefly to the image of she and Jack making love a few days before the rescue boat arrive. "Yeah." She admitted. "Do you really think I could be pregnant?"_

"_Well, there's one way to find out." Claire stood up. "We could get one of those home tests after we eat lunch."_

"_What'd you mean after we eat lunch?" Kate asked surprised. "Can't we go now?"_

"_We could, but I'm starved. And you promised me lunch." Claire laughed. "Plus, it'll give you some time to process the idea. I know it took me a while." She pulled Kate up from the couch and pushed her towards the table. _

_Agreeing Kate went into the kitchen and brought out the sandwiches and salad she made for lunch. Unfortunately, she had lost her appetite so she sat and watch Claire eat listening to her update Kate on some of the other survivors. When she was done the two buckled Aaron into the car seat and drove down to the nearby drugstore. Wanting to be sure Kate bought two test – similar to what Claire had done and they returned to the house. _

_Claire waited outside the bathroom door as Kate performed the test. She came out and joined her friend in the hallway. "Okay, I guess we'll know in ten minutes." Kate smiled weakly._

"I'm pregnant?" An astonished Kate asked Tom.

"You'll have to wait the ten minutes to find out." The young man joked.

"That's not funny Tom" Kate replied. "Am I or not?"

"Actually, before you find that you we need to go check on Jack." He took her hand and before she could protest they went through the wall and found themselves in the ballroom of one the local hotels where the medical seminar Jack was attending was being held.

"What are we doing here?" Kate's mind was still back on the little plastic stick in the bathroom in Jack's house.

"You'll see."

_The afternoon portion of the seminar was just wrapping up and some of the attendees decided to get together at the hotel bar for a final drink before leaving. One of the presenting doctors, a supervising surgeon, convinced Jack to join them. He sat down next to one of the female doctors in the group who was a recent hire. Dr. Diana Cordero was a pretty, self assured, blonde who's specialty was pediatrics. She had spent the downtime during the seminar trying to catch the handsome Dr. Shepard's attention and now she had quietly maneuvered her way into sitting next to him for the happy hour. Conversations ranged from the material that had been presented earlier that day to recent medical journal reports and patient stories. Jack mainly sat back and observed the group. He wasn't up to sharing an island stories with co-workers. After the first couple of rounds some of the people in the group started getting up and making excuses to leave until there was only Jack, his boss Harvey, Diana and two other residents. Jack started to make his own excuse to leave but Diana wouldn't hear it. She asked him to stay just until she finished the drink she had just ordered. Being a gentlemen Jack agreed._

"_So, are you settling in to the hospital routine?" Jack asked her._

"_Pretty much, though I must say I'm much busier here than at the hospital I was previously at in Glendale." _

"_Yeah, we never lack for patients." He joked._

"_So Jack, speaking of settling in…how are you doing?" she asked. "I mean, it must still be a bit weird to be back in the real world?"_

_He shrugged his shoulders. "It's gotten better now that the publicity has died down. I'm pretty much back to a routine. Some things are different, but some are for the better." He explained._

_She nodded her head and took a sip of her Cosmopolitan trying to make the drink last. "I can't imagine some of the things you guys must have gone through. I read some of the news articles. You're a hero Jack."_

_He shook his head having tired of hearing himself being referred to as a 'hero'. "I was just trying to survive. We all were. People did what they had to do."_

_Diana reached out and put her hand on his forearm. "You're not giving yourself enough credit. You kept those people alive. You should be proud." She gushed slightly. He really was a good looking man, she thought to herself._

_Jack chuckled at her comment. He wondered if she would be so insistent if she had been stranded on the island and witnessed it all first hand. "So, where are you originally from?" he asked attempting to change the subject. _

_Diana laughed and smiled. "Okay, I get it no more island talk. I'm from San Francisco originally. How about you?"_

"_Born in Seattle, Washington but we moved to Los Angeles when I was 6 years old." He replied smiling back._

_Diana leaned in a little closer when she saw him smile. Maybe he was finally ready to play her game. "So you're almost a native." _

"_I guess you could say that." He laughed then looked back over to Harvey who was still dispensing his wisdom to the two residents who were looking for someone to throw them a life preserve. "Poor guys, maybe I should go and distract Harvey."_

_Diana quickly grabbed his arm. "Oh no, let them go. I'm sure Dr. Andrews is giving them some good advice. "She said weakly trying to come up with a reason for Jack to stay seated. Meanwhile he glanced down at his watch it was a little after 5:30 – he wasn't looking forward to the commuter traffic home._

"_Don't tell me you have another appointment, doctor." She teased._

"_Actually, I'm not looking forward to hitting the evening traffic." He replied._

_Taking another larger sip of her drink Diana decided to jump in with both feet. "So, how about we kill some time and have some dinner?" she offered looking him in the eyes._

"_Ahum…Actually…"Jack started to explain._

"_What? Let me guess you're involved with someone?" she asked matter of factly._

_Jack nodded. "It's a bit complicated, but yeah."_

"_Well, that's okay. I mean it doesn't have to be anything serious." Diana recovered smoothly. _

"_Excuse me?" Jack replied surprised at her comments._

"_Well, I fell the attraction between us. Nothing wrong with us going and getting room upstairs and getting to know each other better." She propositioned him as she leaned in and gave him a light kiss._

Kate turned to Tom furious. "I so do not like her." She spit out. "What the hell is she trying to do?"

"I think that's pretty obvious, Katie." Tom replied.

"Great, so first I get to see Sawyer cheat on me and now you brought me here to watch Jack do the same thing?" her eyes starting to tear up.

"Is that what you think is going to happened?" he asked. "Do you believe in your gut that Jack would cheat on you?

Kate shook her head. "No." she said softly.

"Okay, then let's go back to the house." Tom took her hand but Kate shook it away.

"Wait, you mean we're not going to see this play out?"

"Why, if you think you already know what he's going to do?" Tom took her hand and pulled her back through the wall before she could protest further.

**Upcoming Chapter – Is Kate really pregnant or is a result of all the stress she's been under both on the island and in the regular world? Did Jack take up Diana on her offer or was Kate's gut feeling right? Oh and do you guys want a little more fluff? **


	14. Chapter 14

**Okay everybody sorry about the delay in getting this chapter completed, but I had a little bit of problem with some parts wanting to get them just right. But I did make it up to you…extra long chapter and some fluff to boot. Enjoy! **

**Chapter 14**

Kate was more than a little upset with Tom jerking her from one place to another.

"Why did we rush away so fast?" Kate demanded to know. "What didn't you want me to see?"

"It's not about seeing something or not. It's more you remembering to trust your gut again. You lost some of that after my death." He replied.

Kate took a deep breath; her mind flashing back to the kiss that woman had planted on Jack. She wanted to go back there and pull her blonde hair out by the roots for coming on to Jack.

"It's time to get an answer to your other question." Tom whispered.

_Kate came out of the bathroom the pregnancy test palmed in her hand covered._

"_So?" Claire asked excitedly._

"_I haven't looked yet." Kate admitted. "I got spooked."_

_Clair put a hand on Kate's shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "It'll be okay. Come on turn it over."_

_Nodding, Kate turned her palm up and opened it. She stared at the results for a few seconds her face not giving anything away. "Two lines." She finally said quietly. "It's positive."_

_Claire let out a little squeal and jumped up and down. "I knew it, Kate. I was right. You're pregnant."_

"_I'm pregnant." The other young woman replied. The words were still sinking in when Claire reached over and hugged her._

"_You're gonna have a baby." She said happily. "Congratulations."_

_Kate's eyes started to water up. She was pregnant. She was going to be a mother. Damn! She thought to herself. She wasn't sure she was ready to be a mom. And what about Jack? Was he ready to become a father? Would he even want to be one?_

"_Kate?" Claire gently shook her out of her thoughts. "Kate?"_

"_Yeah?" _

"_Are you okay with this? I mean, this is good news, right?" _

"_I'm still processing." Kate said. "It all feels weird."_

"_Yeah, I know what you mean. I freaked out when I first found out."_

"_You did?"_

"_Are you kidding?" she exclaimed. "I was babbling about not being married, about my mom finding out, about my $5 an hour job. It's okay to feel like that."_

_Kate nodded but didn't say anything as she looked at the test again._

"_You know what might help?" Claire suggested. "Having a doctor confirm it."_

"_But aren't these tests usually pretty accurate?"_

"_Yeah, pretty much. But you need to know how far along you are and make sure everything's okay with the baby."_

_Kate looked over at Claire surprised. "You don't think something could be wrong, do you?" she asked concerned._

_Claire shook her head and clasped the nervous woman's hand. The last thing she wanted to do was freak Kate out more. "Oh Kate, I didn't mean it like that. I just meant you should see an OB-GYN to confirm it." She said reassuringly. "You'll need to see one eventually."_

_Kate sighed. She had no idea which doctor to go see. They had been checked out when they were first rescued but she hadn't had a need to see a doctor since and she didn't want to ask Jack to recommend one – not yet. "I don't even know who to see." She confessed._

"_Well, my doctor is a family practicioner in a medical center, let me call her and see." Claire offered grabbing her cell phone._

_Within minutes Claire had Kate scheduled for an appointment that very afternoon and before Kate realized it the two and Aaron were in Claire's car on their way over to the medical center. A short time later Kate found herself sitting in a paper gown on the exam table having just been examined by Dr. Burgess. The older lady was quietly making notations on Kate's chart before she looked up and smiled warmly._

"_Well, you're definitely pregnant." She announced._

_Kate felt herself sucking in a deep breath. No doubt about it now – she was going to have a baby! "How far along?" she asked._

"_Best I can tell you are almost 10 weeks along." Dr. Burgess replied._

"_10 weeks?" Kate said surprised. "Why didn't I suspect earlier?"_

"_In some women there's not going to be any of the traditional symptoms – except of course for skipping a menstrual cycle - right away or it's one or two that can be explained away by something else. And I suspect you were told the same thing Claire was when you were examined after the rescue about going through a readjustment period. Things like your digestive system reacting to the change in diet, sleep patterns being off, your menstrual cycle possibly being thrown off schedule._

_Kate nodded at what the doctor was saying. "I was also going through some real stressful stuff when we first got back. I really thought it was that."_

"_Understandable." Dr. Burgess replied. "But everything looks good so far. The only thing I'm a little concerned about is your blood pressure, it's a little low but we'll monitor that. Don't worry about it right now. I'd also like to see you gain a little more weight." She rattled off as she wrote more in the chart. "How's your appetite?"_

"_Okay. It's just trying to keep everything down that's the problem sometimes."_

_Dr. Burgess chuckled. "Morning sickness, huh?"_

_Kate nodded and wrinkled her nose. "Morning and afternoon."_

"_Well, saltines should help with that. Increase the protein and dairy. Definitely drink more milk."_

"_Okay." Kate was starting to feel overwhelmed. Her head was spinning – 10 weeks, more protein, more milk…_

_The doctor scribbled out a prescription. "I'm writing a prescription for pre-natal vitamins. Also stop by the lab, I'm ordering a blood test to check your iron levels." She instructed._

"_Sure." Kate nodded taking the slip of paper. "Ahum…anything else?"_

_Dr. Burgess looked up at the nervous young woman. She was use to seeing the look currently on Kate's face on many of her new mothers to be. She reached over and patted Kate's hand. "Just enjoy the pregnancy. A baby is a blessing."_

_After dressing Kate went to the lab for the blood draw while Claire waited for the prescription to be filled. A short time later they were on their way back home. In the vehicle Claire noticed Kate was rather quiet. "How are you holding up?" she asked._

_Kate shrugged her shoulders. "Feeling a little overwhelmed."_

'_That's expected."_

"_I still can't really believe I'm pregnant."_

"_But you want this baby, right?" Claire asked cautiously. She had just assumed that Kate would want to keep the baby._

"So, it looks like you're gonna be a mom" Tom commented.

Kate nodded but didn't answer. Claire's questioned about wanting the baby weighted on her mind. Sure as a young girl there were dreams of getting married and having a family. Tom always teased her saying they would have 10 kids or more. But when she went on the run she pushed those ideas out of her mind. She couldn't imagine having a baby along while she dodged the authorities. But here she was free and clear, no longer having to run and pregnant – pregnant with Jack's baby. The more she thought about it the more she was starting to like the idea. She closed her eyes and visualized a little boy with dark hair running around after his father or a little girl, maybe with freckles on her nose, having Jack wrapped around her little finger. She smiled at the scene.

"So maybe having a baby isn't such a foreign idea?" Tom's voice broke into her thoughts.

"Do we…ahum…how does Jack take the news? I mean is he happy?" she asked softly.

Taking her hand he led her back into the livingroom. "Let's see."

_Kate had asked Claire to stop at the store to pick up a few items that she needed – her mind formulating a way to tell Jack about the baby. Though she was very nervous thinking about what his reaction might be, a part of her, a part she didn't know existed until now, was starting to get excited about the baby. So, after Claire left, with the promise to not tell Charlie the news yet, Kate started her preparations. _

_She put together a large grilled chicken salad and put it in the refrigerator. She pulled out the chocolate cake, Jack's favorite; she had picked up from the store and placed it on the counter. On impulse she had brought a bottle of sparkling apple cider hoping Jack would be happy with the news and they could share a toast. Glancing at the clock she figured he'd be home soon. Jumping into the shower she changed into her favorite dark green shirt noting her pants were starting to get difficult to fasten. Leaving her hair in a loose curly ponytail she went into the living room and placed several lit candles around the room then lit a fire in the fireplace casting a warm glow in the room. As a finishing touch she turned on the stereo and tuned it to a jazz station she had recently started listening to._

_Now as she sat on the couch she started to feel herself getting nervous again. What if Jack didn't want a child or worse, what if he didn't want one with her? Since the kiss they shared during the pillow fight he hadn't made any more attempts to start up their relationship again. But there were times that Kate caught him in a look similar to those he use to give her on the island that made her think he still wanted to be with her. As she watched the flames flicker the warmth from the fire started to make her sleepy. Yawning she stretched out on the couch. 'I'll just close my eyes for a few minutes until Jack gets home' she thought to herself. Five minutes later she was fast asleep._

_When Jack entered the house he heard soft music playing and saw the soft lights in the living room. "Kate?" he called out as he took off his coat and tie. "Hey, where are you?" he was greeted with silence._

_Glancing into the kitchen and finding it empty he went back into the living room and spotted her asleep on the couch. Smiling he walked over and sat on the arm rest near her head and looked down admiring at how peaceful she looked. As he reached out to pull back a curl his mind flashed back to the incident at the bar with Diana. _

**"_Nothing wrong with us going and getting room upstairs and getting to know each other better." She propositioned him as she leaned in and gave him a light kiss. _**

_**He pulled back with a surprised look. "Diana…I…I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression."**_

**"_I know you said you were involved, but she doesn't need to know." Diana reached down and placed her hand on Jack's thigh. "It could be our little secret." She smiled seductively._**

_**Jack shook his head and gently removed her hand. "I'm flattered Diana, but I don't think so. I can't do that to Kate." He explained. "It took me a long time to find her…I had to get into a plane crash…the last thing I want to do is ruin the relationship."**_

_**Diana smiled weakly as she took a sip of her drink. "I hope she realizes what a lucky woman she is."**_

_Back in his living room Jack took a deep breath as he admired how beautiful and relaxed Kate looked as she slept. "Actually Diana," he whispered "I'm the lucky one." He caressed Kate's cheek with the back of his hand. The contact caused Kate to wake up. Opening her eyes she looked up at Jack and smiled. _

"_Hey", he greeted._

"_You're home." She said groggily as she started to sit up._

"_Ah huh. I had a drink with everybody after the last presentation and then got caught in the traffic. There was an accident on the 141." He pointed to the candles. "So Kate, what's all this?"_

_Kate blushed slightly not sure how to start the conversation. "I…ahum….I wanted to talk to you." She said softly._

"_I wanted to talk to you too." He admitted. _

_Nodding Kate scooted down the couch and patted the empty spot next to her. "Okay, you first." She said glad to have a little more time for her news._

"_You sure?" Jack sat down. "Looks like you went to a lot of trouble here."_

_She nodded again and bit her bottom lip. "Yeah, go ahead."_

_Jack took a deep breath. "Well, I've been thinking…I mean now that everything is settled with your case and…ahum…well…" he reached over and took her hand in his. "Kate, I want us to start up again. Start up where we left off on the island." He looked into her green eyes noticing how they sparkled with the firelight._

_This wasn't quite what she was expecting him to say at this moment and her heart skipped a beat. "You do?" she asked trying to make sure she heard him correctly._

_He nodded and brought her hand up to his lips and kissed it softly. "Yeah, I miss us Kate. I want to start over. Do you?"_

_Kate could fear tears starting to form. Smiling she nodded and replied softly, "Yeah, I do."_

_Jack's mouth broke out into a wide grin and he pulled her to him and touched his lips gently to hers. Kate returned the kiss forgetting about what she wanted to tell him for a moment as he started to pushed her back against the couch. Her arms wrapped around his neck and she lost herself in the flood of emotions his kiss was bringing out. The kiss deepened until they both felt they needed to take a breath and pulled apart. Jack smoothed out her hair and planted a kiss on her neck under her ear. "What did you want to talk about?" he mumbled._

_The baby! Kate remembered and gently pushed Jack up away from her. "Oh yeah, I have something for you. " she said flushed as she reached under the coffee table and pulled out a small long jewelry box with a bow wrapped around it. Handing it to Jack she smiled nervously. "Open it."_

_Jack took the box and looked at it perplexed. "You bought me a watch?" he commented guessing from the look of the box._

"_No, it's something better than a watch." She replied mysteriously. "Open it."_

_Jack laughed as he pulled off the ribbon and opened the lid. Kate watched his face as he looked inside and saw the contents. "You got me a piece of plastic."_

"_Turn it over." She explained waiting for his reaction. She watched as he turned it over and saw that it was a pregnancy test._

"_It's a pregnancy test." He said still not quite understanding the revelation. _

"_A positive pregnancy test." She corrected very quietly._

_Suddenly Jack's face changed as he started to understand what he had in his hands. He looked over at Kate. "This is yours?" he gasped. She nodded. "You're pregnant?"_

"_Yeah, looks like it." Kate revealed. "Almost 10 weeks."_

_Jack looked back at the box and then at Kate again. "10 weeks?"_

"_That last week on the island." She added still not sure if he was happy or not. _

_Jack brought a hand up to his chin and rubbed his light beard. "A baby." He said in a low voice. _

"_Jack…" Kate said nervously. "Are you okay with this?"_

_He looked over at Kate and saw for the first time a look of nervousness and fear in her face. She was petrified that he might not want this. Reaching over he put his hand on her stomach and smiled warmly. "A baby." He said. "We're going to have a baby."_

_Kate put her hand on top of his pressing it into her stomach that was only slightly protruding. "Yeah, we're going to have a baby." She repeated returning his smile. "You're going to be a dad." _

_Jack pulled her into his warm embrace and hugged her tightly. "Kate, this is incredible! After everything we're going to have a baby." He gave her another deep kiss._

"_So, you're happy?" she laughed as they broke the kiss._

"_Very." He joined in her laughter as he leaned back on the couch and pulled her into his embrace laying her head on his chest. Leaving one hand on her stomach gently caressing it he wrapped the other one around her shoulders and kissed the top of her head. They stayed there the rest of the night wrapped up in each other's embrace happy they had found their way back to each other and were now going to be a family._

**Upcoming Chapter - Kate witnesses a gesture that shows her what kind of man Jack is. **


	15. Chapter 15

**Okay everybody here's the update. Sorry for the delay work has been a little busy and while I was handwriting this it took a while to sit down and type it out. Hope you guys like it fluff and all. As always reviews are greatly appreciated! **

**Chapter 15**

"So," Tom turned to Kate who had tears in her eyes watching everything play out. "Looks like you guys are going to be parents."

Kate nodded her head. She was still feeling a little overwhelmed even if it was a dream. Not only were she and Jack expecting a baby but they were both very happy about it. She hadn't expected to find herself happy. It was almost like she was expecting something to happen at the last minute to change it. Something to remind Kate that she didn't deserve a happy life.

"Your gut was right, Katie. "Tom broke into her thoughts. "Jack didn't cheat on you."

"I didn't really think he would, but you had me worried especially when you wouldn't let me stay and watch it all play out." She replied.

"Only because you needed to see that you can still trust your gut. Like I said before you've lost a little of that lately. You've been making some of your decisions on emotion reacting to something that just happened or something someone did to you…" he explained.

"You're talking about being with Sawyer?" she asked.

"Only you really know the answer to why you're with Sawyer right now. And why you can't let go of Jack at the same time."

Kate swallowed hard, but didn't answer. She just wished Tom would tell her outright what she should do, who she should be with.

"I can't do that." Tom answered her silent request.

"Why not?" Kate spit out, tired of his cryptic games.

"Because, Katie, it's your decision. One you have to make. But I can tell you, you already know the answer, you're just…I don't know…trying to validate it."

"Well, from the looks of things so far I'd be miserable with Sawyer."

"You were miserable with the decisions and choices you made with Sawyer." Tom pointed out.

Kate decided to change the subject. "So, I'm really going to have a baby? I mean in this…" she wasn't sure what to really call it.

"Yeah." Tom laughed. "And not only that, but you're in a major nesting stage. Getting the nursery ready, making Jack baby proof the house. And you've been reading up on everything from playing music for the baby in the womb to breast feeding to making your own baby food."

Kate joined in his laughter. "Oh my god, I must be driving Jack nuts."

"But in a good way. He's even handled your mood swings and 1am cravings pretty well."

"What mood swings?"

"You cry during comedy movies." Tom teased. "And the Lifetime Channel, well Jack had to lock that channel out after he came home and found you in a puddle of tears one afternoon."

"Ha ha, very funny." Kate replied. "So, Jack's really happy about the baby? She asked full of curiosity.

"You'll see how much."

_The doorbell rang and a 7 ½ month pregnant Kate answered it carrying a bowl of peanut M&Ms. On the other side she found Sun standing there smiling._

"_Hey" Kate greeted warmly popping a couple of M&Ms before reaching out to hug her friend._

"_Oh Kate, you're getting so big." Sun greeted happy to see her friend._

"_Never say big to a pregnant woman." Kate replied. "But yeah, I'm getting there." She led Sun into the living room._

"_But you look beautiful." Sun commented as they sat down. "You're glowing. Pregnancy agrees with you." _

"_Yeah, except that I'm getting to the point where I can't tie my shoes anymore. I have to wear slip ons and sandals. "she joked as she poured a couple of glasses of iced tea._

"_And the cravings." Sun asked noticing the candy bowl._

"_She's been a freak for chocolate." Kate replied._

"_She?" Sun exclaimed. "So, you found out what it is?" _

_Kate nodded and she caressed her stomach. "We had the sonogram last week and it's a girl." She revealed. _

"_That's wonderful. I'm sure Jack's excited."_

"_Yeah. I think he was kind of hoping for a boy at first, but he's pretty excited about having a little girl. He and his friend Mark painted the nursery over the weekend." She explained. "And Jack put the crib together last night."_

"_Sounds like you've been keeping him pretty busy." Sun laughed._

"_His fault. He won't let me do much of anything." Kate chuckled. "But hey, would you like to see the nursery? It's about done."_

_Sun smiled at her friend's enthusiasm. Kate was definitely embracing motherhood with both hands, something that Sun wasn't sure Island Kate would have done. "I'd love to see it."_

_Standing up she helped pull Kate up and followed her down the hall to the nursery which was the same room Kate had originally stayed in when she first moved in._

"_We picked a teddy bear theme." Kate told her as they walked in. The walls had been painted a light shade of pink with a flower wallpaper border along the top. The crib was a light oak wood finish with a matching changing table and chest of drawers. The bedding teddy bears along with a matching mobile above the crib. In the corner was a wicker rocker glider and several stuff animals around the room. _

"_Oh Kate, this is beautiful." Sun remarked. "You've done a great job."_

"_Thanks. Most of it has been Jack. I just got to pick out the furniture." She confessed. "He wouldn't even let me pick up a paintbrush. But that's okay, it's been funny to watch him fussing about. He keeps telling me fussing is part of his nature." Kate laughed._

"_So, have you thought of any names?" Sun picked up one of the stuffed bunnies and caressed it._

"_We're still working on that. I want something not too common and Jack wants something easy and 'girly'". _

"_And the wedding?" Sun asked tentavily._

_Kate broke out in a smile and held out her left hand showing off the solitaire diamond engagement ring Jack had given her. Sun let out a squeal and hugged Kate. "Congratulations! You finally said yes!"_

"_Ah-huh, but I told him it would have to be after the baby is born. I don't want to waddle down the isle." She joked._

_Sun laughed and nodded. "It doesn't matter you would be a beautiful bride, Kate. I'm so happy for the two of you." She said._

_Kate led her friend back into the living room. "So how was Korea? Your family doing okay?"_

_Sun had been away the last 6 weeks visiting her father who had been diagnosed with prostrate cancer and was in the middle of treatment. Jin had stayed behind knowing how her father felt about him. In fact she and Jin were still separated working on repairing their marriage while she lived with her cousin._

"_They're okay. My father is in the middle of radiation treatments. It was hard to leave my mother but at least my sister is there with her."_

"_So, you definitely decided to stay in L.A.?" Kate poured more tea for the two of them._

"_I think so. Jin's working in one of Hurley's companies and he seems to really be doing well. I don't think he would be happy in Korea and I don't think I would either." She explained._

"_But things are going well with you and Jin?" Kate quizzed._

"_Not as well as you and Jack." She teased. "But we're working on it."_

"_Maybe next time this year you two will be expecting a baby." Kate teased._

_Sun's face clouded briefly before she smiled. More than anything she had wanted a baby when she and Jin were first married but things never seemed settled enough to start a family. As happy as she was for her friend Sun felt a touch of envy too. Kate was happily expecting a child with the man she loved, a man that obviously loved her._

"_What's wrong?" Kate asked sensing a changed in Sun's demeanor._

_Sun looked over at Kate who, despite the concern on her face, was glowing. Her hand lightly caressing her protruding stomach._

"_You're very lucky." Sun blurted out. "I hope you know that."_

"_I do."_

"_Jack is a good man and he loves you very much." She continued, her tone sounding like a parent scolding a child._

"_I know." Kate said softly. "I know I'm very lucky."_

_Suddenly Sun felt bad for how she had spoke. "Oh Kate, I'm sorry. I did not mean to speak to you like that. I must still be a little tired from the trip."_

_Kate nodded and turned to face Sun better. "How are things with Jin?" she asked._

"_Okay." The young woman replied. "We are working on things but nothing has really changed since before I left. He was not very happy about my leaving for so long. I think he was afraid that I would not come back."_

"_But you did." Kate pointed out. "He must be happy about that."_

_Before Sun could answer the front doorbell rang. Kate got up and made her way to the door. She wasn't expecting anyone else. Opening the door she found a delivery man standing there. "Miss Kate Austin?" he asked._

"_Yes." She replied somewhat suspiciously._

"_I have a delivery for you, if you can sign here please." He handed her a clipboard._

"_A delivery? I wasn't expecting anything." Kate replied. "What is it?"_

"_Don't know. We're just hired to deliver the packages. We're not told what's in them." He took back the clipboard. "It's pretty heavy so I'll bring it in."_

_Kate walked back to Sun with a perplexed look on her face._

"_Was is it, Kate?"_

"_A delivery, but I didn't order anything and Jack didn't say he was expecting anything." She explained._

"_Maybe he forgot." Sun offered._

"_Ma'am, where do you want it?" the delivery man came in pushing a hand truck with a wooden crate on top._

_Kate pointed to a spot near the couch. She and Sun followed._

"_If you'd like ma'am I brought my hammer with me, I can open the crate for you." He offered._

"_That would be great." Kate exclaimed excited to see what was in the crate._

_A minute later the lid was popped open and Kate was digging through the packing material. "I wonder what it is." She chirped then suddenly pulled her hand back in surprise. "Oh my God." She whispered. _

"_What? What is it?" Sun asked stepping closer. _

"_It's a cradle." Kate replied reaching in to try and pull it out._

"_Kate, no!" Sun pushed her aside. "Let me get it out." She reached in and pulled out an antique wooden cradle. She placed it gently on the floor. "It's beautiful" she remarked._

_Kate nodded as she felt tears starting to welt up. It was beautiful. The wood was a light oak finish, the head and foot panels had a hand carved floral scroll design finished in a soft pink paint. Inside on top of the small mattress was an envelope with "KATE" written on it. She recognized Jack's writing and opened it._

_**Kate – I wanted to get you something special to show you how much you and the baby mean to me and how much I love you both. You had mentioned once that you liked the idea of having a cradle so I hope you like the one I picked out. Know that I couldn't ask for much more than what you have already brought into my life and what you're about to bring in. Thank you for making my life complete, loving me and letting me love you. Love, Jack.**_

"_I can't believe Jack went out and got this cradle." Kate whispered as she wiped a tear. "He remembered me mentioning something like that."_

"_He loves you." Sun commented putting her hand on Kate's arm. "Never lose sight of that." _

_Kate nodded ash she clutched the note to her chest and ran her hand along the top of the cradle. If it was possible to feel anymore deeply for this man she didn't know how. Every since she had met him he managed to do even the smallest gestures to make her feel special. Something as simple as gathering and giving her guava seeds after he learned about the garden she and Sun were working on or helping out Sawyer because she had asked. Not to mention everything he did for her since they were rescued._

"_Whoever thought things would work out like this, huh?" Kate remarked softly. "Oof" she gasped._

"_You okay?" Sun asked a bit alarmed. "What's wrong?"_

"_Nothing, I'm fine. She just kicked me in the ribs and landed a pretty good one." Kate patted her stomach. "How about lunch?"_

_A few hours later Jack entered his house only to be surprised by Kate at the door greeting him with a long kiss. Wrapping his arms around his amorous fiancée he deepened the kiss pulling her closer._

"_You know, "he said when he broke off the kiss. " A guy could get use to this kind of greeting."_

_Kate blushed. "Oh yeah?"_

_Keeping her in his embrace he nuzzled her neck. "Ah-huh." _

_Kate titled her head to the side to give him better access. She loved it when he nuzzled her neck. His stubble tickling and sending little shivers through her._

"_Jack." She called out his name._

"_Humm?" he mumbled._

"_I wanted to thank you." She said planting a light kiss under his ear._

"_For…?"_

_Kate pulled back a bit smiling broadly. "For the cradle." She whispered._

_Jack perked up at the mention of the gift. "It came?"_

"_Ah-huh." Pulling out of his embrace she took his hand and led him to the living room. "It's beautiful." _

"_So, you liked it then?" he asked gazing at her face._

"_**We **love it." She replied emphasizing the 'we'. "Thank you." She planted a light kiss on his lips._

_Smiling he returned the kiss. "You're welcome." Bending down he placed a kiss on her stomach. "Both of you." He said to her stomach._

_Kate giggled. "I can't believe you actually remembered what I said back then." She commented. "About wanting a cradle."_

"_Baby, I remember everything you tell me." He said confidentially._

"_Except to take out the garbage." She teased._

"_Oh come on, it was just that one time." He defended himself._

"_So, when did you get this anyway?" she asked changing the subject._

"_Well, remember last month when I told you Mark and I were going golfing?"_

"_Which time?" she joked jabbing his ribcage affectionately._

"_Ha ha. Well, ONE of those times we actually went out and looked at some antique shops. I saw this one and just thought it was perfect. I even got the pink on it the flowers right." _

"_And if it had been a boy?"_

"_I would have re-painted it for you, of course." He declared._

"_Well, it's perfect and I love it so much. Thank you." She said wrapping her arms around her again._

_Jack pulled back to look at her face. "I just wanted to show you how much you mean to me." He placed his hand lovingly on her stomach. "You're giving me this incredible gift, a chance at a family. You came into my life and filled a void I didn't even know was there until I met you." _

_Kate felt tears welt up. "Jack, I should be thanking you." She put a hand on his cheek. "You believed in me and you made me face my past and put it behind me. You made me want to stop running."_

Kate turned and looked at Tom not sure what to say. She still was finding it strange to see herself happy and living a normal life – a life where she had 'dug in'.

"Want to see a little more?" Tom asked. Silently she nodded.

_A pregnant Kate was in the kitchen finishing mixing a mug of hot chocolate. Dropping several marshmallows on top she picked up the mug in one hand and a bag of dill chips in the other. "You have the weirdest craving combinations." She told her stomach before walking out towards the living room. That's when she saw her 3 year old daughter, Abby, come padding into the room dressed in her footed pajamas and carrying a book. Her shoulder length dark hair in pigtails. She walked up to Jack who was in the recliner reading. _

"_Daddy." She tapped him on his arm. "Daddy."_

_Jack turned and looked at her. "Hey Angel, what are you up? You're suppose to be asleep." He told her._

"_Read me a story." She asked holding the book out to him._

_Jack looked at Abby's little face that reminded him so much of Kate with her green eyes and a spray of freckles across her nose and sighed. He always found it hard to say no._

"_Pwease daddy." She said sweetly._

_Putting down his magazine Jack took the book from here. "Okay, come here."_

_Abby grinned and quickly climbed onto Jack's lap and snuggled under his shoulder. Not wanting to disturb them Kate quietly sat at the breakfast bar and watched as Jack read the story to their daughter. Abby listened intently. She was definitely "daddy's little girl', constantly following Jack around the house, getting him to play games with her, read to her and she loved to sit and listen to him play the piano. There were nights when that was the only way to get her to fall asleep. Kate smiled, he definitely was a natural at being a father._

_Halfway through the story Jack looked down and discovered Abby had fallen asleep. Picking her up in his arms he carried her to her bed and silently tucked her in. Placing a kiss on her forehead he turned on the night light and left. Returning to the living room he found his wife on the couch waiting for him._

"_She asleep?" Kate asked as she joined her._

"_Yeah, she's out." He replied. "How are you feeling?" he asked taking her in his arms._

"_Tired, your son has been kicking up a storm tonight."_

"_Oh yeah?" Jack laughed as he caressed her stomach. "Getting restless, huh?"_

_Kate signed as she leaned her head on his shoulder. "Restless is a good word. I think we may have our work cut out for us on this one."_

"_Hey, "he said softly into ear. "I love you."_

_Kate snuggled deeper in his embrace. "I love you too Jack."_

**Coming up – Kate says goodbye and wakes up. **


	16. Chapter 16

**_A/N: Thanks everybody for the reviews – as always they are appreciated! I'm glad you guys enjoyed the fluff in that last chapter. And yes, October Sky, we are coming near to the end. I'm thinking about adding a bonus chapter – something that kind of popped up during the later part of this story and I thought I'd add it in the end…if you guys want._**

**_I've also got another story in mind to start when I'm done with this one. Another non-island related story in which all of the main players (at least most of them) meet and become involved with each other as the result of something other than a plane wreck. But for now here's the next chapter._**

**Chapter 16**

"Kate, it's time to go back." Tom's voice broke into her thoughts as he tapped her on the shoulder.

"What?" she asked distracted by what they had been watching.

"It's time for you to go back to the island." He explained.

Kate looked around and realized that they were back in the room where it had all started. "But…" she started to protest. "I'm not ready."

"Sure you are." He led her to the couch. "You've seen everything you're suppose to. Now you need to go back and decide what you want."

"Let me ask you something. All this that happened, the good stuff, is it because of my decision to stop running?" she asked almost as if she was trying to dig for more information.

"In part," Tom replied. "You found a reason to stop running and start living."

"And the misery with Sawyer was because I was still running?" she continued to probed. "Because I wanted to stop and live a normal life?"

Tom smiled and took her hand in his. "Katie, you've never been happy running, you know that. You've run because you felt it was the only thing you could do. There are a lot of things that you want, deep down inside, but for some reason you don't think that you're worthy."

Kate looked at her friend as tears started to form. It dawned on her that this was the end for them. Tom would be leaving her…again.

"I know that you are worth having good things in your life and you do deserve a chance to start over. But you're the only one that can give yourself that chance in the end. You have to decide to take it." He told her.

Impulsively Kate reached up and hugged him. "Tom, can I just stay here with you? I'd be happy here."

"No," Tom chuckled. "It's not your time. Besides, I'm not the one you want or need."

"Yes, you are." Kate insisted. "You've always been the one."

Tom shook his head and looked at her with a serious look on his face. "We were kids, Katie. It's a different kind of love you're suppose to have now." He told her gently. "You just need to not be afraid of it."

"You're the only one that's ever been there for me. The only one I ever loved. " she argued trying to keep her tears back.

"That's because I was safe." He replied. "You knew that I would always be there for you one way or another. No matter what I didn't turn my back on you." He wiped a tear from her face. "I'm the only one you felt safe to let yourself love."

"But…"

"No," he interrupted. "You need to let me go, Katie. Open yourself up to someone else. I know you're petrified that you might get hurt or that you might hurt somebody but if you ever want to have a life like what you just saw you need to take a chance."

"And if I don't want that life?" she challenged.

"Katie, this is your dream. It's like that Disney song from Cinderella…A dream is a wish your heart makes, this dream is your wish."

Kate didn't say anything at first absorbing everything he was telling her…that she wanted a family, she wanted to put down roots. Humpf, she couldn't even move to the caves how could she think about having a family.

"Katie, it's time for me to go." Tom's soft voice broke into her thoughts.

"Not again!" she cried. "It was too hard the first time; I can't let you go again."

Tom pulled her into his arms for one last embrace. Rubbing her back to soothe her he whispered in her ear. "It's not your choice, Katie. I have to go. And you'll be okay."

"N-n-no, I won't." she sobbed. "This isn't fair. This is too much."

"Yes, you will be okay." He said more firmly. "You're one of the strongest people I ever knew. Look at everything you've gone through and you've made it this far." He pointed out.

"I'm stranded on some island in the middle of nowhere, how is that being okay?" she replied as she slowly regained her composure.

"Well, for one you survived." He joked. "And for another you found some people to care about and people that care about you."

"And when they find out what I've done?"

"It won't matter in the end. They'll realize what some of us already know – you're more than just your past." Tom placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. Scooting down the couch a bit he placed Kate's head on his lap. "I'll always love you Katie." He said softly.

"Me too, and I'll miss you always." She whispered back before closing her eyes.

When Kate woke up it was dark and it took her a moment to realize she was back in her tent on the beach. Trying to sit up she found her muscles ached and she felt weak. Looking to the side she saw a figure that appeared to be sleeping. As her eyes adjusted to the moonlight she realized it was Jack.

"Jack" she called softly, her voice hoarse.

He opened his eyes almost immediately and looked over at his patient. "Kate, you're awake." He said excitedly and he went down onto his knees next to her placing his hand on her forehead.

She nodded licking her lips her throat feeling dry and scratchy.

"How are you feeling?" he asked smiling at her happy to see her conscious once again.

"Thirsty" she croaked out.

Reaching behind her he pulled out a bottle of water. "Here," he said taking her arm. "Let me help you sit up so you can drink. Just take a few sips at a time" Pulling her up gently he leaned her against his shoulder and gave her a few sips of water. "Better?" he asked looking down at her smiling when she nodded.

"You really had me scared there for awhile, Kate." He said softly giving her a couple of more sips of the bottle.

"What happened?" she asked as he helped her lay back down.

"You were bit by something, I think it was a spider." He took her wrist wrapping his fingers around it to check her pulse. "You collapsed on the beach and then became unconscious. You had a pretty high fever and I couldn't get you to wake up."

"How long was I out?" she asked looking up at him. His face showed her the concern he had had for her and the hours he must have spent taking care of her.

"About three days." He revealed.

"Three days?" she couldn't believe that much time had passed. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah, I'm serious." He said plainly.

As she continued to look at Jack she noticed the tiredness wearing on his face. She had been out for three days and he probably hadn't sleep much if at all during that time. She felt a pang of guilt thinking about having been a burden.

"You don't look like you've slept much Jack." She scolded.

"I'm not the patient." He tried to joke. "Besides, I'm fine."

"You look tired." She reached up to touch his cheek and locked eyes with him. Holding their gaze Kate saw an affection in his eyes that she hadn't seen before…at least not in any great amount. She remembered seeing a flash of something close when he had told her he help Sawyer with his headaches for her. Now she was seeing something stronger in his gaze, something that he had been hiding from her previously or maybe it was that she had been too scared to really see it.

"I'm fine." He repeated. "You're the one we should be focusing on." He gently placed his fingers on her throat and felt her glands looking for any signs of swelling. "How do you really feel? Any soreness?"

"My muscles feel a little achy and my head is pounding. Other than that I feel great." She joked. "Really Jack, you don't have to fuss."

"I can't help it fussing…" Jack started.

"…is part of my nature." Kate finished the sentence with him laughing.

Jack looked at her for a moment then broke into a smile. He was more than relived that Kate was feeling strong enough to try and joke. He thought about how close he had come to losing her during the peak of her fever. The idea that he would never see her bright hazel eyes or her curls blowing in the wind nearly drove him crazy. He knew that she was with Sawyer but at least alive he got a small part of Kate in his life and a small part was better than none. Standing up he pulled a bottle of aspirin out of his medical pack and handed her a couple along with the water bottle. "Take these and try and get some more sleep." He instructed.

"Jack, I've been sleeping for three days." She protested.

"And you'll sleep for a few more hours." Dr. Shepard retorted with a laugh. "It's the middle of the night if you haven't noticed and you head will feel better in the morning."

"I'll sleep if you do." She challenged locking eyes with him again. "Don't make me drug you again."

Jack returned the gaze and gave a small chuckle at her last comment. "Okay, you win." Kate smiled broadly as he went and laid down on the makeshift bed in the corner. Within a few minutes both of them had drifted off acutely aware that the other was nearby and somehow taking comfort in that.

The next morning everyone was delighted to see Kate walk out of her tent. Though she was still weak and achy Jack determined that she was on her way to a full recovery. Jack had tried to get Kate to stay at the caves for a few days until she got stronger, but Kate reluctantly declined. Sun offered to keep an eye on her on the beach at night while Jack continued to check on her during the day.

Sawyer had been by that first morning to see her and somewhat jokingly offered her a space in his tent. Kate joked around with him but in the end didn't take the offer very seriously. She was glad that Sawyer had apparently forgotten their argument though it continued to play in her mind sporadically. She also thought about what both Boone and Tom had told her about the decision already been made and she needed to figure out what she needed to be happy. She decided to keep both men at arm's length as best she could until she could get her strength back and her thoughts clear.

"You look deep in thought." Sun commented as she joined Kate on the beach a couple of days later. She had seen the young woman sitting along a more secluded part of the beach staring out at the horizon.

Kate looked over at her and smiled. "Just thinking about some stuff."

"Good stuff?" Sun guessed.

Kate shrugged her shoulders. "Do you ever wonder what your life would have been like if you made some different decisions?"

"Sometimes I wonder where I would be if I hadn't married Jin." Sun confessed.

"Better or worse?" Kate asked.

The Korean woman shook her head. "It would be hard to say, but I don't think it really matters. It's not a decision that can be changed."

"What if there was a decision you could change? Would you do it?" the young woman asked pulling a stray curl away from her cheek.

"I think if you're second guessing a decision you made then you really didn't make a decision – you made a choice. And you can always change a choice." Sun commented. When Kate didn't reply Sun put her hand on Kate's shoulder. "Are you okay?"

Kate looked over at her friend and decided to tell her what she had been thinking about. Maybe it would help to hear it out loud. "When I was sick…when I was unconscious I had this dream."

"What kind of dream?"

Kate hesitated for a moment before continuing. "We had been rescued and in one part of the dream I was living with Sawyer."

"Oh?" Sun said with a hint of disappointment in her voice. She always felt that Jack was the man for Kate not the charming Southerner.

"Ah-huh." Kate replied. "But we were on still on the run. Or at least I was and he was running with me. We kept moving around working dead end jobs and never really putting down any roots." She explained. "We just kept moving trying to stay one step ahead."

"Like you did before the crash?"

"Yeah." Kate said softly. This was something she never talked about." Nothing had really changed from before the crash except that Sawyer was with me."

"Doesn't sound very good." Sun commented.

Kate looked over at Sun having caught the small tone in her voice that made her think Sun wasn't happy about the idea that Kate would still be running or maybe she wasn't happy about her running with Sawyer. "It wasn't." She shook her head at the memory and continued. "We ended up making each other unhappy."

"Oh Kate, that's too bad." Sun wasn't sure what else to say.

"But there was another part. In this one I was with Jack." Kate revealed.

"Really?" Sun asked a bit surprised. "With Jack?"

She nodded, "I had turned myself in and he helped me. He let me stay with him after my bail release and he hired an attorney and got his friend that was a cop to help out. I ended up with probation and didn't have to go back to jail."

"Did you and Jack stay together?"

Kate smiled at the memory and nodded. "We got married and had 2 kids." She replied.

"Really?" Sun exclaimed. "Married? You and Jack?"

"It was weird dream. I mean Claire was in it and Boone and my friend Tom and you were in it…"

"Me?"

"Yeah, you came to visit when I was pregnant. We were talking about you and Jin and then about the baby. I even showed you the nursery." She giggled as she told more of her dream. Sun joined her in the laughter but didn't interrupt.

"And while you were there this antique cradle that Jack had bought to surprise me was delivered. It was beautiful." Kate said wistfully remembering the beautiful wooden cradle sitting in the living room.

"That sounds like a really nice part of the dream."

"It was." Kate confessed blushing. She couldn't believe she was telling Sun all of this but it felt good to talk about all of it. "And you kept telling me how much Jack loved me and how I should never forget that."

"I said that?" Sun said surprised.

"Yeah, but I think you were thinking about you and Jin though. You guys were still trying to work things out."

"Oh. What else happened?"

"We had a little girl and then right before I woke up I saw our 3 year old daughter and I was expecting another baby – a little boy." Kate continued to ramble smiling at the memory of the pig tailed little girl.

"Sounds wonderful."

"Yeah."

"Sounds like you were happy."

"I was." Kate admitted softly. "All because I stopped running."

"And did being with Jack have something to do with that, you think?"

Kate looked over and Sun and tried to muster a smile at her question feeling a blush on her cheeks. "Maybe" she replied shyly.

"What do you think the dream meant?"

"Well, Boone said it was suppose to help me decide whether I wanted to be with Sawyer or with Jack. But Tom…" Kate's voice choked up a bit , "Tom told me that I already made the decision and I was just trying to validate it."

"You think he was right?" Sun asked. "Was it Jack?"

"Tom wouldn't tell me. He said I had to figure it out myself." She explained.

"You don't think being happy with Jack in your dream isn't a sign? Sun said pointing out the obvious.

"I don't know. If that's true then why am I sitting here instead of at the caves?"

"Maybe you're afraid…afraid to be happy."

_There it was again, Kate thought. Someone else pointing out that she was afraid to let herself be happy. _

"It sounds like your life was better with Jack than Sawyer." Sun continued.

"Actually, it was better partly because I didn't have to run anymore." She replied. "You know, Sawyer really isn't a bad guy." She wasn't sure why she suddenly felt the need to defend him.

"No, he's not." Sun agreed.

"He can come off as this idiot redneck and he is at times, but he's also this vulnerable little boy that had a hard childhood." Kate told her. "I think he tried to hurt people before they can hurt him."

"That's understandable." Sun replied.

"But he does care. I've seen it come out." Kate continued "And he can make me laugh sometimes when I don't feel like it without even trying."

Sun nodded but didn't say anything more. Kate seemed to be making some sort of list almost as if she was trying to figure out Sawyer's appeal to her. "He can do sweet things if he wants to." She added thinking about him sitting in his tent reading to Aaron to keep the baby happy.

"And Jack?" Sun finally asked.

Kate took a deep breath and looked back out to the horizon for a few seconds. "Jack's not like any man I've met before." She finally said quietly. "He's…." she paused for another second thinking about the doctor. "He's warm and compassionate and he cares. I can see that …how much he cares. And he's good, you know? And he sees the good in people even when others don't. And he has this way of making bad situations better." Her mouth turned up a bit in a small smile. "I trust him" she added almost in a whisper.

"Kate…" Sun started to say.

Kate turned and looked at Sun almost as if she just realized that the young woman was still there. "I need to go talk to Sawyer." She suddenly said pushing herself up from the sand and dusting off her pants. "Thanks for listening." She said before turning up and walking back towards the beach camp.

**In our next chapter Kate and Sawyer have a heart to heart. Will their passion get the best of them? **


	17. Chapter 17

**a/n:** Thanks again for all your feedback everybody. I love to hear what you think of the story. Helps me to keep on writing it. These next two chapters are taking a little longer to post – taking the time to rewrite it to try and make it really good.

**October Sky** - Heart to hearts are always hard for me to write I don't think I'm really good at them.

**Rain **– I like the Sun/Kate friendship too. I wanted to give Kate someone that she could have girl talk with. She spends a lot of time with the guys.

**Sunny** – You're right Sawyer is a great guy. I didn't want to write him evil or smarmy. Too many stories make him out to be this real jerk.

**LostSugar** – As always ur reviews are so enthusiastic. Glad you're liking the story.

**Chapter 17**

Kate made her way over to Sawyer's tent that he had reclaimed since the rafters had returned. She figured he'd be in there reading or sleeping and was surprised to find it empty. Looking around inside she smiled at how quickly he had made the space his own again. A couple of shirts he must have washed hanging in a corner and the glasses Sayid had made were laying on his chair.

"So, thinking about where you gonna store your luggage?" Sawyer's voice came from behind her.

Quickly turning around she found a wet-headed Sawyer standing there. Judging from the damp shirt sticking to his chest Kate guessed he must have been out swimming.

"Hi" She greeted. "Have a good swim?"

"It was okay." He threw his damp towel up on the pole next to his shirts. "Better if you had joined me, Freckles." He smiled showing off his dimples.

Kate shrugged her shoulders. "I haven't exactly been cleared for any real physical exertion."

Still smiling Sawyer placed his hands on her waist and pulled her closer to him. "That doesn't include all physical exertion, does it?" he said huskily and leaned in to kiss her neck. Kate put up her hands to stop him.

"What?" he asked gruffly. "Jack-o seriously didn't tell you something about this, did he?"

Pulling herself out of his embrace Kate shook her head. "I actually came here looking for you to talk about something."

"Oh yeah?" Sawyer reached out and pulled her back to him. "We can talk later." He leaned in again aiming for her neck. Again Kate stopped him.

"What!" He exasperated taking a step back.

"It's important." Kate explained.

"Fine, let's talk." He said with a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

Kate glanced behind him out to the beach and was glad to see their immediate area was mostly deserted. Most of the survivors were probably off working on some tasks or trying to figure out something to kill a couple of hours.

"So, am I gonna have to guess what the topic is?" he asked going over to his chair and sitting down.

Kate turned and followed him over sitting on an old ice cooler he kept nearby as a table. "Actually, I've been thinking about…"she cleared her throat. "About what's been going on between us."

"Oh yeah? This thing going on between us, huh?" He joked trying to ignore the serious look on her face. He thought she might be trying to bring up the argument they had before she got sick. Personally he just wanted to forget the fight and move on. _Women always gotta talk about feelings, _he thought to himself. _Always trying to get a man to admit he's feeling bad or sad. Can't just leave things well enough alone._ "Gonna take me up on the offer to share the tent?"

Kate gave him a weak smile but shook her head slowly. "No, that's not it."

Sawyer studied the young woman trying to figure out where this conversation was headed. After she had woken up he had tried to make amends for their previous argument making sure not to bring up the topic and trying to act like nothing had happened. She seemed to be okay with it at the time – at least going along with not mentioning anything about the fight. As he watched her he noticed she was fidgeting with her hands nervously. "So, what is it, Freckles?" he finally asked letting a serious tone into his voice. "What's so important?"

"Sawyer…" she said slowly glancing away when she spoke. "It's just….I…I've been thinking…"

"It's Doc, ain't it?" Sawyer suddenly said figuring all this fidgeting and fussing had to do with her and the doctor. "You finally decided to give the hero a shot?"

Kate looked over back at him taken by surprised by what he had just said. She hadn't expected him to bring Jack up at least not this early in the conversation. "This is about you and me, Sawyer, not Jack."

"Bull" Sawyer replied. "He has everything to do with this. He's always had everything to do with this. At least be honest Sunshine."

Kate looked back over at Sawyer's angry face and bit her bottom lip. He was asking for honesty but not really expecting her to give it. Hell, if she lied to him right now he would nod his head and let it go. He might know it's a lie, but he wouldn't push her…he wouldn't demand the truth. And they would go on…

"Sawyer, please. I want to talk about us." She started.

Sawyer looked her straight in the eye. "Us? There never really has been an 'us', has there? I mean, you were never really in this 100."

"That's not true!" She could feel herself choking up. "I care about you Sawyer."

"Ah-huh. But not enough to stick with me. We had a good ol' time but now you wanna move on with Doc. Isn't that what you wanna say?" he replied with a nasty tone. He wanted to make her mad wanted to push her to say it. Give him a reason to tell her to go to hell!

"So, that's all this was? A good ol' time?" Kate countered. "Just a roll in bed to kill time between naps?" She tried to look him straight in the eye but he looked down when he heard her words.

"You said it." He stated.

"I don't believe that." She replied blinking to keep back the unshed tears. She knew he'd be angry but he didn't think she would try and cheapen the relationship. "Before you left on the raft you said you were leaving because there was nothing worth staying for."

"And if I remember correctly, you didn't argue." Sawyer spit out flashing back to the night at the fire when he found Kate and essentially figured out that she putting her stock in she and Jack. He had been surprised when he returned and found her alone and wanting to start up something with him.

"Sawyer, please." She tried to reason with him. "That was a long time ago."

"Not that long ago." He continued. "So, what made you change your mind?"

"What?" she asked confused. "Change my mind about what?"

"About you and doctor not being together?" he replied. "You wake up from being sick and realize you still have feelings for him?"

Kate took a deep breath and pulled her hair tighter into the ponytail. Sawyer seemed to think he had everything already figured out. And maybe he did. Maybe he knew her better than she cared to admit. And after everything they had been through maybe she owed him honesty – even if she hurt him. Wasn't it better to tell him the truth and walk away then to try and make up some sort of fabricated story to spare him. Besides she was getting tired of lying. She had been doing it for so long about so many things in her life that sometimes it just seemed easier than dealing with feelings and emotions that came with the truth. She looked at Sawyer and saw the vulnerable little boy's face he rarely showed even to her. It was like a punch in the gut.

"I never meant to hurt you." She finally said softly brushing back the tear that fell.

"Famous last words." He spit out.

"Sawyer, look, this is more about you and me then about…anyone else." Kate tried to explain trying to keep Jack's name out of it. Besides, that wasn't a lie it wasn't like there was anything between her and Jack.

"Really?" he challenged. "And just what is about you and me that's wrong then?"

Taking a deep breath she looked around the tent before speaking again. "You and I are a lot alike."

"Yeah, so?"

"We've both had hard childhoods, experienced things that affected us and we've been able to relate to each other on a certain level."

Sawyer looked at her trying to catch her gaze, trying to get a better read on what she was trying to say. "Sounds like a 'but' coming up here."

She nodded. "But it's not enough. There needs to be other things that we bring to each other. Other things that we bring into this relationship, otherwise we'll only end up hurting each other in the end."

He couldn't understand what was so wrong about all of "this". It was good. They understood each other, they complimented each other and Sawyer had a connection with her he hadn't with any of the women he had met before. She was helping him deal with his demons and showing him that you didn't have to hide out all the time, you didn't have to be a loner. Now she was standing there telling him it wasn't real…it wasn't enough. Sawyer shook his head. "You're wrong." He stated flatly. "It's enough for me."

Kate looked over at Sawyer and saw the hurt forming in his eyes. She felt a new rush of tears building up knowing she was causing that hurt. "No, it isn't. It won't be." She tried to reach over to touch his hand but he pulled it away.

She sighed. "I can't be that person for you Sawyer." She finally said. "I can't be the one that 'fixes you' that makes you whole."

"Who said I was asking you to 'fix me' Sweetheart?" he replied angrily. "Whatever happened to just having a good time on this hell hole?"

"That's not enough for me!" Kate replied matching his tone. "I don't want to get to a point where I look at you and see resentment and disappointment instead of affection."

"Resentment and disappointment because you're with me instead of the Hero?" he retorted. "Let's just be honest here, Freckles, you want Jack. You've wanted him ever since we crashed on this stupid island.

Kate remained silent for the moment. She wasn't sure how to continue this since the last thing she had planned to do was get into an argument, stupid as that sounded now. She had wanted to talk it out but he was looking for a fight. She knew in her heart she couldn't deny what Sawyer was saying and still be honest the way he was asking her to be. And even if she tried to deny it he wouldn't believe her anyway.

"I don't want you to hate me." She finally said softly because she didn't know what else to say.

"What?" he asked surprised by her statement. "You don't want me to hate you? Oh, that's rich."

"You will." She insisted getting up and walking over to him. "If we continue this you will hate me."

"And why's that?"

"We accept each other warts and all." She stated.

"Yeah, and I can see how that would be bad for a relationship." He countered.

"It would, if we never challenge each other to grow, to become a better person. To demand they tell you the truth!" She explained. "We'll continue to lie, to cheat, to run away and one won't stop the other until one day when you wake up and feel empty and lonely inside."

"That's bullshit." Sawyer replied moving away from her further inside the tent.

"No, it's not." She turned and followed a couple of steps before stopping. "You're a good man, Sawyer. You're not the same redneck asshole that crashed on this island. Being around these people had changed you, made you less of an outsider. It's made you want to be part of something. I've seen it. Sayid has seen it and so has Sun, Claire, Michael…even Jack." She said noticing Sawyer make a face at the mention of the other man's name. "You're starting to care."

"Well, you're the one that pushed me to be less of an outsider, so I guess your theory about not challenging me to be a better person falls flat." He pointed out.

Kate took another step towards him and put her hand gently on his chest. She looked into his blue eyes that reflected a mixture of hurt and anger similar to what she had seen in her dream. "You did that." She replied.

Sawyer looked back at the woman standing in front of him thinking about how beautiful she looked and before he could think twice he bent down and pressed his lips to hers. Kate didn't pull away. Joyful he deepened the kiss only to notice that while she didn't pull away she didn't return the kiss…not like in the past. It was almost as if she was trying to show him physically what she had been telling him verbally all this time. He pulled back and broke off the kiss. He searched her eyes for an answer.

"I'm not the one for you." She repeated softly. The vulnerable little boy's face appeared again briefly and it pained her again that she was causing it.

"You mean, I'm not the one for you." He stated trying to keep the hurt from sounding in his voice.

Kate nodded her head her eyes watering up. "No." she whispered. "I'm sorry."

Sawyer looked down at Kate's face. He could see the emotion in her eyes when she answered him. She was struggling between not wanting to hurt him and not wanting to lie to him. Deep down he knew she was right. He had seen how Kate looked at Jack, how she had a deeper connection with him then the one she shared with Sawyer. A connection on a different level that Sawyer knew would eventually be too hard for Kate to fight. Slowly he nodded his head. "This is what you want?" he asked softly.

"I want us to still be friends." She sniffled back her unshed tears.

Sawyer turned away from her. There were those words that every man being dumped hated to hear. _'She wasn't serious'_ he _thought 'to be friends and act like nothing happened? To watch her be happy with another man? And not just any man, but Jack?' _

"Friends, huh, Freckles?" he said with his back still to her.

"Come on Sawyer, it's a small island." She replied. "It's not like we can avoid running into each other."

"And I'm just suppose to tip my hat and say 'how do' to the happy couple, huh?" he countered turning around. "Well, Sweetheart, don't _hate me_ if I can't do that for now."

Kate's face flashed with sadness. She knew Sawyer's point was valid and knew asking to be friends had been a shot in the dark. He was angry and hurt and when Sawyer was hurt he lashed out. She just wanted him to know that he was still important to her, that he and his friendship meant something to her. She wanted him to know their time together hadn't been just some sort of distraction.

"I'm sorry you feel that way." She said softly. "Maybe you'll change your mind, later on." She added.

"Yeah, maybe." He shrugged his shoulders and moved to sit back in his usual reading chair picking up his book. His way of telling Kate he was done with the conversation.

She sighed and turned to leave. As she reached the opening of the tent Sawyer called out to her. "Hey, Freckles."

She turned and looked back at him. "Yeah?"

"Doc ever hurts you he's gonna have to answer to me." He stated holding her gaze for a couple of seconds before returning his attention to his book.

Kate's mouth turned up in a small smile before walking out. She knew that was the closest Sawyer would get to saying that eventually they could be friends again. Slowly she made her way back to her tent. She was drained and all she wanted to do was take nap.

**Next Chapter: Now that Kate has made her choice how does she go about i****t? By avoiding Jack of course! But Fate has something else in mind. In other words Jack and Kate finally have their heart to heart. **


	18. Chapter 18

**a/n:** **First of all I want to apologize for taking sooooo much time updating. Part of it was the normal day to day stuff...life just kept interrupting. Also got a bout of writer's block that I didn't expect. I think it was because I was trying hard to make this a good chapter. Worried about writing it right because it really is the pivotal point of the whole story and I was concerned that it I didn't get it right then…well it would suck. But on the bright side it's an extra long chapter.**

**So, let me know what you guys think about this heart to heart 'cause I again I feel like I always have trouble writing those chapters.**

**Chapter 18**

It was mid-afternoon as Kate trudged along the jungle alone. She was on her usual fruit finding chores venturing to an area Sayid has suggested she look. It had been a few days since she had called it quits with Sawyer and she had been keeping to herself. Sun had asked her a few questions about what happened with Kate only telling her she had felt it was the right thing to do.

Unfortunately, Sawyer had chosen to sulk and kept his distance from Kate avoiding having to have any direction conversations with her. But she knew he watched her as she walked along the beach almost as if he was trying to gauge if she had changed her mind and being disappointed that she hadn't. Kate knew that she had hurt him even if he refused to admit it, but she also knew that it had been the right choice. It would hurt less now, for both, than if they got in any deeper.

Sighing, she picked a tree and started to climb hoping the physical activity would clear her head. Reaching between the branches she plucked the fruit and threw it down to the blanket she had laid on the ground. As she climbed to the next branch her mind wandered to the topic it had been on for the last 4 days – Jack. Feeling a little weird after her conversation with Sawyer she had gone out of her way to avoid the doctor even though she knew he probably wanted to check on her continued recovery. She figured the island gossip about her and Sawyer had probably reached the caves and people were now waiting to see what would happen between her and Jack.

She thought back to her dream again – the image of Jack holding a pregnant Kate on the couch while their daughter sleep soundly made her smile. It was so different from the image of her hiding in a barn in Australia and she was even sure it was attainable. Would her legal problems be resolved if they were rescued? And even if they were, she really wasn't sure how Jack felt. He hadn't made any real moves towards her, had he? But then again there had been Sawyer, she told herself.

Deep in her debate with herself she started climbing down the tree. As she was almost down she placed her foot on a piece of bark on the truck that gave way causing her to stumble down the rest of the way. Reeling backwards she felt a pair of hands firmly grab onto her waist and steady her as she fell against the body attached.

"Hey, be careful" a voice cautioned.

Kate turned around recognizing the voice instantly. It was Jack. She felt her stomach do a small flip at his touch.

"You okay?" he asked his voice full of concern.

"Yeah", she replied holding his gaze. "I must have caught a piece of dry bark." She noticed he hadn't let go of her waist.

"Okay, don't need you getting hurt again." He teased.

"Oh? Don't want to play doctor anymore, Jack?" she found herself teasing back.

"I don't mind playing doctor." He laughed. "Just don't want you having to take a nasty tumble to do it."

Kate felt her cheeks flush at his flirtatious comment and suddenly felt like she was back in high school for a moment. "So jack "she said anxious to break her silence. "What are you doing out here in the jungle?" she asked gently pulling out of his grasp.

"Actually, I came looking for you." He replied.

Kate felt a small lump form in her throat as she squeaked out, "Me?"

"Ah-huh. I…ah…I wanted to check on you, make sure you're feeling okay." He explained. "You've been making yourself scare at the caves and at the beach."

"I've been busy." Kate commented somewhat disappointed that his reason was medical. _What were you thinking Kate?_ she told herself.

"You need to be taking it easy, Kate." Jack told her. "Your body suffered a major trauma and I want to make sure there's no lingering effects." He bend down to help her pick up the fruit she had gathered.

"I feel okay. I'm getting stronger every day." She replied taking the fruit from him and placing it in the bag.

"I'm not sure climbing trees is such a good idea." Jack was in full doctor mode. "Especially alone. Look what just happened."

"I stepped on a piece of dry bark, Jack." She replied. "That happens when you climb trees."

Jack chuckled lightly at her comment as he handed her the last piece of fruit. As their fingers brushed on the exchange both of them felt an electric jolt causing Kate to pull back her hand and drop the fruit.

"Sorry." She mumbled feeling her cheeks get hot as she picked it up. Jack didn't say anything but watched her wondering if being close to him was effecting her the way being close to her was effecting him. He had used checking on her health as an excuse to seek her out, but he really just wanted to see her, talk to her. He wanted to see if what happened between her and Sawyer may have anything to do with him.

Silently Kate stood up and started to put the bag on her shoulder when Jack reached out and stopped her. "Let me carry it." He offered.

"I can carry it." Kate protested holding onto the strap.

"I know you can. But I'm trying to be a gentleman, will you just humor me?" he smiled holding on to the other strap.

Kate looked up at him and couldn't help but return his smile. He did seem the type to keep chivalry alive. And besides what was so wrong with letting her guard down if just for a little and not play the tough girl role? Just relax and let him take care of her. "Okay." She replied releasing the strap. "If you insist."

"How about we take a walk?" Jack suggested "You know catch up."

Knowing 'catch up' possibly meant talking about Sawyer, Kate still nodded. She wanted to spend time with Jack away from everyone else if only for a short time. Isn't this after all what her dream had meant?

They started slowly down the path each waiting for the other to say something. Finally Jack spoke up. "So, no complaints of any headaches or dizziness, right?" he asked.

Kate sighed inwardly. More medical talk. "Nope. I'm still a little sluggish and have gotten tired more easily since I woke up, but even that's getting better."

"Getting enough sleep?"

"I should be asking you that question." She retorted.

"Ok. Ok." Jack chuckled. "Other than that everything else is okay?"

"Yeah."

"So…no particular reason why you've been avoiding the caves?" he questioned.

Kate, who had been walking slightly ahead, stopped and looked at him surprised by the question. "No. Why?"

"Well, you usually don't stay away too long. I usually see you at the caves at least once a day." He pointed out.

She shrugged her shoulders trying to act nonchalantly. "Don't know. Been busy taking it easy per doctor's orders." She smiled at him.

"And yet I go to the beach and you're not around." He replied.

Kate sighed, "Bad timing, I guess. You must have just missed me."

Jack reached out and touched her arm. "You're not avoiding me, are you?"

She glanced down at his hand before looking back up at him. Images from her dream of life with him flashed in her mind: The house, her pregnant, the cradle, their daughter. She remembered how irresistible his smile was during the pillow fight and how genuine his laugh was as he threw her on the couch. She wondered if he had ever had a pillow fight with any of the women he had been involved with before. As she ran her gaze over his face and fell on his lips she remembered how her stomach flipped when she had watched her future self kiss Jack. She wondered if his lips were as warm and soft as she imagined. She wondered how she would react if he kissed her for real.

"Kate?" his voice broke into her thoughts.

"Huh?" she asked breaking out of her day dream.

"Where did you go?" he asked.

"To the future." She whispered before realizing what she said.

"Oh yeah?" he commented. "Nice dream?"

"Yeah, it was." She admitted.

They walked a little further in a comfortable silence enjoying the presence of one another before Jack spoke up again. "So, you never answered my question."

"No? Which one?"

He stopped at a small clearing surrounded by a cluster of trees. Pulling out a bottle of water he took a sip before replying. "Are you avoiding me?" he asked sincerely. For some reason he was determined to keep on this topic.

Kate looked up at him and despite a nervous initial thought of lying to him she knew he probably would know if she was lying. "Maybe." She finally said being as honest as she could at that moment.

Jack was surprised by her answer. He was expecting a 'no' or at the least a wisecrack. Instead he got a response that was genuine…and somewhat hurtful. Why would she be avoiding him? "Why?" he asked.

Kate turned away for a moment finding it easier to speak without looking at him. "I'm not really sure."

"Did I do something wrong?" he asked again. "Hurt you feelings?" His voice was full of concern that maybe he had done something or said something indirectly to hurt her.

She shook her head. "No." she said softly.

"Then what's going on?" he inquired still standing behind her.

"That's what I've been trying to figure out." She said softly turning around to face him. She noticed his face still held a touch of weariness.

"Figure out what?" his gaze probing trying to read her feelings.

Suddenly Kate got nervous. What was she thinking? She wasn't thinking, that's the problem. "Nothing." She said quickly. "It's nothing." She started to take a step forward but Jack blocked her path.

"Kate, how long are we going to do this?" he asked, his voice lowered.

Looking down at the ground Kate kicked at a small pebble. "Do what?"

Reaching down Jack tilted her chin up so she'd meet his gaze. "This song and dance we're doing. Taking one step forward then two back."

Kate swallowed hard as she looked into his hazel eyes. Eyes that seemed to be filled with both confusion and concern. Eyes that told her that he wanted to understand what was going on.

"Is that what we're doing?" she asked instead of answering.

"Would appear so." He said keeping her eye contact. "Wanna talk about it?"

Kate shrugged her shoulders and took a step back. Part of her becoming scared at the idea of getting closer to Jack. Scared that it wouldn't work and then she'd lose their friendship. She didn't want to be stuck on the island and have Jack going out of his way to avoid her – the way Sawyer seemed to be. She could handle that with Sawyer she knew she couldn't with Jack. "I'm not sure what's going on." She finally said.

"Kate, something's going on between us. It's been there for awhile." Jack challenged.

Looking back at Jack Kate found herself nervously chewing on her fingernail. "I know."

"Think we should keep ignoring it?" he smiled weakly not sure what her response would be.

Kate knew that she didn't want to do that, but she was still nervous about admitting anything too.

"What do you want Kate?" Jack asked when she didn't answer his other question.

She looked up and stared into his warm eyes again getting lost in the dark pools for a moment. _'You'_ a part of her wanted to scream out. _'I want you Jack Shepard!' _But another part stopped her reminding her of her past specifically her past relationships, and how most of them had been failures.

"Kate…" he reached over and took her hand.

"Jack, I can't ." she said softly trying to pull her hand away his touch weakening her resolve somewhat. But Jack refused to let go.

"What DO you want, Kate?" he asked again this time a little more determined.

She could feel tears welding up in her eyes. Why couldn't she just let go? Tell him what he wanted to hear? What she wanted to say? Then she remembered Tom's words about her needing to believe that she deserved to be happy. She needed to forgive herself and realized she could start over…for real.

Still looking at her Jack reached up and placed his thumb on her temple and slowly caressed it. "What do you want, Kate?" he asked a third time almost in a whisper.

Feeling the warmth from his gentle touch run through her Kate nodded. "Us" she finally admitted. "I want us."

Jack's expression didn't change but Kate saw a brief flicker of a smile in his eyes. "Are you sure?" he asked his tone very serious.

Kate nodded her head as she swallowed hard. "Yes."

Jack pulled back his hand from her face and Kate instantly felt the warmth draw out with it. "Then why did you pick Sawyer?" he inquired with a hurt tone in his voice.

Kate was taken back by his question and looked over at him shocked. This wasn't the reaction she expected from him. "W-what?"

"If this is what you wanted…me…us…why Sawyer?" his eyes now registering the hurt he had been keeping locked up until now.

"Jack…I…"Kate stammered not sure what she was trying to say.

"Why Kate?" he asked again. "The truth."

She shook her head but didn't answer right away. "I don't know." She finally said.

"Sure you do." He replied. "I mean don't you and Sawyer have some kind of connection? Isn't that what he said?"

"We understand each other." She admitted.

Jack nodded his head almost as if trying to make his point. "So, what happened?"

"What happened with what?" she asked starting to get a little annoyed with his prodding.

"With you and Sawyer…What happened?"

"Jack…"

"I mean you chose him."

"Wait a minute!" Kate put her hand up to protest. "One minute you're asking me what I want and the next you're demanding to know about Sawyer and I."

"You don't think that's relevant?" he asked

She shook her head. "No, I don't." Now Kate was confused by his questions. She really didn't want to discuss her and Sawyer with Jack anymore than she had wanted to discuss Jack with Sawyer a few days ago.

Jack rubbed the back of his neck in frustration not sure what it was he was trying to find out. He had been thrilled for a moment when she finally admitted she wanted something with him, but there was still a part of him that wanted a reason why she had originally chosen to be with Sawyer. Jack wasn't sure why, maybe it was male pride.

Kate watched him fidget around for a brief moment before taking a small step towards him. Jack never took his eyes off her.

"Why?" he asked again. "Why did you choose him?"

"He's not a bad guy." Kate replied suddenly feeling like she needed to defend her actions.

"I wasn't saying he was." Jack sighed.

"I know he can come across as selfish and…"

"Kate, I really don't want to go over Sawyer's attributes." He interrupted "Maybe this discussion was a mistake." He mumbled looking down.

She felt a new wave of tears start to build up at his words. "You're saying we'd be a mistake?" she spit out disappointment filling her.

"I didn't say that, Kate." He looked at her again and paused for a moment. "I just…"

"You want to know why." She finished his sentence and Jack nodded.

Talking a deep breath she walked over to a large rock nearby and sat down. Jack in turned leaned against the tree next to him and silently watched her and waited.

Kate's inner voice told her she needed to stop her past behavior. It was time for her to put her trust and faith in someone and that someone was Jack – she knew that in her heart if she didn't she'd never stop running.

"It was easier to be with him." She started out.

"Oh?"

Nodding slowly she continued "Sawyer and I are alike in some ways. Not so much the obvious, but more how we lived our lives."

"On the run?" Jack asked immediately hating the hint of sarcasm in his voice.

She shot him a hard look. "Guarded. Neither one of us is good at letting people in. We've had stuff happen in our past that makes us weary. And sometimes it's easier playing a role and making up a story about who you really are."

"But you let him in."

"Not really." Kate looked over at Jack and he leaned against the tree. More than anything she needed for him to understand he wasn't competing with Sawyer. It was different with him. "I only let him in on the surface…and he was fine with that. He didn't push. Maybe because he didn't want me pushing too deep either. We let ourselves just continue like before with a little change her or there."

Jack didn't say anything. He knew Kate was referring to his asking about her past and wanting her to be honest with him. His need to have honesty between the two of them was something he was sure she didn't understand.

"Nothing that went too deep." She continued. "And it was easier that way. That's how it's always been."

"So the, why the change of heart?" he finally spoke. "Why break it off?"

Kate looked down again at her hands fidgeting with her cuticles. "Because it's wasn't enough for me. It wasn't what I really wanted and…because…because he's not you." She admitted softly.

Jack felt his heart literally skip a beat at her words. "Really?" he asked, his breath caught in his throat.

She nodded but didn't trust herself to answer. She still wasn't sure if he shared her feelings. And if he did was she ready to take the next step? Let her guard down and grab a chance to be happy?

"Why didn't you say something before?" he asked keeping his position against the tree.

"I told you I'm not good at letting people in." she replied. "I have trust issues."

"You don't trust me?" he asked disappointed at the idea.

Kate stared at him for a moment admiring his strong features, the muscles in his arms more defined by all his physical labor on the island. She pictured herself wrapped up safe in those arms and felt her stomach flutter. "I trust you." She stated simply. "You're the first person in a long time I've trusted."

"Then…"

"You don't trust me." She blurted out.

"Kate, that's not true!" he denied taking a couple of steps in her direction. "I trust you."

"No," she shook her head insistently. "You don't…not completely."

"What makes you think that?" he asked not sure where any of this was coming from.

"When Michael was poisoned you told me that you didn't know what I was capable of." She told him feeling her voice choking up. "And you wouldn't let me carry the dynamite either."

Jack couldn't believe Kate would still be upset about the incident with the dynamite. Knowing he had to explain his reasoning if he wanted to pursue anything deeper with her Jack took the final few steps towards her and sat down next to her. As she turned to look at what he was doing Jack caught the combo of fear and anger in her eyes.

"First of all, Kate, I do trust you." He reassured her. "You're one of the few on this island that I know has my back." He said slowly and watched as she nodded. "When Michael was poisoned you came to me asking how he was, who would be taking his place on the raft. And I had just found out you wanted a seat on the raft…but I know that you wouldn't intentionally hurt somebody. I was wrong to say that to you. I guess what I really was saying was that none of us know what the other is capable of…good or bad."

Kate swallowed a gulp of air when she heard him say that. For a moment she wrestled internally with the idea of telling him about her role. If he felt she had nothing to do with Michael's poisoning would she push him away telling him the truth? She knew she might, but she also knew she needed to start being more honest with him.

"I gave Sun the idea." She finally admitted. "I told her that if Jin got sick he wouldn't be able to go and she'd be able to keep him here. I figured that I'd get his spot on the raft." She spoke quickly so she wouldn't lose her nerve.

A few long silent seconds passed in which Kate kept her head down too nervous to look at him afraid of what she'd see in his eyes.

"I know." Jack finally replied in a low voice.

Surprised she turned at looked over at him trying to make sure she heard him correctly. "You know? How?"

"I figured someone would have given Sun the idea. Just didn't seem to have that in her to come up with something like that. I figured someone she was close to and trusted helped her." He replied. "Someone with a possible stake in it."

Kate averted her eyes to the ground. Here she had been worried confessing would anger and push him away and he had already figured it out.

"Why didn't you say anything?" she asked incredulously.

He shrugged his shoulders. "I figured you probably were already beating yourself up for using Sun like that…and you had enough to deal with when Sawyer 'outed' you" he explained.

"Yeah." She nodded. "Pretty good payback huh?" she said sarcastically.

"I didn't mean it that way."

"I know." She said softly.

Jack turned away from her for a moment. "As for the dynamite." He looked down at his hands and started rubbing the palms together. "I had a more selfish reason for not wanting you to carry them."

"You're getting use to playing 'hero'?" she teased half-heartedly.

Turning he met and held her gaze. "I didn't want what happened to Artz to happen to you." He confessed softly. "I didn't want you at risk."

Kate's pulse raced for a second at his words. He was telling her he had feelings for her, wasn't he? _He did care_, she told herself_, beyond friendship_. Kate saw in his gaze the emotions he was feeling and it made her shiver. She knew she should say something but wasn't sure what. Finally she squeaked out. "Really?"

Nodding he took one of her hands in his rubbing the top of it gently with his thumb. "Really."

They sat there silently for a moment looking at her hand in his not sure what should be said next.

Finally Jack spoke. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" Kate panicked. _Had he changed his mind?_

"For making you believe I didn't trust you." He explained.

"It's not like I didn't give you reason." She replied still watching his thumb gently trace circles over her hand and loving the feeling it was inducing. "I should have been more honest from the start."

He nodded. "Yeah." He let go of her hand and stood up. "I guess I put you on the spot a couple of times too demanding some honesty." He rubbed his hand along the back of his neck again as if trying to brush of the tension that continually seem to camp out there. "But I gotta tell you Kate, I've had enough people in my life lie to me, play me. I guess I just am tired of it."

Kate bit her bottom lip and looked down at the vines running along the jungle floor at her feet. She wasn't sure how to respond. She knew she had put him at arm's length every time she had been less than honest. "I'm sorry." She whispered.

He took a deep breath and lowered his head to look at his feet. "My father was a master at manipulating people. "he continued. "I spent most of my life watching him handle people and situations, most of the time to his advantage."

Kate remained silent. This was the first time Jack had revealed anything personal about his life and she didn't want him to stop.

"He used to tell me that to succeed in life you had to be detached…put aside your feelings. Let fate decide for you." Jack's voice was full of emotion as he spoke. He turned and looked over at the young woman. "He was a big believer in fate. 'Never choose Jack, because when you lose you don't have what it takes.' I heard that my whole life."

"That doesn't sound like you" Kate commented, "letting fate decide things."

He nodded. "It's not. But I remember growing up thinking about how easy he made it seem going to work dealing with everything he saw at the hospital and then coming home and not letting him effect his home life." He kicked around a small rock. "And it bothered me that I couldn't be that way. I always felt like I disappointed him when I couldn't 'let go'. It wasn't until I got older that I realized that while he looked like he wasn't fazed he really was just avoiding taking responsibility for his actions by putting it on fate. And his feelings? He was just drowning them in a bottle of liquor. Making himself numb to everything. "

"Sometimes that's better than dealing with them." Kate replied quietly.

Shaking his head Jack walked back over and sat down next to her. "No, it's not." He impulsively took her hand in his again and turned to face her. "Your feelings are important – good or bad – and you need to deal with them. Shutting them off only works for a little while, believe me I know. Eventually you ended up having to face them one way or another. My father was proof of that. When everything fell apart for him he didn't know how to face it and so he ran…right into a bottle of whiskey…and eventually that helped kill him." Jack's voice cracked as he relieved his father's death again and he could feel his eyes start to tear up.

Kate watched as the emotions flooded his face and all she wanted to do at that moment was pull him into her arms and comfort him, let him know it would be okay. Instead she reached out her free hand and brought it to his cheek and caressed it. Smiling weakly Jack leaned into her touch enjoying the warmth it brought.

"We need to stop." He said in almost a whisper.

"Stop what?" Kate asked.

"Running away from our feelings, "he replied, "putting these walls up."

"I know." She agreed turning her hand over and rubbing the top of it along his jaw line. She knew he was right. She was tired of running and tired of feeling alone, feeling as if she didn't deserve some happiness in her life, as if love wasn't for her. Sitting her next to this man holding his hand made her truly realize she did want everything she saw in her dream…and more importantly she wanted it with Jack. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Go ahead." he squeezed her hand ever so slightly.

Taking a deep breath she looked him straight in the eyes. "What do you want, Jack?" she said, asking him the same question he had asked of her earlier.

The doctor looked over at the beautiful young woman sitting in front of him, her eyes glistening with light tears and felt his stomach do a flip. He knew exactly what he wanted, he had known it for a long time…or rather his heart had…it just took his brain a little longer to get the idea. "You." He finally said. "I want you."

She smiled and nodded. "Are you sure? I mean warts and all?"

He chuckled. "Yeah, I'm sure. Warts and all." He leaned forward and pressed his lips gently to hers. Kate immediately returned the kiss. Deepening the kiss he reached out and pulled her into his embrace wanting her as close to him as she could get. Opening her lips she accepted his tongue as it explored the inside of her mouth dueling with hers as her arms wrapped around his neck tightening her hold on him. They pulled away only when the need for oxygen became greater than the need to kiss. Resting his forehead against hers Jack smiled. "Took long enough, huh?" he joked.

She smiled slightly and nodded. But from the look on her face Jack could tell she still had something on her mind. Pulling back he put his hands on either side of her face. "What's wrong? Bad kiss?"

"No." she replied. "It was a great kiss."

"Then what?"

Reaching up she took his hands in hers. "If we're going to do this then I need to tell you everything."

"Kate…"

She shook her head quickly. "No, Jack. It's not fair for you to not know what you're getting into."

"It doesn't matter." He replied.

"See, that's the problem. You can't make that statement without knowing what I did…and why. "She insisted. "It's the only way that I can believe that you're not going to leave."

"Kate," he took her hand and intertwined their fingers. "I'm not going anywhere, I promise. Besides, how far could I get we're on an island?" He joked.

"I'm serious Jack!" she replied excitedly.

"Ok." He nodded. "Only if you want to."

"I do." She replied.

Looking around Jack noticed that it had started getting late. He wasn't too keen on keeping this conversation on hold until they got back to the caves. For one he was afraid Kate might change her mind and for another he knew they wouldn't get the privacy they needed.

"Before you start how about we set up camp?" he suggested. "It's getting a little late to walk back and besides it'll give us a chance to talk without being interrupted."

"Ok." Kate replied. "How about that spot over there." She pointed next to them to a small clearing surrounded by some trees.

"I'll look for some wood for a fire." Jack volunteered.

A short time later the two were sitting in front of a piece of tree trunk Jack had rolled over eating some dried boar meat and some of the fruit Kate had picked earlier. When they were done they sat silently staring into the flames each of them momentarily lost in their thoughts until Jack finally cleared his throat. "You still want to tell me?" he asked. "Because it's okay if you changed your mind."

She shook her head. "No, I need to do this." She said softly still trying to gather her nerve.

Impulsively Jack draped his arm around Kate's shoulders and pulled her to him. Wrapping his other arm around her waist he placed a gently kiss on her temple. "Just remember I'm not going anywhere."

Snuggling deeper into his embrace Kate closed her eyes for a moment and just enjoyed being his arms…feeling his warmth wash over her and make her feel safe. She hadn't felt this with anyone since…she couldn't remember when. And that feeling made her fearful with what she was about to do. What if she told him everything and he left? She'd be crushed, she knew it because even though she wasn't ready to admit it to him she was falling in love with the handsome doctor…falling hard and falling deep. _Trust him, Kate, she told herself. Trust him to love you no matter what._

"My parents divorced when I was about 12 years old…" she started.

It took her awhile to get through the whole thing but she told him everything. She told him about her step father and the abuse and running away, crying as she did. Jack remained silent but held her as her tears came making soft soothing sounds as he rubbed her back telling her silently everything would be okay. She told him about Tom and the heartache of feeling responsible for his death. He in turned assured her, as Tom had in her dream, that it hadn't been her fault – he had made the choice to get into the car. She told him about the Marshall and his personal vendetta to capture her and how she had ended up in Australia. By the time she was done Kate was emotionally exhausted. She felt as if she didn't have any tears left inside her. And between her emotional state, the fire, and Jack's warm embrace Kate fell asleep.

Hours later she woke up to darkness. Best she could tell it was still very early in morning hours. The embers of the fire were dying down and she felt a little shiver run through her. She pulled at the blanket draped across her shoulders. As she shifted she felt something across her waist and realized it was Jack's arm. He was laying behind her his chest pressed against her back. Smiling she burrowed herself deeper into his embrace and felt his arms tighten around her before feeling a kiss on the side of her neck.

"You didn't leave." She stated happily.

"I told you Kate, I'm not going anywhere." He replied before sitting up slightly and placing a kiss on her lips. "You're stuck with me."

Grinning she reached up and caressed his chin. "Looks like it, huh?"

Laying back down Jack pulled her back to him. "Yeah it does."

**Next Chapter: An epilogue.And I promise it won't take as long as this chapter did. As always let me know what you thought. **


	19. Epilogue

**a/n:** **Okay, here it finally is. It's really a little longer than epilogues are suppose to be but I got a bit carried away there. Plus a couple of you asked for a longer final chapter. Thank you so much for all your reviews I have gotten a real kick out of reading them and it feels good to know you've enjoyed the story. Let me know what you think of this ending. I know it might be a little cheesy but I tried to add some extra fluff to counter the cheese.**

**EPILOGUE**

Kate woke up in darkness surrounded by light beams of moonlight streaking across casting shadows. Shutting her eyes she snuggled further under the warm covers when she realized how soft and smooth the ground was underneath her. Pushing her hand out to the side she felt around next to her and found soft material not the hard jungle floor that she had been laying on earlier. And the blanket did not feel thin and scratchy like her airline blanket usually did.

Flashing her eyes open again she realized that she was under a duvet in a big warm bed. Shocked she sat up with a start and tried to adjust her eyes to the darkness. Looking around she found herself in what appeared to be a bedroom, the moonlight streaming through the window near the bed.

"What the hell?" she thought to herself. "Where am I?"

Panicking she looked around and found the lamp next to the bed. Reaching over she turned it on and soft light filled the room. Still somewhat groggy she looked around her surroundings – she was definitely in a bedroom. _'Another dream?_' she thought to herself. _'Not again.'_ "Tom? Boone?" she called out softly waiting for one of them to emerge and explain what was going on. She was met with silence. She slipped out of the bed and looking down noticed she was wearing a short, silky nightgown. Definitely not her normal bedtime attire on the island.

As she looked around the room she spotted a cradle in the corner across from the bed. Taking a step closer she recognized the cradle as the one from her dream…she looked inside and saw an infant inside. As she looked down at the baby in the blue sleeper he started to stir almost as if he sensed her. Opening his little eyes he started kicking and moving his arms reaching for her. Looking into his hazel eyes Kate felt the sleep induced fog lift from her brain and her memory clearing. This was her 3 month old son…Brandon.

Instinctively she reached down and caressed his cheek as he continued to reach up to her his hands opening and closing asking to be picked up.

"Hey sweetheart, "she cooed softly. "You awake huh?" she reached down and picked him up bringing him up close to her chest in a hug. Seeing him trying to reach for her breast Kate chuckled. "You must be hungry, huh, B?"

Padding back over towards the bed she sat up against the pillows and pulled down one of the straps of her nightgown to feed the fussy infant. Looking around the room again Kate felt a sense of security and comfort that had been rare in her life before the accident. Glancing at the dresser she spotted the wedding picture of her and Jack from a few years earlier. Smiling she looked down at her son and smoothed his dark hair as he suckled contently. "You're starting to look like your daddy more each day." She commented then looked over at the empty side of the bed. "I wonder where he is?" she thought out loud. "Maybe he's in the kitchen."

Now that she had been awake for a little bit her memories were much clearer. They had gotten off the island 4 years previously and just like Jack had promised her he had stuck with her through her legal battle. And just like the dream Tom had shown her they had been successful in keeping her out of jail and clearing her of the charges. Glancing again at the wedding picture she remembered their wedding day 3 years before at a beautiful resort in Laguna Beach.

Their daughter Abbey had been born 5 months earlier and was the unofficial flower girl. With Sun as her matron of honor and Claire as her bridesmaid Kate had walked down the isle in a long off white gown that hugged her torso then fell into a loose flowing skirt. Her hair pulled back into a loose and curly ponytail with baby breath flowers in the crown and a few tendrils softly framing her face. Her bouquet had been made up of peach roses that complimented the hint of peach that ran through her dress.

"_Your ready?" Hurley asked her nervously._

_Kate nodded as her hooked her arm through his. "I'm ready." She whispered. "You okay?" she asked noticing the pale complexion and nervous demeanor._

"_Dude, you know it's not too late, you can get Charlie or Sayid to do this." Hurley replied motioning towards the front of the isle._

_Kate shook her head. "No way. I asked you because I wanted you to walk me down the isle. Hurley, you've always been mine and Jack's biggest cheerleader and you helped me out when we got back, I mean, you didn't have to pay my bail."_

"_I didn't like the idea of you being in jail." He explained. "And it's not like I didn't have the money." He pulled at his jacket. "But seriously, I might pass out on you before we get to the end."_

_She smiled and reached up and kissed him softly on the cheek. "You'll be fine. I'm the one that's getting married remember? If anyone should pass out because of nerves it would be the bride."_

_Hurley looked at her in shock. "You're not gonna…you know…pass out, are you?"_

_She smiled. "No, I'm fine. I'm not even nervous. So, let's get this started."_

_A short time later she and Hurley were at the front of the isle without incident and he smoothly handed her over to Jack who looked nervous but handsome himself in a navy blue suit. _

_They had foregone some of the more traditional ceremonial stuff opting to keep it simple. But Jack surprised her when it was time for him to recite his vows._

_The minister smiled as he looked out at the guests, "Jack has asked to say something before exchanging vows."_

_Holding both of Kate's hands in his he turned to face her completely. "We met under the most stressful of situations to say the least. You walking out of the jungle me kneeling there bleeding. But from the moment that we met there was a connection…a bond. Something that told me that you weren't like any other woman I had met and you weren't going to be like anyone else in my life. You believed in me at times when I didn't believe in myself and supported me even if you didn't agree 100 with my decisions. It took us a little while to get together but I guess we had to let go of some of our past and learn to trust not only each other but ourselves. But it was worth the wait, worth the struggle to get here. More than anything I realize that we complete each other. You are my heart, you are my soul and with you I am experiencing a powerful and life altering love." He spoke low and with a voice full of emotion. _

_Kate felt the tears fall down her cheeks as she listened. He had somehow managed to capture in words what she was feeling about him. Tearfully smiling she leaned up and kissed him before the Minister reminded them it wasn't time for the kiss yet as the guests chuckled._

_The reception that followed was fun and lighthearted. Charlie had provided a few songs on his guitar performing some songs he had been working on for an upcoming independent album. _

_When Jack took Kate up to the suite he had reserved for the night she found a room full of twinkling candles, a box of her favorite chocolates on the bed along with a bottle of champagne chilling by the nightstand and soft music playing in the background. With Abby safely spending the night with Sun and Jin, the newlywed couple focused their undivided attention on each other and spent a romantic night blissfully in each others arms. _

Realizing Brandon was done eating Kate snapped out of her reminiscing to look down at him and gently wiped his mouth. "Your daddy is a pretty amazing man." She told the baby. "He made the wedding perfect." Brandon gurgled and cooed back as if in agreement. Kissing his cheek she placed him on her shoulder and started patting his back.

'Funny how life can change' She thought. 'Six years ago I'm sacked down in cheap hotels or secluded farmhouses and now I'm a wife and a mother living in a nice house in middle suburbia…and happy.' She added. 'I'm happier than I ever thought I could be. Tom would be proud.'

"Hey" a voice broke into her thoughts. Turning around she saw Jack standing at the doorway holding Abby in his arms. The little girl's face buried for the moment in his neck her hair starting to pull out of their braids.

Kate smiled warmly. "Hey. I was wondering where you snuck off to."

Hearing Kate's voice Abby turned around and gave her a small smile. "Hi Mommy."

"Hi baby. What happened?"

Jack walked over and slowly sat down on the bed. "Seems 'we' had a nightmare She woke me up a little while ago because there was something under the bed." He explained.

"There was, daddy." Abby sniffled settling herself in his lap laying her head against his chest. "I heard it. It was growling."

Jack hugged the child and rubbed her back gently. "And we looked Angel. Whatever it was is gone. There's nothing under the bed." He kissed her forehead. "_Not convinced." _He whispered to Kate who smiled.

"He's hiding somewhere…waiting…like in the movie." Abby insisted her voice sounding like a mixture of poutiness and sleepiness.

"And we checked your closet and the bathroom and there's nothing there." Turning to look at his wife Jack shook his head. "That's the last time we leave her with Uncle Hurley for movie night. They watched some monster movie."

Kate smirked. "You'd think he got enough of monsters on the island." Noticing Brandon was starting to fall back asleep Kate got up and quickly worked on changing his diaper. Jack watched totally smitten by the image of his wife and son. He watched Kate effortlessly change Brandon's diaper before slipping him back into his pajamas. He smiled as she cuddled the infant for a moment before laying him back inside the cradle to sleep.

As Kate returned to the bed she noticed the smile on Jack's face. "What?" she asked sitting down.

"Nothing. You're just so good with him." He commented smiling.

Kate reached over and smoothed the bangs on Abby's forehead. The little girl had settled herself in Jack's arms and was almost back asleep. "So are you," She whispered, "With both of them." Looking up from Abby she found herself staring into Jack's eyes. Her stomach did a little flip like it always seemed to do whenever she found herself making eye contact with her handsome husband. She couldn't imagine loving him anymore than she did at that moment. He was everything she didn't know she wanted in a man until she met him. And now she couldn't see living her life without him.

"Hey" Jack's voice broke into her thoughts again.

"Huh?"

He reached over and rubbed her forearm affectionately. "You okay? His voice held a touch of concern.

"Yeah, I was just thinking about how great everything has turned out." She told him. "For us, I mean, since the crash."

He nodded in agreement then leaned over and lightly kissed her lips. "Yeah, I'd say I got pretty lucky."

"Me too." She whispered placing her hand on his cheek and giving it a quick but loving caress. "Very lucky."

Jack got up from the bed with Abby in his arms. "I better put her back in her bed before she wakes up again." He said.

"Good idea." Kate replied as she moved under the covers, the bed felling more comfortable and cozy than usual. She figured her dream had something to do with that.

A few minutes later Jack returned and joined Kate under the covers. Pulling her into his strong embrace he kissed her temple.

"I love you." Kate sighed as she snuggled in his arms – her favorite place to be – especially at night.

"I love you too, honey." Jack replied before turning slightly to glance at her. "You sure you're okay? You sound a little pre-occupied."

Kate nodded as she absentmindedly danced her fingers along his stomach. "I had a dream about the island. It was pretty intense and when I woke up for a few minutes I thought I was still there. "

"We've all had those." Jack replied. "They can be pretty unnerving. Did you dream about something in particular?"

"Yeah," she replied. Kate had never told Jack all the details of her dream about the future – even as some of the things in her dream played out in real life. She was afraid that he would think she was losing it.

"You want to talk about it?" he asked softly. One thing he had learned in his life with Kate was too not push her. Let her take some things at her pace.

"Promise you won't think I'm crazy?" Kate asked tentatively with a sideways glance up.

"I would never think that." He kissed her temple again.

She took a deep breath before speaking again. "I was dreaming about that time I got bit by the spider. Remember?"

"Yeah, I remember. You scared the hell out of me with that fever you got. I couldn't get it down for over 24 hours." Jack replied flashing back to sitting next to an unconscious Kate in her tent trying to will her better.

"Well, I never really told you but I had this really strange experience while I was out. I had this dream and Boone was in it."

"Boone?"

"Ah-huh, he came to me and told me that he was going to show me the future. That it was time for me to decide what I wanted – you or Sawyer."

"You're kidding?" Jack asked surprised that she had never shared the dream.

"No, it really was Boone or ghost, I don't know. We were in this room and he took me to see what would happened when we were rescued if I stayed with Sawyer and stayed on the run."

"And what happened?" jack was a little more than curious to say the least.

Kate told him about what she had seen, how she and Sawyer went from town to town, living under different names, never putting down any roots. She told him about how lonely and lost her future self became and how she finally left Sawyer.

"I cheated on him." Kate whispered almost embarrassed to admit even if it never really did happened.

"Only in the dream, Kate." Jack pointed out.

"Yeah, I guess." She snuggled a little deeper in his embrace relishing the warmth and safety she always felt with him. "We just weren't able to make reach other really happy and complete and we ended up hurting each other in the end."

"And what did your dream show about us?" he asked with a smile on his face. He was enjoying the chance to talk to his wife in bed again. They use to do it all the time – especially after making love, but since Brandon had been born their time alone had been limited.

"What'd you think?" Kate replied teasingly. "You've lived the highlights."

Jack turned slightly to bet a better look at her. "You serious?"

"Ah-huh, completely."

"The marriage, the kids, your legal problems working out?" he rattled on.

"Right down to the baby cradle that you gave me before Abby was born." Kate whispered.

When Jack didn't reply Kate sat up trying to search his face for a clue to what he was thinking. "See? I knew you'd think I was crazy." She finally said.

Jack looked up at her and smiled. "I don't think you're crazy, honey." He told her plainly. "It's just…weird. Here you get sick and you have a dream that shows you we're married that you're free, that we had two kids…it did show you a boy and girl, right?"

"Yeah," She pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them staring forward. "I saw myself pregnant with Abby when the cradle arrived. Then the last thing I saw was you reading a story to Abby and I was in the kitchen 8 months pregnant with Brandon drinking hot chocolate and eating chips."

Jack chucked remembering her chocolate cravings during both pregnancies. "Wow."

"I know that all sounds weird and far fetched but the dream really did happen." Kate shook her head and seemed to hug her knees tighter. "I can't explain it."

Jack reached up and touched her shoulder gently. "Hey." She turned her head and looked at him. "You don't have to explain it." He said softly. "There's a lot of things about that island that can't be explained. Look at me I chased my father's ghost half way around the jungle when we first got there."

Kate smiled at his statement and let Jack pull her back into his embrace. Once again he managed to make her feel better.

"You really think so?"

Laying his chin on top of Kate's head Jack interlaced his fingers in hers. "Well, if I was John Locke I would say that it was fate that you and I were to get together and that if the island brought us there to fulfill our destiny it was the island's way of jumpstarting us that way."

Kate giggled. "But since you're not John Locke what does Jack Shepard say?"

Jack joined in her laughter. "I say that people in comas have been known to have very bizarre and unusual dreams and that maybe the fever had something to do with your dream."

"Ah-huh."

"And that there were things about that island that are better left unexplained. I am just grateful to whoever or whatever it was that we found our way to each other." He added.

Blushing slightly Kate hugged her husband tightly at his loving words and kissed his shoulder. "I am too. I really don't care how we got together I'm just glad we did."

Cupping her chin Jack brought his lips down on hers and kissed her deeply. Pouring all his love for this woman in his arms he pushed her down into the covers and let his lips trail kisses along her jaw and neck.

"Hummm…Jack…honey…"Kate mumbled getting lost in his kisses and caresses.

"Hummm…" Jack mumbled working on getting the strap of her nightie off her shoulder.

"Brandon's right there." Kate reminded her amorous husband of their son sleeping right next to the bed. "We might wake him."

Pulling his head back up Jack looked into her eyes his intent clear in his hazel eyes. "What'd you say I put him in Abby's room?" He suggested not wanting to stop.

Kate reached up and ran a finger along his jaw line the same look in her eyes. "I say that's a good idea." She giggled.

Giving her a quick kiss Jack crawled out of bed and Kate watched him gently pick up the cradle and walk out the room. Snuggling back under the covers waiting for him to return she flashed back to her dream again. Maybe in the end the choice hadn't been so much Jack or Sawyer but rather choosing between forgiving herself or continuing to punish herself for her past mistakes. Running with Sawyer would have given Kate a life isolated and fearful as a means of reminding herself that she wasn't worthy of more. But choosing to love and trust Jack and more importantly trust herself she let herself believe she could be the woman Jack saw her to be when they first met. A woman that was given a chance to start over and have all those things that she had wanted at one time before being robbed of those dreams.

She smiled remembering Tom's words "_A dream is a wish your heart makes." _She had wished to be happy and loved and that's exactly what she got.

Jack walked back into the room smiling seductively as he slipped back under the covers. "Where were we?" he joked wrapping her up in his arms and capturing her lips in a passionate kiss.

Kate giggled as she pulled him closer to her. "Hummm…I think we were right about here." She said before returning her lips to his. Life was turning out as Kate Austin Shepard had wished it to. She couldn't ask for much more.

_**Fin **_

**Next Story: Working title on my next story is "Just the Two of Us". It will be a post rescue setting mainly featuring Jack and Kate along with Charlie, Claire Sawyer and some Sarah also introducing a new character that will have a big impact on Jack and Kate. This one will have more angst and drama. The first chapter should be up in a few days. Hope you guys read it! **


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